Couples Therapy & Sexual Intimacy

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Therapy experiences and their importance.

Therapy is a process that involves seeking professional help to address and resolve personal issues, emotional struggles, and mental health challenges. It provides individuals with a safe and supportive space to explore their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and work towards personal growth and healing. 

Many individuals reach a point in their lives where they question whether they have achieved all they set out to do and if they feel fulfilled. This feeling of stagnation or dissatisfaction is common during midlife, prompting individuals to reassess what is working for them and what is not. Therapy is a means to reclaim one’s time, energy, and joy, and make the most out of the second half of life.

Rob Giltner, shares his own experience with therapy. Rob reveals that his first encounter with therapy was forced upon him by his parents when he was around 10 to 12 years old. While the details are hazy, he acknowledges that his early therapy experiences were not positive. This negative experience has led him to develop a pet peeve when clients share their own negative experiences with therapy. He emphasizes the importance of finding the right fit with a therapist and encourages clients to seek a new therapist if they are not comfortable or satisfied with their current one.

The conversation then delves into the role of parents in determining whether a child needs therapy. Both Megan and Rob agree that parents might not force their children into therapy unless there are clear signs of negative behavior or emotional struggles. They emphasize the importance of open communication and support within the family, as parents can often play a significant role in addressing their child’s issues without the need for professional intervention.

Rob also highlights the privilege of being surrounded by therapists in his professional life. He mentions the benefit of having supervisors who are therapists, as they provide guidance and support that can be personally transformative. Additionally, he acknowledges the therapeutic nature of the relationships within their own therapy center, where compassion, honesty, and authenticity are valued. The creation of a positive and supportive environment among therapists contributes to their overall well-being and enhances the quality of care they provide to their clients.

Communication and compromise in relationships.

We know the importance of finding a therapist who is helpful and supportive. Rob shares that he eventually found a therapist who was beneficial to him, but he only sees them sparingly. He also mentions the positive influence of being around the mindfulness center, which rubs off on him and provides additional support.

There is great importance in having a support system during challenging seasons of life. Seeking premarital therapy before getting married, can help couples navigate potential issues and strengthen their relationship. Megan discusses libido in relationships. They share a story they heard about a priest telling a wife that she should have sex whenever her husband wants, due to his higher libido. This story horrifies them, and they express their disagreement with such a perspective. They then delve into a discussion about how to navigate differences in libido within a relationship.

They highlight the importance of open communication and being able to talk about difficult topics such as libido. They acknowledge that discussing sex can sometimes be taboo in relationships, but it is crucial to address these issues. They mention the need for both partners to be able to share their needs and wants, while also being open to accepting their partner’s influence. They emphasize the importance of teamwork and compromise in finding solutions that work for both individuals in the relationship.

Sexual intimacy changes over time.

Sexual intimacy is a crucial aspect of any romantic relationship, but it is not static and unchanging. Sexual intimacy changes over time. Megan and Rob discuss the normalcy of couples having different libidos, as they are two separate individuals with different experiences and needs. It is natural for sexual intimacy to evolve and shift as the relationship progresses and as individuals go through different stages of life.

They mention that early on in a relationship, couples tend to be more sexually intimate. This can be attributed to the excitement and curiosity that comes with a new partnership. There is a dopamine rush and a sense of investment in getting to know each other. Megan and Rob emphasize the importance of curiosity in a relationship, as it fosters exploration and the creation of shared meaning. Trying new things and stepping out of one’s comfort zone together can strengthen the bond between partners.

However, as time goes on and life’s stressors and responsibilities increase, sexual intimacy may change. They mention factors such as having children or work demands that can shift the focus away from sexual intimacy. Stress can affect performance, and the need for safety and emotional vulnerability can also impact a couple’s ability to be sexually intimate. They describe sexual intimacy as fragile, vulnerable, and delicate, requiring caution and care.

It is important to note that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to a healthy sex life in a relationship. What works for one couple may not work for another. They caution against comparing oneself to societal expectations or rigid standards set by popular culture. They stress the need for couples to define their own normalcy and determine what constitutes a healthy sex life for their specific relationship. This requires open and honest communication between partners.

Discussing sex can be challenging and uncomfortable for many couples. However, they highlight the value of being open and honest with each other, especially for therapists who understand the importance of addressing sexual intimacy in relationships. They emphasize that the brain is the largest sex organ, and how individuals think and feel about sex can greatly impact their sexual experiences. Hormonal changes, such as menopause or aging, can also affect sexual intimacy.

Couples therapy for healing and growth.

Couples therapy is a valuable tool for healing and growth within relationships. The work that is involved in couples therapy and the benefits that can be gained from it are huge. There are many accomplishments that can be achieved through couples therapy,  it is not a one-size-fits-all approach and may not be suitable for every couple.

Some couples may only need therapy for maintenance purposes, where they can discuss their concerns and leave with clarity. However, the focus of this particular therapy is on couples who have experienced significant loss, struggle with communication, or feel disconnected from each other. This therapy aims to help couples reconnect, repair their relationship, and heal from past wounds.

Couples therapy is collaborative in nature. The therapist works closely with the couple to develop a plan that aligns with their specific needs and goals. This collaborative approach ensures that the therapy is tailored to the couple’s unique circumstances and challenges.

Just as one exercises their body at the gym, couples are encouraged to practice their communication skills and relationship-building exercises outside of therapy. This practice helps to reinforce the skills learned in therapy and allows couples to make progress in their relationship.

Accountability is another important aspect of couples therapy. Some couples may need external accountability to stay on track with their goals and commitments. The therapist provides this accountability and helps the couple set measurable goals to track their progress. If the goals are not being met, the therapist helps the couple explore the reasons behind it and find alternative approaches.

While the work involved in couples therapy may sound stern and rigid, the therapist assures that it is also soft, comforting, and healing. The therapy incorporates art, music, metaphor, and other creative approaches to make the process more engaging and effective. The therapist places a strong emphasis on creating a comfortable and safe environment for all participants, ensuring that everyone feels heard, seen, respected, and loved.

Listen to this Episode HERE!

Learn more about Rob HERE!

Rob Giltner Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Louisville KY

Meet Couples Therapy Expert Rob Giltner, LMFT!

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In Shifting Our Shit (SOS) Podcast Season 2, Episode 8, Rob Giltner’s passion for couples is evident as he discusses his work as a therapist. Rob’s interest in couples therapy stems from his personal experiences and natural inclination towards being a “feeler.” His ability to understand and navigate powerful emotions makes him well-suited for helping couples navigate their own emotional landscapes. This empathy and understanding are crucial in creating a safe and supportive environment for couples to explore their relationship dynamics.

 

Rob’s journey to becoming a therapist started with his recognition of the mindful perspective and the importance of relationships. As he grew older, he developed a deeper understanding of emotions and their impact on individuals and their relationships. This understanding likely fueled his desire to pursue a career in therapy and help couples build healthier, more fulfilling connections.

 

Being a male therapist in a field often dominated by women is noteworthy, as it brings a unique perspective and representation to couples seeking therapy. Rob’s ability to connect with both male and female clients is a valuable asset, as it allows him to address the needs and concerns of both partners in a relationship. His presence in the field challenges stereotypes and promotes inclusivity, making therapy more accessible and relatable for all couples.

 

Rob’s passion for couples is further highlighted by his commitment to prioritizing social health and fostering connections among individuals. He recognizes the challenges of maintaining social relationships as one grows older and believes in the importance of creating opportunities for people to come together. This dedication to building community and supporting social well-being extends beyond his therapy practice and demonstrates his genuine care for the well-being of couples and individuals alike.

 

Passion for working with couples.

From the beginning of the episode, Rob mentions his ability to connect with emotions and suggests that he has a natural affinity for understanding and empathizing with others. This sensitivity likely plays a significant role in his ability to connect with couples and help them navigate their relationship challenges.

 

Rob emphasizes the importance of relationships in his own life, including family, friends, and romantic partnerships. He recognizes the value of these connections and the impact they have on personal growth and well-being. This recognition likely fuels his passion for working with couples, as he understands the transformative power that healthy and fulfilling relationships can have on individuals and their overall happiness.

 

Rob’s interest in relationships deepened during college when he took a class on the subject. This experience sparked a desire to learn more and led him to seek out additional resources, such as reading and watching videos. This eagerness to expand his knowledge and understanding of relationships demonstrates his dedication to his craft and his commitment to providing the best possible support to couples.

 

Rob’s parents played a significant role in supporting his passion for working with couples. They connected him with couples therapists they knew, highlighting their belief in his abilities and potential in this field. This support likely reinforced his passion and provided him with valuable insights and experiences that shaped his approach to therapy.

 

Rob’s decision to pursue graduate school immediately after completing his undergraduate degree further exemplifies his dedication to his chosen path. He did not hesitate to continue his education and further develop his skills and knowledge in couples therapy. This commitment to continuous learning and growth is essential in a field that requires therapists to stay up-to-date with the latest research and therapeutic techniques.

 

When asked about his specific interest in working with couples, Rob admits that it was not something he initially considered during college. However, upon entering seminary, he quickly realized that couples therapy was his true calling. While he acknowledges that his skills and expertise have expanded to include individual work, his passion for couples remains unwavering. He describes couples therapy as his “jam” and something he thinks about in his spare time. This level of enthusiasm and dedication is a testament to his genuine passion for helping couples build healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

 

Rob’s ability to connect with couples and ease their concerns is evident in his approach to therapy. He compares therapy to getting an oil change in a car, emphasizing the importance of regular maintenance and addressing wear and tear in relationships. By using this analogy, he normalizes the idea of seeking therapy and encourages couples to see it as a proactive step towards maintaining a healthy and thriving relationship. This approach helps to alleviate any fears or stigmas associated with therapy and fosters a sense of hope and possibility for couples seeking support.

 

Relationships are complex and rewarding.

Relationships are complex and rewarding. Rob discusses the intricacies of relationships and the challenges that individuals face when navigating them. He highlights the importance of recognizing the individuality of each person within a relationship and how this can contribute to the complexity of the dynamic.

 

Rob emphasizes that relationships involve multiple variables and that these variables can greatly impact the overall health and success of the relationship. He acknowledges that relationship stress can have a significant impact on other areas of our lives and emphasizes the importance of protecting and repairing these connections.

 

One aspect of relationships that Rob finds particularly intriguing is the puzzle-like nature of working with couples. He describes the process of therapy as a collaborative effort, where he acts as a guide rather than pushing individuals in a specific direction. He enjoys the challenge of helping couples navigate through the maze of their relationship, finding solutions and resolutions together. This process can be both present and empathetic, as well as intellectually stimulating, as he works with couples to solve the puzzle of their relationship.

 

While therapy can often involve heavy and difficult topics, Rob finds great joy in witnessing couples overcome challenges and find their way out of the maze. He describes this process as euphoric, relieving, and hopeful. It is a moment of triumph and growth for the individuals involved and a testament to the resilience of their relationship.

 

Rob also introduces a spirituality component to his work, acknowledging that there is often a sense of sacredness and intimacy in the vulnerability that couples bring to therapy. He values the perspective of spirituality and recognizes that it can play a significant role in the healing and growth of relationships. He encourages couples to explore this aspect if it resonates with them, but also acknowledges that spirituality can take many forms and can be unique to each individual.

 

Listen to this Episode HERE!

Learn more about Rob HERE!

Keith, Williams, MAMFT, Licensed Therapist, couples, adults, therapist, counseling

Do All Therapists Get Their Own Therapy?

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Therapy can benefit everyone.

 

Therapy can benefit everyone, regardless of their background, experiences, or personality traits. While Keith Williams admits that he has not yet pursued therapy for himself, he acknowledges that many of his mentors and colleagues would consider it necessary for therapists to undergo therapy.

 

Williams has found solace and healing through being in service to others. He believes that helping others puts his own problems into perspective and allows him to access his true self. While this may provide some therapeutic benefits, Williams recognizes that it does not replace the formal therapy experience. He acknowledges that he may not be as effective as a therapist without having undergone therapy himself.

 

Therapy is not solely for individuals who have had significant struggles or challenges in their lives. Megan questions whether Williams has had a charmed life, implying that therapy may not be necessary for someone who hasn’t faced major hardships. However, Williams counters this notion by sharing that he has indeed faced struggles that have brought him to his knees. He emphasizes that therapy is not just for those who have experienced trauma but can be beneficial for anyone seeking personal growth, self-awareness, and a deeper understanding of themselves.

 

Williams also discusses his brief experience with family therapy, which was not positive. However, he recognizes that the fit between therapist and client is crucial and that sometimes a negative experience can still provide valuable lessons. We know the importance of finding the right therapist and not giving up on therapy if the first attempt is not successful.

 

Megan describes Keith as grounded and settled, suggesting that therapy may not be necessary for someone with his demeanor. However, Williams acknowledges that therapy can benefit individuals with different personalities and dispositions. He believes that therapy offers a sense of purpose, mission, and humility, and helps maintain a balanced perspective on life.

 

We know that therapy can benefit everyone, regardless of their life experiences or personality traits. While individuals may find solace and healing through other means, such as being in service to others, formal therapy provides a unique and valuable opportunity for personal growth, self-reflection, and emotional well-being. It is important for individuals to recognize the potential benefits of therapy and to seek professional help when needed. Therapy is not limited to those who have experienced trauma or significant hardships; it is a tool that can benefit anyone who wishes to lead a more fulfilling and joyful life.

 

Therapy can be transformative.

 

Megan and Keith begin with a discussion about their introspective nature and whether they are more introverted or extroverted. Megan denies being introspective, but Keith disagrees, stating that he can see the reflectiveness in the her. This exchange highlights the importance of self-reflection and internal processing, which are key components of therapy.

 

The conversation then shifts to Keith’s approach in therapy, with Megan describing him as boisterous and humorous. He acknowledges this but also emphasizes the value of being wild and pushing boundaries in the therapy room. They mention Carl Whitaker, a therapy hero known for his unconventional and wild approach, as an inspiration. This is the transformative potential of therapy, as it allows individuals to explore different aspects of themselves and challenge their beliefs and behaviors.

 

Keith also believes in the importance of improvisation in therapy, as there is no way to predict what clients will say or feel. He describes therapy as exhilarating and emphasizes the need for therapists to be present and adaptable.

 

Keith has training in hypnosis and therapy, which he describes as priceless in terms of personal growth and development. He expresses his amazement at how there is always something new and exciting to learn in therapy.

 

Megan then asks Keith about his own experience with therapy and what it would take for him to seek therapy. He reflects on his tendency to only make changes or take risks when something substantial happens in his life. However, he expresses openness to suggestions and acknowledges that he may benefit from therapy if approached by the right person.

 

Premarital counseling is beneficial.

 

Premarital counseling is beneficial for couples who are preparing to get married. We know the positive impact that premarital counseling can have on a relationship. The couple interviewed in the podcast had undergone premarital counseling before getting married, and they credit it with helping them build a successful and lasting marriage.

 

One of the benefits of premarital counseling is the opportunity for therapy without even realizing it. The couple mentions that their premarital counseling sessions can be considered a form of therapy. This suggests that premarital counseling can provide couples with the tools and skills necessary for a healthy and fulfilling relationship, even if they do not initially recognize it as therapy.

 

The couple’s long-lasting marriage of 29 years is also attributed to the premarital therapy they received. They acknowledge that the therapy they underwent before getting married must have played a role in their successful marriage. There is great effectiveness of premarital counseling in helping couples navigate the challenges and conflicts that may arise in a marriage.

 

The couple expresses gratitude towards the therapist they worked with and credits them with creating a safe and supportive environment for their therapy sessions. They also mention the importance of having a free consultation with a therapist before beginning therapy. This allows individuals to determine if the therapist is a good fit for them and if they feel comfortable opening up and sharing their concerns.

 

In addition to premarital counseling, we also touch on the broader benefits of therapy. Therapists have experience working with individuals, couples, families, adolescents, and children, as well as addressing issues such as chemical dependency. This demonstrates the wide range of issues that therapy can help individuals and couples navigate, highlighting the benefits of seeking therapy.

Check out Keith’s bio or schedule  a FREE 10-minute consult with him HERE!

Listen to this Episode of the Shifting Our Shit (S.O.S.) Podcast HERE! this Episode of the Shifting Our Shit (S.O.S.) Podcast HERE!

Meet Marriage Therapy Expert, Keith Williams!

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Unleashing the Power of Therapy: A Journey of Passion and Fulfillment

 

In the realm of therapy and self-discovery, Keith Williams, a dedicated therapist at a mindfulness center, takes us on a remarkable journey. His story illustrates the transformative potential of pursuing one’s dreams and passions. It serves as a testament to the importance of self-reflection at any stage of life.

Passion as a Guiding Light

Keith’s journey into the world of therapy began with a dream he nurtured since his teenage years. Inspired by the deep connections he formed during his youth, Keith recognized the profound impact that human relationships can have on our lives. This realization ignited a passion within him to explore the intricacies of the human mind and the dynamics of interpersonal connections.

 

The Journey to Self-Discovery

 

The conversation between Keith and Megan offers valuable insights into the power of self-reflection, especially during midlife. It encourages individuals to evaluate their life’s trajectory, identifying what serves them well and what no longer aligns with their aspirations. This process of introspection can lead to a renewed sense of purpose and happiness in the later stages of life.

Embracing Change and Finding Fulfillment

Keith’s story reminds us that it’s never too late to recalibrate our lives and seek greater joy. It encourages us to shift our perspectives and make the necessary changes to live a more meaningful and satisfying life. His journey exemplifies the transformative potential of embracing midlife reassessment.T

 

Passion for Helping Couples Thrive

 

One of the highlights of Keith’s journey is his unwavering passion for helping couples thrive. His dedication to this field is evident in his words and experiences. Keith’s path to becoming a therapist took a unique route, with significant life experiences and a non-traditional educational journey.

 

A Personal and Professional Influence

 

Keith’s fascination with working with couples stemmed from personal and professional influences. The loving marriage of his parents served as a positive model, contrasting with the absence of such examples among his peers. Witnessing the significance of a healthy and loving partnership sparked his interest in assisting couples navigate the complexities of relationships.

 

Diverse Experiences and a Non-Formulaic Approach

 

While Keith initially aimed to specialize in couples therapy, his career took a different path. He spent 18 years working with children and families in crisis, indirectly addressing couples’ dynamics through his work with children. This diverse experience equipped him with invaluable exposure to various challenges.

Keith’s approach to couples therapy is described as non-formulaic and creative. He recognizes the uniqueness of each couple and tailors his approach accordingly. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, and he adapts to the specific needs and dynamics of each relationship.

 

Finding Fulfillment in Uncomfortable Work

 

Keith acknowledges that his profession involves hard work, discomfort, and occasional awkwardness. However, he firmly believes that these challenges are integral to personal and professional growth. They offer opportunities to learn and gain profound insights, ultimately contributing to the betterment of the couples he works with.

 

Embracing Change for Personal Growth

 

Keith’s decision to transition from a demanding role in acute child psychiatric care to private practice marked a significant life change. His sense of mission in keeping families together was undeniable, but the emotional toll and constant on-call schedule eventually prompted him to seek a change. The transition wasn’t easy, but it exemplifies the idea that embracing change can lead to greater personal fulfillment.

 

A Continual Journey of Growth

 

Keith’s journey into therapy was far from linear. He highlights that he’s still evolving as a therapist, constantly learning and growing in his profession. His willingness to adapt and evolve is a testament to his commitment to personal growth and his unwavering dedication to helping others. Keith Williams’ journey serves as an inspiring reminder of the importance of pursuing one’s passions and the fulfillment that can be derived from assisting others. It illustrates that change, though uncomfortable at times, can be incredibly rewarding. Ultimately, his story is a testament to the transformative power of embracing one’s calling and making a positive impact on the lives of others.

Find out more about Keith HERE and listen to this Episode of the Shifting Our Shit (S.O.S.) Podcast HERE!

tampa, therapist, louisville, elizabeth, counselor

Therapist Elizabeth McCormack shares what she’s learned personally about boundaries!

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Therapy is essential for growth.

Hitting a plateau or feeling unfulfilled is a common experience at midlife. It is normal to reassess what is working and what is not, and to want to reclaim one’s time, energy, and joy. 

Megan believes that therapists benefit from undergoing therapy themselves. Clients can only go as deep and as far as their therapists have gone.  This sentiment is echoed by Elizabeth McCormack, who shares her own experiences with therapy.

Elizabeth reveals that she had her first therapy session in high school, a time when she was going through the challenges of coming of age and dealing with the complexities of her parents’ divorce. However, she quickly realized that the therapist she saw did not understand her experiences as a young teenage girl, and she discontinued therapy after a few sessions.

Despite this initial negative experience, Elizabeth later pursued therapy during graduate school when her father passed away. She felt that it was necessary to work through the unresolved issues in her relationship with her father. She also has continued therapy on and off in different settings, depending on the circumstances she was facing.

Elizabeth emphasizes the importance of the therapeutic relationship and finding the right therapist. She advises her clients to give therapy a few sessions and to trust their instincts. If they feel uncomfortable or do not trust their therapist, she encourages them to find someone else. She believes that 80% of the effectiveness of therapy is dependent on having the right therapist.

She also acknowledges the challenges of finding the right therapist, especially during times of transition or relocation. Elizabeth shares her own difficulties in finding a therapist when she moved from state to state. She recognizes that moving is one of the most challenging life experiences and that therapy can be crucial in helping individuals navigate through these transitions.

The essential role of therapy in personal growth and fulfillment is crucial. Therapy provides individuals with the tools to navigate through challenging periods, work through unresolved issues, and manage stress and anxiety. Ultimately, therapy is a valuable resource for individuals seeking personal growth, fulfillment, and a greater sense of well-being.

Transitioning in therapy is therapeutic.

Transitioning in therapy is therapeutic because it allows individuals to learn new things, gain a different perspective, and re-narrate their story. The process of transitioning from one therapist to another provides an opportunity to explore and process past experiences, trauma, and emotions. It allows individuals to reflect on their journey and gain a deeper understanding of themselves.

One of the benefits of transitioning in therapy is the chance to learn new things. Each therapist has a unique approach and perspective, which can offer fresh insights and techniques. By working with different therapists, individuals can expand their knowledge and gain new tools for personal growth and healing.

Transitioning in therapy also allows individuals to re-narrate their story. As they move from one therapist to another, they have the opportunity to reflect on their past experiences and how they have evolved over time. They can examine their childhood, teenage years, and any traumatic events that have shaped their lives. By re-telling their story, individuals can gain a new understanding of themselves and their emotions.

It allows individuals to focus on the present and future. While it is important to acknowledge and process the past, therapy also encourages individuals to look forward and set goals for personal growth. Therapists at the Mindfulness Center, for example, are solution-focused and help clients identify where they want to be headed. By exploring the past, individuals can gain insights and knowledge that can help them navigate their current challenges and move forward in a more fulfilling way.

Therapy can be particularly beneficial for high-functioning individuals who are experiencing a point of stagnation or feeling stuck. Therapy provides a space for them to talk through their challenges and gain support from someone who understands and empathizes with their experiences. Trust is an essential component of therapy, and individuals can trust that their therapist has either been through similar experiences or has helped others overcome similar challenges.

Shift, boundaries, independence, growth, connection.

One of the key themes is the need to shift. Elizabeth emphasizes the importance of recognizing when something needs to change and taking action to make that shift. This can apply to various aspects of life, including work, relationships, and personal growth. By paying attention to how one feels and questioning their actions and motivations, individuals can identify areas where change is needed and take steps to make that shift.

Setting boundaries is another important aspect discussed in the podcast. Over-functioning, whether it be at work or in personal relationships, can lead to feelings of burnout and dependency. Elizabeth encourages listeners to examine their own behavior and question whether their helping is truly beneficial or if it is keeping others dependent on them. Setting boundaries allows individuals to maintain their own independence and encourages others to take responsibility for themselves.

Independence and personal growth are so important. The importance of allowing children to make mistakes and learn from them, even if it means experiencing discomfort. This same principle applies to adults as well. Personal growth often comes from trying new things, making mistakes, and learning from them. It is important to embrace discomfort and navigate through it in order to grow and develop as individuals.

Connection is another key theme, particularly in the context of couples therapy. Elizabeth mentions the Gottman model, which focuses on building a strong friendship and connection within a relationship. This involves actively listening, showing interest, and being present for one’s partner. By prioritizing connection, couples can strengthen their relationship and improve overall satisfaction.

Effective communication is key.

Effective communication is key in all aspects of life, especially in relationships. Megan discusses the importance of resolving conflict, understanding each other’s needs, and maintaining a strong emotional connection.

One aspect of effective communication is the ability to resolve conflict. Megan acknowledges that it is common for couples to have recurring fights or unresolvable issues. However, she emphasizes the importance of addressing these conflicts instead of letting them simmer. By having open and honest conversations about their concerns, couples can work towards finding solutions and improving their relationship.

Another aspect of effective communication is the need for open dialogue about expectations and desires. Megan mentions that many couples struggle with feeling unsatisfied in their sex lives or have different expectations regarding love and intimacy. By openly discussing these topics and seeking a third party’s perspective, couples can gain insight into what is normal and find ways to improve their relationship.

Megan and Elizabeth talk about the significance of fostering connection and maintaining a strong emotional bond. They note that it is important for couples to be friends and to continuously work on their friendship. This involves prioritizing quality time together. By nurturing their emotional connection, couples can strengthen their relationship and navigate challenges more effectively. 

If you want to learn more about boundaries, communication, and therapy join us on this episode of shifting our shit as we talk with Elizabeth. 

Elizabeth, McCormack, Florida, therapist, mindfulness

Meet Boundary Expert, Elizabeth McCormack, LMFT

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Elizabeth McCormack talks about boundaries for your life! 

Boundary expert, Elizabeth McCormack’s, journey to becoming a therapist began in the Midwest. She grew up in Illinois and graduated from high school in Bloomington, just a couple of hours outside of Chicago.

After high school, Elizabeth attended Hanover College in southern Indiana. As a Presbyterian, she was drawn to the college’s religious affiliation. During her four years at Hanover, Elizabeth developed a passion for understanding and helping others. This passion led her to pursue a career in therapy.

In 2001, Elizabeth enrolled in graduate school at the Louisville Presbyterian Seminary in Kentucky. It was there that she met Megan, who would later become her close friend and colleague. The two formed a bond that has lasted over 20 years.

Throughout her journey, Elizabeth has lived in various places, including Austin, Texas, and Tucson, Arizona. These experiences exposed her to different cultures and perspectives, further shaping her understanding of human behavior and the importance of mental health.

Elizabeth’s desire to help people problem solve and listen to their problems all day led her to become a therapist. She finds fulfillment in guiding individuals through their challenges and helping them find solutions. Elizabeth’s empathetic nature and ability to create a safe space for her clients make her an excellent therapist.

The COVID-19 pandemic presented an opportunity for Elizabeth to expand her practice. With the ability to renew licenses in multiple states, she now sees clients both in Florida, where she currently resides, and in Kentucky. Elizabeth’s familiarity with both areas makes her a valuable option for clients who may relocate from the Midwest to Florida.

As a therapist, Elizabeth understands the importance of following the rules and laws governing her profession. While state lines may currently limit her ability to see clients in certain locations, she remains hopeful that these restrictions will be resolved in the future. Elizabeth believes that the future holds a more inclusive and accessible approach to therapy.

Boundaries are important for self-care.

One key aspect of Elizabeth’s approach to therapy is her emphasis on boundaries. She believes that boundaries are essential for self-care and maintaining emotional well-being. This belief is rooted in her own experiences and observations of the world around her.

Elizabeth recognizes that we live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with external influences and the emotions of others. It can be easy to absorb these feelings and allow them to dictate our own behavior. Elizabeth firmly believes that our job is not to fix the emotions of others, but rather to be in control of our own.

For Elizabeth, boundaries serve as a protective barrier against the negative emotions and energy that can be draining and detrimental to our own well-being. By setting boundaries, we can create a space where we prioritize our own emotions and needs, rather than being at the mercy of external factors.

One way Elizabeth teaches this concept to her clients is through the metaphor of Spongebob. She explains that just like Spongebob, we shouldn’t be “sponges” that absorb the feelings of everyone around us. Instead, we should focus on paying attention to our own emotions and taking care of ourselves.

This emphasis on boundaries is not limited to individuals, but also extends to relationships. Elizabeth believes that healthy relationships are built on clear and respectful boundaries. By establishing and maintaining boundaries, we can create a space where both parties feel safe and respected. This allows for open and honest communication, fostering deeper connections and understanding.

Elizabeth’s training at the Presbyterian Seminary further reinforced her belief in the importance of relationships and boundaries. She recognizes that relationships are not just about our interactions with others, but also the relationship we have with ourselves and with a higher power. By setting boundaries, we can navigate these relationships in a healthy and balanced way.

Stay in control of yourself.

Elizabeth discusses the importance of staying in control of oneself. She uses examples such as driving in traffic and parenting to illustrate how maintaining emotional boundaries can lead to healthier relationships and overall well-being.

One of the first examples Elizabeth mentions is observing people who try to zip through traffic, disregarding others and showing that they are in more of a hurry. She suggests that instead of getting caught up in their behavior and trying to override them, it is important to focus on what is in our own lane. This means taking care of ourselves and being aware of the emotional state of others around us. By staying in control of our own emotions, we can provide empathy and compassion without absorbing the emotions of others. This approach is more helpful and allows us to be good listeners rather than getting overwhelmed ourselves.

Elizabeth also applies this concept to parenting. She highlights the importance of letting children experience their own emotions, even if they are tough or overwhelming. Instead of getting overwhelmed with them, she suggests that parents should stay calm and provide support and understanding. By staying in control of their own emotions, parents can create a safe space for their children to express themselves and process their feelings. This approach allows children to learn how to handle their emotions and develop resilience.

The idea of staying in control of oneself is not limited to driving or parenting. Elizabeth also mentions how therapists practice this concept in their work. Therapists do not join their clients in their emotional state but instead stay in their own lane and provide a safe space for clients to explore their emotions. This approach allows therapists to offer guidance and tools for clients to handle life stressors effectively.

The key message throughout the podcast is that staying in control of oneself is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and emotional well-being. By setting and maintaining boundaries, individuals can prioritize their own needs and protect their emotional state. This allows for more effective communication, empathy, and understanding in relationships. It also enables individuals to navigate challenging situations with a greater sense of control and agency.

If you want to hear more about how boundaries would be beneficial in your life, make sure to check out Season 2, Episode 5 of Shift Our Shit! 

 

Ashley, vaden, therapist, couples, louisville

Meet Mindfulness & IFS Guru Ashley Vaden, LMFT

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Reassessing midlife for more fulfillment.

In Season 2, Episode 3 (Part 1) Megan discusses the common experience of feeling stuck or unfulfilled in her midlife journey. She acknowledges the feeling of being a hamster on a hamster wheel, going through the motions without making progress or finding joy. This sentiment resonates with many individuals who reach a point in their lives where they question if they have accomplished all they set out to do and if there is more to life.

Midlife is a natural time for reflection and reassessment. It is a period where individuals evaluate what is working for them and what is not. This introspection is normal and can lead to personal growth and positive change. Megan encourages listeners to reclaim their time, energy, and joy in order to make the most of the second half of their lives.

Ashley Vaden, shares her personal experience and perspective. She talks about growing up in Frankfurt, Kentucky, and the culture shock she experienced when moving to Shelby County. Despite the challenges, she used this time to focus on her studies and develop a love for learning. Ashley expresses her desire to be a lifelong student and emphasizes the importance of continuous growth and curiosity.

Ashley’s journey led her to study psychology in college, driven by her own positive experience with therapy in high school. This decision reflects her desire to understand human behavior and help others. Megan commends Ashley for her work as an office therapist at the Mindfulness Center and highlights her contributions to mindfulness classes.

There is great significance in reassessing midlife for more fulfillment. It encourages individuals to take stock of their lives, identify areas that need improvement, and seek out new experiences that bring joy and peace. By acknowledging the need for change and actively pursuing personal growth, individuals can find greater fulfillment and happiness in the second half of their lives.

Reassessing midlife is not about regret or feeling like time has been wasted. Instead, it is an opportunity to realign priorities, set new goals, and make conscious choices that align with one’s values and passions. It is about finding the courage to make changes and explore new possibilities.

This is a reminder that it is never too late to reassess and make positive changes. Megan encourages listeners to embrace the second half of their lives with a sense of adventure, curiosity, and a commitment to personal growth.

Flexibility and freedom in therapy.

Flexibility and freedom in therapy are crucial aspects that can greatly impact both the therapist and the client. 

Flexibility allows therapists to adapt their approach and techniques to meet the unique needs of each client. Ashley had initially considered pursuing a career in fashion or moving to New York. However, due to financial responsibilities and student loans, she decided to utilize her psychology degree and work as a therapist. This decision demonstrates the flexibility she had to make in order to support her son and pay off her debts. By being open to different possibilities and adapting to the circumstances, she was able to find a job that aligned with her skills and interests.

Furthermore, flexibility in therapy allows therapists to be responsive to the changing needs and goals of their clients. Ashley initially did not want to work with children but found herself working with them in her first job. However, she discovered a love for working with kids and found it to be a profound and life-changing experience. This demonstrates how being open to new experiences and adapting to different client populations can lead to unexpected growth and fulfillment in therapy.

In addition to flexibility, freedom in therapy is also crucial.She mentioned that she decided to transition to a different job after five years of working in a high-intensity setting. She desired more flexibility and freedom to be with her child. This highlights the importance of work-life balance and the need for therapists to prioritize their own well-being and personal lives. By seeking out a job that provides more flexibility, therapists can create a healthier and more fulfilling work environment for themselves.

Freedom in therapy allows clients to feel empowered and in control of their own healing journey. Ashley mentioned how she appreciated having someone tell her what to do when she was feeling burnt out in grad school. By providing clients with the freedom to make choices and take ownership of their healing process, therapists can empower them to overcome challenges and achieve their goals.

Internal Family Systems empowers change.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic modality that empowers individuals to create change from within. It recognizes that within each person, there are multiple parts that make up their internal system. These parts can be seen as different aspects of the individual’s personality, each with its own unique characteristics and motivations. The goal of IFS is to help individuals understand and connect with these parts, and ultimately, to find harmony and balance within themselves.

In this episode, Megan talks about the transformative power of IFS in the lives of both therapists and clients. Ashley shares her experience of transitioning from working in an agency to starting her own private practice. Initially, she felt afraid and uncertain about this change, but when she shared her decision with her boss, he expressed his support and decided to join her in this new venture. This moment of validation and support brought a sense of relief and confirmation that she was on the right path. It highlights how IFS can provide individuals with the courage and confidence to make significant life changes.

Internal Family Systems empowers change by providing individuals with the tools and understanding to explore and connect with their internal selves It encourages flexibility, adaptability, and self-compassion, allowing individuals to make meaningful changes in their lives. 

If you are interested in learning more about Internal Family Systems and therapy, make sure to check out this interview with Ashley on the shift your shit podcast! 

 

Jennifer Komis, anxiety, panic attacks

Tools for your Toolbox for Stress & Anxiety: CBT Exercises

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Finding Your Way Out of the Stress & Anxiety Trap

by Jennifer Komis, LMFT

Do you know that your body knows you are anxious before you are conscious of anxiety? Your body
reacts to stress triggers rapidly, creating a tightening in your chest, tension across your forehead, or
maybe a dry mouth or upset stomach. Because the mind and body are inextricably linked like this,
therapists can treat anxiety and stress in multiple ways: we can provide interventions to help calm the
mind AND we can collaborate with you to help calm the body. This is good news, as you have MANY
options of treatment that can help you find your way out of the stress and anxiety trap!
If you prefer to examine how your thoughts impact your behaviors, cognitive behavioral therapy may be
a good fit for you. If you like the idea of slowing down your mind, learning to watch your thoughts and
observe your body’s sensations, a mindfulness approach may be most helpful. If identifying the inner
parts of yourself that feel anxious and working to calm them sounds appealing, internal family systems
could be just your thing. And if learning breathing techniques and physical relaxation exercises floats
your boat, therapy that focuses first on the body could be perfect for you.
At the Louisville Mindfulness Center, we are well-versed in all these approaches to treating stress and
anxiety. We consider it a privilege to get to know you personally and determine which approach (or
approaches) feels like the right fit for you. In this blog series, we’ll give you a preview of these
techniques and show you how to alleviate anxiety through each approach. Today’s focus? The cognitive
behavioral approach!

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT helps you uncover the core thoughts leading you to feel anxious and helps you become aware of
how those thoughts may be driving your actions. Check out an example:

 Stressful event: I got frustrated and raised my voice to my child today.
 What are the resulting thoughts that maintain my stress or anxiety? (e.g., I’m not a good mom.)
 What feelings do these thoughts lead me to have? (e.g., sadness, hopelessness, apathy)
 What behaviors do these thoughts lead me to do? (e.g., give up on tasks, crash on couch, avoid
to-do list)

CBT offers hope because it reminds us that if you change your thoughts, you change your actions! So, in
therapy, we work on reframing the core thoughts that are keeping you stuck and replacing them with
thoughts that bring you more freedom and the actions you desire. For example:

 Old thought: I’m not a good mom.
 New thought: I’m normal because most (if not all) parents struggle with frustration with their
children. I shouldn’t beat myself up. I also did a lot of things well today as a parent.
 New feelings: accepted, calm, motivated
 New behaviors: takes a break for self-care and reflection, calls friend to process stress, moves on
with the day’s tasks

Your turn! What’s a reoccurring thought that may be keeping you stuck? Can you challenge it? Think
about it another way? Give it a try and see how changing your thoughts can cause a positive ripple effect
throughout your day. Then, check out our next newsletter where we’ll discuss another tool for your
toolbox: the mindfulness approach to finding your way out of the stress and anxiety trap!

Jennifer Komis, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist who helps you learn new ways of solving problems and healing. She wants you to know that hope is always available to you, however dismal life may seem. My clients describe me as authentic, down-to-earth, non-judgmental, and real.

She is currently only offering teletherapy services. Teletherapy allows us to meet conveniently face-to-face online without you needing to worry about traffic or childcare. Telehealth therapy is shown to be an effective way to address the vast majority of psychological and relational concerns. I welcome you to email me any questions you have or sign up for a free phone consultation or first telehealth session using the links.

CLICK HERE to schedule a free 10 minute consultation with Jennifer TODAY!

 

Britt, Britt Riddle, Religious trauma

Meet Britt Riddle, DMin, MAMFT!

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Reassessing midlife for fulfillment—transition from minister to therapist.

In season 2, episode 2 (part 1) of Shifting Our Shit (S.O.S.) podcast, Megan introduces Britt
Riddle, a therapist at The Mindfulness Center. Britt is originally from Louisville, but more
recently she lived in Virginia and Western Kentucky while serving in congregations as an
ordained minister. Britt describes how she found herself drawn to the moments she calls “deep
spaces,” in ministry such as the sacred conversations that happened in hospital rooms, in nursing
homes, and at funeral services. Though no longer serving professionally in a congregation, Britt
continues to engage in spiritual practices by attending a Quaker meeting (where there is no
ordained leadership) where she is learning new ways of being in community with people without
being responsible for leading or managing the space.
Britt holds both a Master of Divinity (M.Div.) degree and a Doctor of Ministry (D.Min.) degree,
and it was this path and her own experience of burnout that eventually led her to return to
Louisville in order to pursue a degree in marriage and family therapy. Britt shares that being a
therapist had always been in the back of her mind, but the timing was not right to make this shift
until more recently.

Self-care for sensitive people.

Britt self-identifies as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and shares how the “sensitive” trait is
often overlooked and/or misunderstood—as a personality it exists on a continuum—we all have
some level of sensitivity and those with higher levels tend to take on more energy and feelings
from others. Britt discusses how having high empathy and high sensitivity traits led to
compassion fatigue and burnout as a minister, and ultimately, a career shift to become a
therapist.
For those who are HSPs, Britt describes the importance of recognizing and honoring your needs
for downtime and solitude in order to process and recharge emotions. HSPs are often drawn to
personal and professional work that involve caring for others, which makes the need for
boundaries essential in order to maintain emotional and physical health.
Britt highlights the importance for HSPs of seeking support and professional help when
needed—especially when feeling emotionally overwhelmed. She pursued a degree in marriage
and family therapy to better understand her own experiences and now works with clients who are
experiencing compassion fatigue and burnout.

Pause before reacting to emotions.

Britt highlights the practice of pausing before reacting to emotions. In her own experience Britt
does this by paying close attention to her internal, somatic experience, allowing her to recognize
when her heart rate is increasing and any other physical symptoms she may notice. These
physical cues serve as a reminder to pause and take a moment before responding/reacting to a
situation, which allows our brain to kick in and make active, mindful decisions about how to
respond (rather than react in a way that may be unhelpful). Mindfulness involves being present in
the moment and fully aware of one’s thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. By practicing
mindfulness, we can become more attuned to our emotions and recognize when we are starting to
feel dysregulated or overwhelmed.

Continuting education, mindfulness, megan, bartley

Meet Megan Bayles Bartley

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Megan Bayles Bartley is a mental health and relationship expert. Over the last twenty years, she has honed her unique skills as a therapist and now shares her knowledge with you on her podcast – Shifting Our Shit. In Part 1 of this episode, she talks about her past and how she ended up becoming a therapist. Listen further to Episode 1, Part 2 where she talks about her own experience with therapy over the last 30-plus year.

About Megan.

 

In this episode, Megan addresses the common feeling of being stuck in a routine, like a hamster on a hamster wheel, and not making any progress. She acknowledges the midlife stage as a time for reassessment and reflect on whether if she has accomplished all that she has set out to do in life and if she feels fulfilled. It is normal to question what is working and what is not during this phase.

 

Megan emphasizes the importance of reclaiming one’s time, energy, and joy in order to make the most out of the second half of life. She invites listeners who resonate with these feelings to join her on this podcast journey. She introduces herself as Megan Bayles Bartley and expresses her excitement about hosting the podcast solo, though she will be accompanied by the therapy dog, Lemon Drop.

 

Megan shares her background, starting with growing up in Seattle, Washington, and attending the University of Washington. She initially wanted to become a naturopathic physician and created her own major called Community Health Management. However, after struggling with hard science classes, she switched gears and explored art as a potential career path. Eventually, her interest in wellness versus illness led her to pursue a degree in marriage and family therapy at the Presbyterian seminary in Louisville, Kentucky.

 

During her time in Tucson, Arizona, working for the Presbyterian Church, Megan discovered her passion for listening, talking, and counseling while interacting with students at the University of Arizona. This experience prompted her to pursue a career as a therapist. With the church’s support, she applied to a seminary program that offered a degree in marriage and family therapy. This field aligned with her systemic approach, focusing on understanding individuals within the context of her various systems and influences.

 

Megan moved to Louisville, Kentucky, to pursue her master’s degree and had a great experience. She met her husband while in Louisville but eventually moved to Austin, Texas, where she practiced as a therapist for 11 years. Nine years ago, they returned to Louisville and started her solo therapy practice.

 

The podcast episode ends with Megan’s introduction to the upcoming season, where she will explore mindfulness and the Mindfulness team. However, the overarching theme of reassessing and reclaiming one’s life remains prevalent throughout the episode.

 

Finding peace in midlife.

After three years of starting a solo therapy practice in Louisville, Megan decided to expand and create the Mindfulness Center, a space for therapists to practice and develop their own practice within. 

 

The goal of the Mindfulness Center is to help people find peace, joy, and a sense of calm in their lives.

 

  • Megan shares that her own experience of being a fairly anxious person in her younger years, growing up in an emotionally unstable household, led her to become controlling and perfectionistic. She emphasizes the importance of therapy in her own life and how it has shaped her as the founding director of the Mindfulness Center.

 

  • Megan also discusses the challenges that many high-functioning individuals face as they reach their 40s and 50s. She refers to this stage as the “fuck it 40s,” where individuals may feel overwhelmed, tired, and worn out. It is a time of redefining one’s life and asking important questions about what they want out of life and how they want to live the second half of their life.

 

  • Megan acknowledges that many high achievers find it difficult to give themselves permission to not constantly achieve and to simply enjoy where they have gotten to. High achievers explore the idea of finding fulfillment in relaxation and enjoying the present moment, which can be challenging for those who are type A personalities.

 

  • The episode also touches on the idea of preparing for the future, such as when children leave the house and exploring new opportunities for travel or personal growth. Megan discusses her own mindset of always looking for the next challenge and how she enjoys taking on home improvement projects.

 

Prioritize self-awareness as a therapist.

Therapists play a crucial role in helping individuals navigate through their emotional and mental struggles. They provide support, guidance, and tools for personal growth and healing. However, it is essential for therapists to prioritize self-awareness in their own lives. This podcast episode emphasizes the significance of therapists seeking their own therapy and being self-aware in their practice.

 

  • One of the main reasons therapists could prioritize self-awareness is to ensure they are providing the best possible care to their clients. By engaging in therapy themselves, therapists gain insight into their own emotions, triggers, and biases. This self-reflection allows them to better understand their clients’ experiences and offer more empathetic and effective treatment. It also helps therapists recognize and address any personal issues that may interfere with their ability to provide unbiased and objective support.

 

  • Moreover, therapists who prioritize self-awareness are more likely to be high-functioning professionals. Megan mentions that clients may not go further than their therapists have gone, suggesting that therapists need to continuously challenge themselves and strive for personal growth. Being aware of their own emotional state and personal limitations allows therapists to better manage their own well-being and prevent burnout. It also enables them to model healthy coping mechanisms and resilience for their clients.

 

  • Furthermore, self-aware therapists are better equipped to handle the complexities and nuances of therapy. As Megan suggests, therapists who are emotionally aware can adapt to the ever-changing dynamics of each session. They can respond appropriately to their clients’ needs and emotions, creating a safe and supportive environment for healing. By being self-aware, therapists can also recognize when they need to seek consultation or refer clients to other professionals who may be better suited to address specific issues.

 

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE SHIFTING OUR SH!T PODCAST

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