subconscious, new year, resolution, resolutions, boundaries, success

Prioritize Yourself Without Feeling Selfish!

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Prioritize self-care, embrace alone time.

 

In today’s fast-paced and demanding world, it is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We often put the needs of others before our own, neglecting our own well-being in the process. It is essential to prioritize self-care and embrace alone time to maintain a healthy and fulfilling life.

 

Megan uses the metaphor of an airplane oxygen mask to illustrate the concept of prioritizing oneself. Just like on an airplane, where we are instructed to put on our own oxygen mask before helping others, we need to take care of ourselves first. This is not selfish; it is self-care. By ensuring our own well-being, we can better serve and support others.

 

She acknowledges that prioritizing oneself can be a struggle, as society often views self-care as selfish. However, she shares her personal experiences to emphasize the importance of taking time for oneself. They mention their need for alone time, particularly as an introvert. She explains how she takes a few days every quarter to be by herself, engage in creative activities, and recharge. Initially, she felt guilty and selfish for taking this time, but she realized that it made her a better therapist and a nicer person overall. She has learned to embrace her introversion and prioritize her need for solitude.

 

The societal norm of extroversion makes the misconception that being alone is abnormal. The women encourage listeners not to apologize for their need for alone time and not to feel the need to explain themselves to others. They emphasize that it is okay to be different and to prioritize self-care, even if others do not understand or honor it.

 

Prioritizing self-care and embracing alone time is crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling life. It is not selfish; it is necessary for our well-being. By taking care of ourselves, we can better take care of others. Each person has their own rhythm and needs when it comes to rest, downtime, boundaries, and closeness. It is essential to find what works best for us individually and celebrate it. So, let’s make self-care a priority, embrace alone time, and live a life filled with joy, peace, and fulfillment.

 

Rest is necessary for self-care.

 

The women struggle with the tension between rest and productivity. They mention feeling guilty for needing more sleep than others and fearing missing out on opportunities by not constantly being busy. They have come to realize the importance of rest and have learned to prioritize it without feeling guilty.

 

They acknowledge that their work may not be physically tiring, but it is emotionally draining. They recognize the need to find ways to emotionally rest and recharge. This is an important aspect of self-care that often gets overlooked. Rest is not just about physical rest; it is about taking care of our mental and emotional well-being as well.

 

They also emphasize the importance of creating a space for rest. They mention their favorite piece of furniture, their bed, as a place of quiet and solitude. This emphasizes the need for boundaries and alone time, even in a busy household or work environment. Finding a space where one can shut the door and escape from the noise and demands of everyday life is crucial for self-care.

 

In looking ahead to the future, they express a desire to feel less busy. They recognize that saying no and setting boundaries is necessary to achieve this. They also express concern about how others may perceive their choices. This is the societal pressure to constantly be busy and productive. It is important to remember that self-care is not selfish. Taking care of ourselves allows us to better take care of others. It is about prioritizing our well-being and finding a balance that works for us individually.

 

Honesty and self-care build relationships.

Honesty and self-care are two fundamental aspects of building and maintaining healthy relationships. The women discuss the importance of being honest with oneself and others about their needs and boundaries. By prioritizing self-care and practicing honesty, individuals can foster stronger connections with others and create a more harmonious environment.

 

One of the key points highlighted is the importance of being honest with oneself. This involves recognizing and acknowledging one’s own needs and limitations. They mention how they prioritize their own well-being by taking time to rest, read, or meditate in their cozy bed. They emphasize that this is not a sign of depression or avoidance, but rather a way to rejuvenate and recharge. By being honest with themselves about their need for alone time, they are able to take better care of their mental and emotional health.

 

The importance of being honest with others about their needs and boundaries is crucial. They communicate openly with their family, expressing their desire for quiet time and setting an example for their children to do the same. By being transparent about their own needs, they create an environment where others feel comfortable expressing their own needs as well. This fosters a sense of understanding and respect within the family dynamic.

 

Honesty allows for open dialogue.

Honesty is the foundation of open dialogue and healthy relationships. The women discuss how being honest with others allows them to be honest in return. When someone is not honest about their needs or feelings, it can lead to confusion and misunderstandings. For example, when someone ghosts another person instead of being honest about their availability or preferences, it creates uncertainty and discomfort.

 

They emphasize the importance of being comfortable and vulnerable enough to express one’s true feelings and needs. They mention that some people may struggle to say no or express their preferences because they fear judgment or rejection. By being honest and open, individuals can create an environment where everyone feels safe to express themselves authentically.

 

Prioritize self-care and practice.

 

Prioritizing self-care and practicing honesty are essential components of maintaining healthy relationships and overall well-being. 

 

Prioritizing self-care and practicing honesty can be challenging, especially for those who are new to these concepts. They emphasize that with practice, individuals can become more comfortable and confident in prioritizing their own needs and communicating them to others.

 

Listen to this Episode of Shifting Our Sh!t (SOS) Podcast HERE!

 

subconscious, new year, resolution, resolutions, boundaries, success

New Year, New Boundaries

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Setting boundaries for personal growth.

Setting boundaries for personal growth is a crucial aspect of self-care and self-improvement. It involves recognizing our limits, understanding what is important to us, and establishing clear guidelines for how we want to be treated and how we want to treat others. By setting boundaries, we create a framework that allows us to prioritize our well-being, protect our energy, and cultivate healthy relationships.

 

Megan, Elizabeth and Britt discuss the limitations of New Year’s resolutions and how they often fail to bring about lasting change. They emphasize the importance of going beyond superficial goals and instead focusing on the deeper beliefs and values that shape our lives. Rather than simply making resolutions like going to the gym or spending less time on social media, they encourage listeners to examine their relationship with themselves, their friends, and their commitments.

 

Setting boundaries is a fundamental part of this process. It involves making commitments to ourselves and upholding those commitments without relying on others to do it for us. For example, if we want to spend less time on social media, it is our responsibility to set limits and create boundaries around our usage. Similarly, if we want to have more meaningful conversations with friends or family, it is up to us to initiate those conversations and prioritize quality time.

 

They also highlight the importance of setting emotional boundaries. They discuss situations where conversations become highly emotionally charged and unproductive. In such instances, it is crucial to recognize our limits and remove ourselves from the situation. By doing so, we give ourselves and others the space to calm down and process their emotions. This allows for more productive and constructive discussions to take place when everyone is in a calmer state of mind.

 

Setting boundaries for personal growth is not about controlling or manipulating others. It is about taking ownership of our own well-being and creating an environment that supports our growth and happiness. It requires self-awareness, self-compassion, and a willingness to communicate our boundaries clearly and assertively.

 

Set boundaries for self-care.

Setting boundaries for self-care is crucial in today’s fast-paced and interconnected world. It allows us to protect our mental and emotional well-being, maintain healthy relationships, and make time for personal growth and fulfillment. 

 

Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect. It demonstrates that we value ourselves and our needs. By establishing clear guidelines for how we want to be treated and what we are willing to tolerate, we create a safe space for ourselves to thrive. This includes setting limits on how much time and energy we are willing to invest in certain activities or relationships. It means saying no when we feel overwhelmed or stretched too thin. By setting these boundaries, we communicate to others that our well-being is a priority.

 

Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. It allows us to establish mutual respect and understanding with others. When we clearly communicate our boundaries, we give others the opportunity to respect and honor them. This fosters healthier and more balanced connections, as both parties are aware of each other’s limits and needs. By setting boundaries, we create space for open and honest communication, where both parties feel heard and respected.

 

Setting boundaries also creates room for personal growth and fulfillment. When we establish limits on how much time we spend on certain activities or with certain people, we free up time and energy for activities that align with our values and goals. This allows us to focus on our personal growth, pursue our passions, and engage in activities that bring us joy and fulfillment. By setting boundaries, we prioritize our own needs and desires, which ultimately leads to a more fulfilling and purposeful life.

 

However, setting boundaries for self-care can be challenging. Society often tells us that we “should” (shoulding all over ourselves) always be available and accessible, leading to feelings of guilt or obligation when we prioritize ourselves. Additionally, fear of conflict or disappointing others can hinder our ability to set and enforce boundaries. It is important to remember that setting boundaries is not selfish, but rather a necessary act of self-care. We cannot pour from an empty cup, and by prioritizing our own well-being, we are better equipped to show up for others.

 

Focus on self, set boundaries.

 

One aspect they highlight is the need to let go of how others take care of themselves and instead focus on our own well-being. This means not policing what others say or do, but rather taking responsibility for how we protect ourselves and what we allow into our lives. This can involve skills such as changing the subject, redirecting conversations, or reframing situations in a therapeutic language.

 

They also emphasize the importance of knowing our triggers and developing coping mechanisms to deal with them. They acknowledge that certain situations, such as significant changes in the workforce or personal life, can be challenging and anxiety-inducing. In these situations, it is essential to protect ourselves by setting boundaries and not succumbing to external pressures or expectations. They mention a senior in high school who is faced with the constant question of where he is going to college. Instead of succumbing to the pressure, he is taking his time to make a well-informed decision, considering factors such as finances and personal preferences.

 

A key point made is the concept of control and discerning what is within our control and what is not. Boundaries are framed around what we can control, which is primarily our own thoughts, emotions, and actions. By recognizing this distinction, we can focus on taking care of ourselves and not trying to control or change others.

 

Curiosity and vulnerability in conversations.

Curiosity and vulnerability are two key components of meaningful and transformative conversations. When we approach conversations with a genuine curiosity about others’ beliefs and perspectives, we create an opportunity for deeper understanding and connection. This curiosity opens the door for us to ask questions, listen attentively, and engage in a way that fosters empathy and mutual respect.

 

The women recount a conversation where one person asked a thought-provoking question about faith and belief. While the question may have caught the pastor’s kids off guard, it also sparked laughter and a shared understanding of the difficulty in discussing such topics. This highlights the vulnerability that comes with expressing our thoughts and beliefs, especially in areas that are deeply personal and often considered taboo.

 

Vulnerability in conversations requires courage and a willingness to expose our true selves. It means being open to the possibility of disagreement or criticism, but also the potential for growth and connection. The speaker in the podcast acknowledges that finding the vocabulary to describe or explain our inner thoughts and beliefs is hard work. It requires introspection and a willingness to articulate our ideas in a way that can be understood and engaged with by others.

 

Listen to this episode HERE!

 

 

boundaries

The Link Between Boundaries & Resentment

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Resentment stems from unclear boundaries

 

The women begin by acknowledging that the word “resentment” has been mentioned multiple times in their discussions on boundaries. They suggest that boundaries act as a way to define what individuals are capable of and how they interact with others. Without clear boundaries, resentment can creep in.

 

The responsibility of setting and maintaining boundaries falls on individuals. They emphasize the importance of self-awareness and taking the time to consider one’s own feelings and agreements in any given situation. They use the example of couples therapy and the challenges that arise during the holiday season when there are numerous commitments and parties to attend. Many individuals struggle to express their limits and preferences, often opting to go along with their partner’s desires to avoid conflict. This can lead to resentment building up over time.

 

The hosts also discuss the difficulty of expressing boundaries without hurting others’ feelings or causing discomfort. They mention their own family’s humorous excuse of using “diarrhea” as a last-minute get-out-of-a-situation card. However, they stress the need for a more genuine and respectful approach to setting boundaries.

 

The conversation then shifts to the concept of exchange balance when it comes to boundaries. Individuals need to consider whether engaging in certain activities or commitments will give them something in return, whether it be energy, time, money, or other resources. They acknowledge that sometimes people do things without expecting anything in return, but it is crucial to maintain a balance and not consistently give without receiving.

 

Empowerment through setting boundaries

 

Setting boundaries is an essential aspect of empowerment. The women emphasize how women are often socialized to prioritize the needs and desires of others over their own. This lack of empowerment to voice their own needs can lead to feelings of resentment and being taken for granted. However, they highlight the importance of unlearning these societal expectations and empowering oneself by setting boundaries.

 

They discuss how they model boundary-setting for their children. By setting good boundaries with their kids, they are teaching them the importance of having a voice and being receptive to hearing others’ voices. This empowers their children to assert their own needs and desires, creating a more balanced and respectful dynamic.

 

The women also touch on the socialization of women to overemphasize empathy. While empathy is important, it “should” (shoulding!) not come at the expense of setting boundaries. Balancing empathy with boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and self-care. The women suggest that having empathy for oneself is equally important as having empathy for others. It encourages individuals to prioritize their own well-being by checking in with themselves and determining if a particular request aligns with their own needs and desires.

 

Embrace and communicate your boundaries

 

The women emphasize the importance of embracing and communicating personal boundaries. They begin by discussing the creation of a supportive environment and the need to surround oneself with understanding friends and individuals who respect one’s boundaries. They share their own experience as an introvert and how they have cultivated friendships with people who understand and accept their need for solitude.

 

CLICK HERE to listen to this episode! Season 3, Episode 5 (Part 2)

marriage counseling quiz, resentment, unmet needs, unmet expectations

Resentment & Unmet Needs

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Resentment is built over time

 

Resentment is a complex emotion that is built over time. Therapists Megan Bayles Bartley, Elizabeth McCormack, and Britt Riddle delve into the concept of resentment and its connection to boundaries in relationships. They discuss how resentment is not an immediate reaction but rather a culmination of smaller emotions and unmet needs.

 

They begin by acknowledging that resentment is often preceded by feelings of irritability and annoyance. These initial emotions serve as warning signs that something is amiss in a relationship. They explain resentment arises when individuals feel anger, frustration, and a sense of unfairness or injustice without having a voice that feels heard. It is the result of ongoing experiences where one’s needs and boundaries are repeatedly disregarded or overlooked.

 

They provide relatable examples of how resentment can manifest in different areas of life, such as work, romantic partnerships, and parenting. They emphasize the importance of having a voice and feeling heard in order to prevent resentment from building up. When individuals repeatedly express their discomfort or dissatisfaction but are not listened to or respected, resentment grows.

 

Resentment is likened to a fabric that experiences tiny tears and pulls over time. These small infractions and unaddressed discomforts accumulate, eventually leading to a hole in the fabric of the relationship. They highlight the significance of paying attention to these early signs of discomfort and frustration, as they can escalate into anger and resentment if left unaddressed.

 

They also discuss the internal conflict that often accompanies resentment. Individuals may not only feel resentful towards others but also towards themselves. They may blame themselves for overcommitting, allowing mistreatment, or staying in a relationship that doesn’t feel healthy. This internal resentment further adds to the weight and heaviness of the emotion.

 

In terms of physical sensations, they describe resentment as a heaviness that lingers and follows individuals wherever they go. It is an emotional burden that affects both the mind and body. They compare resentment to bricks being mortared together to form a solid, heavy structure. Each individual brick represents a specific incident or unmet need, and as these bricks accumulate, resentment becomes more entrenched and difficult to dismantle.

 

Resentment stems from unmet needs

 

They acknowledge that resentment is not a one-time occurrence but rather a result of ongoing frustrations and unaddressed emotions. The importance of paying attention to what is happening in relationships and recognizing one’s own sense of power and control. When individuals feel powerless and lacking control, they may let things slide or become avoidant, which can contribute to the buildup of resentment.

 

Avoidance is identified as a significant red flag that indicates a failure to fully utilize one’s energy. They suggest that saying yes to everything can prevent others from having the opportunity to contribute and fulfill their own needs. It encourages individuals to examine their actions and determine what truly brings them fulfillment and what drains their energy. By doing so, they can identify areas where they may need to say no and set boundaries to prevent resentment from accumulating.

 

Be present and avoid resentment

 

The episode begins by discussing the importance of being present and paying attention to one’s actions and choices. The women share a personal anecdote about sitting down to read a new novel instead of engaging in other tasks that could be done. Despite the long list of things to do, they acknowledge the need to prioritize self-care and enjoy the present moment. This decision is made in anticipation of upcoming time off during the holidays.

 

They highlight the importance of being aware of one’s own feelings and potential resentments. They mention how they would feel resentful if they were to spend another hour making holiday peanut butter fudge. Instead, they choose to be present and engage in an activity that brings them joy. This decision is made consciously to avoid building resentment.

 

The conversation then shifts to the age factor and how it impacts the ability to prioritize oneself. The women acknowledge that as they get closer to 50, they have gained wisdom and understanding about the importance of self-care. They reflect on how they would have approached things differently 10 years ago, emphasizing the need for self-compassion for those who are still learning to prioritize themselves.

 

Boundaries empower self-worth and growth

 

The hosts discuss the importance of finding self-worth within oneself rather than seeking external validation. They highlight the societal pressure for women to prioritize serving others and how this can lead to neglecting one’s own needs and desires. It is emphasized that in order to effectively serve others, individuals must first believe that they are worthy of taking care of themselves.

 

The concept of boundaries is then introduced as a means of empowering self-worth and growth. The hosts discuss the fear of confrontation and the difficulty in standing up for oneself. They provide an example of setting boundaries around conversations and the importance of asking for what one needs. By clearly expressing their boundaries, individuals can avoid resentment and maintain healthy relationships.

 

They highlight the significance of consent in setting boundaries. By using the word “consent,” individuals can assert their right to choose when and how they engage in certain conversations or activities. This empowers individuals to prioritize their own well-being and communicate their needs effectively.

 

Listen to this Episode of the Shifting Our Shit Podcast HERE!

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