Tools for Your Toolbox for Stress & Anxiety: Mindfulness

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Finding Your Way Out of the Stress & Anxiety Trap with Mindfulness (Part 2)

Imagine you are walking into the ocean. The waves crash against your knees and the sand slides
between your toes. As you walk deeper into the water, you notice subtle currents pull you in different
directions, left, right, or out further. It’s hard not to drift in the direction of the current; at times, it may
even feel impossible. You glance at the shore and notice you’ve drifted quite a ways in a direction you
did not intend. Now, imagine that instead of amid the currents, you are standing on the shore looking
out at the ocean. You’re noticing how the water rolls in and out, how the currents swirl and pull and
push the water. This time, you’re just watching the currents as your feet remain firmly fixed on the sand.
You notice the sun warming your shoulders, the seagulls singing overhead, and you begin to walk down
the beach in a direction of your choosing.

You may be wondering, what in the world does the beach have to do with mindfulness? Well, it provides
a metaphor for the experience of our daily lives. We may live on autopilot and go, go, go where the
currents takes us, without pausing to decide for ourselves if we really want to go there, how we really
want to respond, or if, maybe, we would just like to rest. Mindfulness reminds us that we have the
choice to ground our feet in the steadiness of any moment, observe it and decide how we would like to
respond to it. Mindfulness suggests that when we notice the current, we step back, observe it, and
decide what’s next, instead of reacting like perhaps we always have. In short, mindfulness allows us to
awaken from the autopilot and take back control of our lives.

If you like the idea of slowing down your mind, learning to watch your thoughts and observe your body’s
sensations, and making intentional choices from that space, the mindfulness approach we specialize in
at The Mindfulness Center may be the perfect way to free yourself from the stress and anxiety trap.
Don’t worry, you don’t need a yoga studio membership, extra time in your day, or even a clear mind to
practice mindfulness. We’ll teach you how to do it in the everyday moments of your life, whether at
your desk at work or while driving a carful of kids home from school. And don’t forget to check out our
next newsletter where we’ll discuss another tool for your toolbox: the internal family systems approach
to finding your way out of the stress and anxiety trap!

Jennifer Komis, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist who helps you learn new ways of solving problems and healing. She wants you to know that hope is always available to you, however dismal life may seem. My clients describe me as authentic, down-to-earth, non-judgmental, and real.

She is currently only offering teletherapy services. Teletherapy allows us to meet conveniently face-to-face online without you needing to worry about traffic or childcare. Telehealth therapy is shown to be an effective way to address the vast majority of psychological and relational concerns. I welcome you to email me any questions you have or sign up for a free phone consultation or first telehealth session using the links.

CLICK HERE to schedule a free 10 minute consultation with Jennifer TODAY!

 

Ashley Vaden Shares Her Experience With Getting Therapy

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Therapy helps with personal growth.

In Season 2, Episode 3 (Part 2) of Shifting Our Shit Podcast, we discuss the idea that therapy is a powerful tool that can aid in personal growth and development. It provides individuals with the opportunity to explore their thoughts, emotions, and experiences in a safe and supportive environment. Through therapy, individuals can gain insight into themselves, understand their patterns of behavior, and make positive changes in their lives.

One of the key benefits of therapy is the ability to gain self-awareness. Many people go through life on autopilot, not fully understanding why they think, feel, or act the way they do. Therapy allows individuals to delve deeper into their thoughts and emotions, uncovering underlying beliefs and motivations. This self-awareness is essential for personal growth, as it provides a foundation for making meaningful changes in one’s life.

In therapy, individuals can also learn valuable coping skills and strategies to manage stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues. Therapists can teach techniques such as mindfulness, relaxation exercises, and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help individuals navigate difficult emotions and challenging situations. By learning and practicing these skills, individuals can develop resilience and improve their overall well-being.

Therapy provides a space for individuals to process and heal from past traumas or unresolved issues. Many people carry emotional baggage from their past that affects their present lives. Therapy offers a safe and non-judgmental environment to explore and address these issues. Through techniques like talk therapy, art therapy, or experiential therapy, individuals can work through their emotions and find healing and closure.

Another significant aspect of therapy is the opportunity for personal growth in relationships. Therapy can help individuals develop better communication skills, establish healthy boundaries, and navigate conflicts effectively. By understanding their own needs and emotions, individuals can improve their relationships with others, whether it be with romantic partners, family members, or friends.

Therapy also promotes self-acceptance and self-compassion. Many individuals struggle with self-esteem and self-worth, constantly comparing themselves to others or feeling inadequate. Through therapy, individuals can challenge negative self-talk, develop a more positive self-image, and cultivate self-compassion. This newfound self-acceptance allows individuals to embrace their strengths and weaknesses, leading to increased self-confidence and personal growth.

Emotions stem from unmet needs.

The statement “Emotions stem from unmet needs” is a powerful and insightful concept that can greatly impact our understanding of ourselves and our relationships. This idea suggests that our emotions are not random or arbitrary, but rather, they are a response to our unmet needs.

When we experience emotions such as anger, sadness, or fear, it is often because there is something within us that is not being fulfilled. These unmet needs can be physical, emotional, or psychological in nature. For example, if we feel angry, it may be because our need for respect or fairness is not being met. If we feel sad, it may be because our need for connection or love is not being fulfilled. And if we feel fearful, it may be because our need for safety or security is not being addressed.

Understanding that our emotions stem from unmet needs can be a transformative realization. It allows us to shift our focus from simply reacting to our emotions to exploring the underlying needs that are driving them. By identifying and addressing these needs, we can begin to find healthier and more constructive ways to meet them.

This concept also highlights the importance of self-awareness and self-compassion. When we recognize that our emotions are a signal that something is lacking in our lives, we can approach ourselves with kindness and understanding. Instead of judging or criticizing ourselves for feeling a certain way, we can acknowledge our emotions as valid and explore what they are trying to tell us about our needs.

In addition, this concept aligns with the principles of nonviolent communication, which emphasizes taking responsibility for our own feelings and needs. By recognizing that our emotions stem from unmet needs, we can communicate our needs more effectively and compassionately to others. This can lead to greater understanding, connection, and resolution in our relationships.

Overall, the idea that emotions stem from unmet needs is a powerful concept that can greatly enhance our self-awareness, personal growth, and relationships. By recognizing and addressing our needs, we can find healthier and more fulfilling ways to meet them. This understanding also allows us to approach ourselves and others with greater empathy, compassion, and understanding. Ultimately, it can lead to greater fulfillment, happiness, and harmony in our lives.

Eliminate unnecessary suffering, self-compassion.

In the podcast, Ashley discusses the concept of eliminating unnecessary suffering and promoting self-compassion. She emphasizes that while there may be unavoidable suffering in life, much of the suffering we experience is self-inflicted through shame, guilt, and self-judgment. Her purpose in therapy is to help individuals validate their feelings and experiences of suffering, while also guiding them in avoiding further self-inflicted suffering.

The idea of unnecessary suffering stems from the belief that when we struggle with anxiety or depression, we often add an element of shame and self-judgment to our experiences. This self-inflicted suffering arises from the way we relate to ourselves and others. Ashley’s goal is to help individuals acknowledge their suffering and validate their emotions, while also guiding them towards self-compassion and healthier ways of relating to themselves and others.

Overall, the concept of eliminating unnecessary suffering and promoting self-compassion is a powerful one. It encourages individuals to validate their emotions and experiences of suffering, while also guiding them towards self-compassion and healthier ways of relating to themselves and others. By addressing our needs and treating ourselves with kindness and empathy, we can break free from self-inflicted suffering and find greater fulfillment and happiness in our lives. This understanding also allows us to approach others with greater empathy, compassion, and understanding, leading to more harmonious and fulfilling relationships.

 

Make sure to listen to Season 2 Episode 3 (Part 2) to hear our interview with Ashley Vaden! 

 

Ashley, vaden, therapist, couples, louisville

Meet Mindfulness & IFS Guru Ashley Vaden, LMFT

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Reassessing midlife for more fulfillment.

In Season 2, Episode 3 (Part 1) Megan discusses the common experience of feeling stuck or unfulfilled in her midlife journey. She acknowledges the feeling of being a hamster on a hamster wheel, going through the motions without making progress or finding joy. This sentiment resonates with many individuals who reach a point in their lives where they question if they have accomplished all they set out to do and if there is more to life.

Midlife is a natural time for reflection and reassessment. It is a period where individuals evaluate what is working for them and what is not. This introspection is normal and can lead to personal growth and positive change. Megan encourages listeners to reclaim their time, energy, and joy in order to make the most of the second half of their lives.

Ashley Vaden, shares her personal experience and perspective. She talks about growing up in Frankfurt, Kentucky, and the culture shock she experienced when moving to Shelby County. Despite the challenges, she used this time to focus on her studies and develop a love for learning. Ashley expresses her desire to be a lifelong student and emphasizes the importance of continuous growth and curiosity.

Ashley’s journey led her to study psychology in college, driven by her own positive experience with therapy in high school. This decision reflects her desire to understand human behavior and help others. Megan commends Ashley for her work as an office therapist at the Mindfulness Center and highlights her contributions to mindfulness classes.

There is great significance in reassessing midlife for more fulfillment. It encourages individuals to take stock of their lives, identify areas that need improvement, and seek out new experiences that bring joy and peace. By acknowledging the need for change and actively pursuing personal growth, individuals can find greater fulfillment and happiness in the second half of their lives.

Reassessing midlife is not about regret or feeling like time has been wasted. Instead, it is an opportunity to realign priorities, set new goals, and make conscious choices that align with one’s values and passions. It is about finding the courage to make changes and explore new possibilities.

This is a reminder that it is never too late to reassess and make positive changes. Megan encourages listeners to embrace the second half of their lives with a sense of adventure, curiosity, and a commitment to personal growth.

Flexibility and freedom in therapy.

Flexibility and freedom in therapy are crucial aspects that can greatly impact both the therapist and the client. 

Flexibility allows therapists to adapt their approach and techniques to meet the unique needs of each client. Ashley had initially considered pursuing a career in fashion or moving to New York. However, due to financial responsibilities and student loans, she decided to utilize her psychology degree and work as a therapist. This decision demonstrates the flexibility she had to make in order to support her son and pay off her debts. By being open to different possibilities and adapting to the circumstances, she was able to find a job that aligned with her skills and interests.

Furthermore, flexibility in therapy allows therapists to be responsive to the changing needs and goals of their clients. Ashley initially did not want to work with children but found herself working with them in her first job. However, she discovered a love for working with kids and found it to be a profound and life-changing experience. This demonstrates how being open to new experiences and adapting to different client populations can lead to unexpected growth and fulfillment in therapy.

In addition to flexibility, freedom in therapy is also crucial.She mentioned that she decided to transition to a different job after five years of working in a high-intensity setting. She desired more flexibility and freedom to be with her child. This highlights the importance of work-life balance and the need for therapists to prioritize their own well-being and personal lives. By seeking out a job that provides more flexibility, therapists can create a healthier and more fulfilling work environment for themselves.

Freedom in therapy allows clients to feel empowered and in control of their own healing journey. Ashley mentioned how she appreciated having someone tell her what to do when she was feeling burnt out in grad school. By providing clients with the freedom to make choices and take ownership of their healing process, therapists can empower them to overcome challenges and achieve their goals.

Internal Family Systems empowers change.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic modality that empowers individuals to create change from within. It recognizes that within each person, there are multiple parts that make up their internal system. These parts can be seen as different aspects of the individual’s personality, each with its own unique characteristics and motivations. The goal of IFS is to help individuals understand and connect with these parts, and ultimately, to find harmony and balance within themselves.

In this episode, Megan talks about the transformative power of IFS in the lives of both therapists and clients. Ashley shares her experience of transitioning from working in an agency to starting her own private practice. Initially, she felt afraid and uncertain about this change, but when she shared her decision with her boss, he expressed his support and decided to join her in this new venture. This moment of validation and support brought a sense of relief and confirmation that she was on the right path. It highlights how IFS can provide individuals with the courage and confidence to make significant life changes.

Internal Family Systems empowers change by providing individuals with the tools and understanding to explore and connect with their internal selves It encourages flexibility, adaptability, and self-compassion, allowing individuals to make meaningful changes in their lives. 

If you are interested in learning more about Internal Family Systems and therapy, make sure to check out this interview with Ashley on the shift your shit podcast! 

 

Tools for your Toolbox for Stress & Anxiety: CBT Exercises

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Finding Your Way Out of the Stress & Anxiety Trap

by Jennifer Komis, LMFT

Do you know that your body knows you are anxious before you are conscious of anxiety? Your body
reacts to stress triggers rapidly, creating a tightening in your chest, tension across your forehead, or
maybe a dry mouth or upset stomach. Because the mind and body are inextricably linked like this,
therapists can treat anxiety and stress in multiple ways: we can provide interventions to help calm the
mind AND we can collaborate with you to help calm the body. This is good news, as you have MANY
options of treatment that can help you find your way out of the stress and anxiety trap!
If you prefer to examine how your thoughts impact your behaviors, cognitive behavioral therapy may be
a good fit for you. If you like the idea of slowing down your mind, learning to watch your thoughts and
observe your body’s sensations, a mindfulness approach may be most helpful. If identifying the inner
parts of yourself that feel anxious and working to calm them sounds appealing, internal family systems
could be just your thing. And if learning breathing techniques and physical relaxation exercises floats
your boat, therapy that focuses first on the body could be perfect for you.
At the Louisville Mindfulness Center, we are well-versed in all these approaches to treating stress and
anxiety. We consider it a privilege to get to know you personally and determine which approach (or
approaches) feels like the right fit for you. In this blog series, we’ll give you a preview of these
techniques and show you how to alleviate anxiety through each approach. Today’s focus? The cognitive
behavioral approach!

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT helps you uncover the core thoughts leading you to feel anxious and helps you become aware of
how those thoughts may be driving your actions. Check out an example:

 Stressful event: I got frustrated and raised my voice to my child today.
 What are the resulting thoughts that maintain my stress or anxiety? (e.g., I’m not a good mom.)
 What feelings do these thoughts lead me to have? (e.g., sadness, hopelessness, apathy)
 What behaviors do these thoughts lead me to do? (e.g., give up on tasks, crash on couch, avoid
to-do list)

CBT offers hope because it reminds us that if you change your thoughts, you change your actions! So, in
therapy, we work on reframing the core thoughts that are keeping you stuck and replacing them with
thoughts that bring you more freedom and the actions you desire. For example:

 Old thought: I’m not a good mom.
 New thought: I’m normal because most (if not all) parents struggle with frustration with their
children. I shouldn’t beat myself up. I also did a lot of things well today as a parent.
 New feelings: accepted, calm, motivated
 New behaviors: takes a break for self-care and reflection, calls friend to process stress, moves on
with the day’s tasks

Your turn! What’s a reoccurring thought that may be keeping you stuck? Can you challenge it? Think
about it another way? Give it a try and see how changing your thoughts can cause a positive ripple effect
throughout your day. Then, check out our next newsletter where we’ll discuss another tool for your
toolbox: the mindfulness approach to finding your way out of the stress and anxiety trap!

Jennifer Komis, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist who helps you learn new ways of solving problems and healing. She wants you to know that hope is always available to you, however dismal life may seem. My clients describe me as authentic, down-to-earth, non-judgmental, and real.

She is currently only offering teletherapy services. Teletherapy allows us to meet conveniently face-to-face online without you needing to worry about traffic or childcare. Telehealth therapy is shown to be an effective way to address the vast majority of psychological and relational concerns. I welcome you to email me any questions you have or sign up for a free phone consultation or first telehealth session using the links.

CLICK HERE to schedule a free 10 minute consultation with Jennifer TODAY!

 

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