Trusting Your Instincts
Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT
“Be willing to trust your instincts, especially if you cannot find answers elsewhere.”~Brian Koslow
This means listening to your gut and your heart. You are the expert on yourself. No one knows you or your situation better than you. So trust yourself.
Many of us have a hard time trusting ourselves. This is to be expected when we are surrounded by others placing their expectations for us on us. Our loved ones love us AND they manage(d) their anxieties of being a parent by “parenting” us in ways that sometimes didn’t feel great for us when we were young (and perhaps even today as adults!).
Were they wrong or bad for doing this? Not necessarily. They likely didn’t know better and saw others doing the same.
What we can do now is offer ourselves new options.
Pretend we’re re-parenting ourselves. We all still have the little 7 year old in us who is still needing something they haven’t gotten. Ask them what it is they are needing. I’m sure they’d be happy to tell you. And likely you already have a good idea.
Then allow your adult self to help get your 7-year-old self’s needs met. You likely do this easily and willingly for others. Now do it for yourself. You deserve it, even if you’ve felt perhaps you didn’t.
Perhaps you also allow this to have an impact on your own parenting?
Notice when you’re managing your anxiety by expecting certain things of your children rather than just allowing them to show up exactly as they are. Don’t get me wrong, there is a fine balance between guiding/teaching/parenting children and allowing them to be themselves. However, perhaps this is a reminder that we all just want to be loved and accepted for exactly who we are.
We all deserve that.