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Parenting Adolescents: Understanding Your Teen’s Changing Brain

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By Megan Bayles Bartley, LMFT

Parenting adolescents is like navigating uncharted waters in a boat that keeps changing shape. Just when you think you’ve found your balance, everything shifts again. Not too dissimilar to the toddler years. 

I see it daily in my therapy practice at The Mindfulness Center—parents who are trying their best to understand the teenager who seems to have replaced their once-communicative child. One minute your teen is seeking your advice, the next they’re rolling their eyes at everything you say. One day they need a hug, the next day they can barely tolerate being in the same room with you.

This rollercoaster isn’t just challenging—it’s neurologically normal.

The Adolescent Brain: Under Construction

Your teen’s brain is literally rewiring itself. The prefrontal cortex—responsible for judgment, decision-making, and impulse control—won’t be fully developed until their mid-20s. Meanwhile, the emotional centers of the brain are in overdrive.

What does this mean for you as a parent?

Your teenager isn’t giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.

When your 15-year-old makes a decision that leaves you baffled, remember: they’re operating with different neural equipment than you are. Their brain prioritizes emotion, social connection, and novelty over caution and long-term thinking.

Meeting Them Where They Are

One mother shared with me how her relationship with her son transformed when she stopped expecting him to process emotions the way she did. “I used to demand that we talk through conflicts right away,” she said. “Now I give him space, and our conversations are so much more productive when he’s ready.”

Try this mindful approach:

  • Recognize when your teen is in emotional overwhelm (the sighs, the slammed doors, the one-word answers)
  • Offer presence without pressure (“I’m here when you’re ready to talk”)
  • Create rhythm rather than rules (consistent connection points that respect their growing need for autonomy)

The Power of Curiosity

Instead of assuming you know what your teen is thinking (which, let’s be honest, we rarely do), approach them with genuine curiosity.

“I notice you’ve been quieter than usual after school this week. I’m wondering what that’s about for you.”

This open-ended invitation communicates respect for their inner world and reinforces that you see them as their own person—not just an extension of yourself.

Remember, parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about connection.

Even in the midst of adolescent chaos, there is space for calm. There is space for understanding. There is space for growth—both yours and theirs.

Take a deep breath. This is just one phase of many on the parenting journey. You’ve navigated challenges before, and you’ll navigate this one too.

In next month’s blog, we’ll explore practical strategies for communicating with your teen when emotions run high. Until then, be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can with the tools you have.

 

Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT, is a proud member of The American Society of Clinical Hypnosis and The International Society of Hypnosis.

She has written several contributions for the Ericksonian Foundation Newsletter multiple times! She’s even had her book RESET: Six Powerful Exercises to Refocus Your Attention on What Works for You and Let Go of What Doesn’t reviewed in the Newsletter. Read the review HERE!

The Gifts of Depression

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by Ashley Vaden, LMFT

 

“You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase:  make use of suffering.” These words, attributed to Henri-Frederic Amiel, hold a quiet truth that many of us resist. Depression, in all its weight and misery, feels like the enemy—something to escape, numb, or conquer. But what if depression were not an adversary, but a guide? An indicator or your next rite of passage?

 

Carl Jung reminds us that depression is not necessarily pathological. Often, it signals the need for profound change, a harbinger of transformation. Depression, when viewed through this lens, becomes less a punishment and more a messenger, carrying within it the potential for psychological renewal and creativity.

 

To “depress” means to “press down,” to force us into the depths of our own psyche. And though this descent is painful, is it purposeful. Depression pulls our energy and focus inward, away from the external world and distractions that we so often fixate upon. It demands that we stop looking outward for meaning and instead confront what lies within—the forgotten, the suppressed, the unconscious treasure of our own being.

 

James Hollis writes “It takes great courage to value depression, to respect it, not to try and medicate it away or distract ourselves from its misery. Down there is potential meaning split off from consciousness, but alive, dynamic.” Beneath the heaviness, beneath the despair, depression points us to what is hidden:  our instincts, passions, creative drives, and the fragments of our true selves. Depression serves as an opportunity to sift through our value system and determine what matters most. What we often experience as unbearable heaviness is, paradoxically, the weight of something alive struggling to emerge.

 

This descent into the depths is not a journey to be resisted. What we resist, after all, persists. The greatest treasures lie at the deepest places. Depression teaches us to dig, sift, and to descent without resistance, and unearth the psychological gold buried beneath. Yet, this does not mean identifying with depression or becoming lost within it. There is power in maintaining objectivity—in stepping back and observing it, not as something we are but as a part of us with something to teach.

 

In modern society, depression is heavily stigmatized, often seen as a personal failing or a condition to be cured quickly and quietly. We have little tolerance for its presence and even less space for expression. Thomas Moore in Care of the Soul challenges this perspective by suggesting that we reframe our relationship with depression entirely. Rather than pushing it to the margins of our lives, Moore argues that we create intentional spaces for depression—quiet, solitary sanctuaries within our communities. Imagine office buildings with dedicated rooms for solitude, , where people can retreat to sit with their feelings without shame or interruption. By making room for depression, not as an inconvenience but as a natural and meaningful part of life, we begin to strip away the stigma and embrace its potential to transform and renew us.

When we allow ourselves to sit with depression, to listen without judgement, it reveals its purpose:  to elicit dynamic change, to force a reorientation of the soul. It reminds us of what we have neglected within ourselves. Depression is not the end; it is the beginning of a renewal, a signpost pointing toward transformation and meaning.

 

So, when depression visits, as unwelcome as it may feel, consider this:  what lies beneath its weight? What treasure is hidden in the depth of it urges you to explore? It is in the descent, in the courage to feel and observe, that we begin to rise.

 

After acquiring my Master’s Degree at the University of Rochester, I returned to my home state of Kentucky. For the past 5 years, I have been serving adults, teens, and couples at The Mindfulness Center. I help clients heal and grow through means of self compassion and self-derived skills. I have felt especially drawn to attachment theory and Internal Family Systems, as I have found them to be the most empowering and effective modalities for complex trauma and relational distress. I hope to help people make use of their suffering and find purpose and meaning through life’s struggles.

 

To schedule an appointment with me click here.

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Therapist Elizabeth McCormack shares what she’s learned personally about boundaries!

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Therapy is essential for growth.

Hitting a plateau or feeling unfulfilled is a common experience at midlife. It is normal to reassess what is working and what is not, and to want to reclaim one’s time, energy, and joy. 

Megan believes that therapists benefit from undergoing therapy themselves. Clients can only go as deep and as far as their therapists have gone.  This sentiment is echoed by Elizabeth McCormack, who shares her own experiences with therapy.

Elizabeth reveals that she had her first therapy session in high school, a time when she was going through the challenges of coming of age and dealing with the complexities of her parents’ divorce. However, she quickly realized that the therapist she saw did not understand her experiences as a young teenage girl, and she discontinued therapy after a few sessions.

Despite this initial negative experience, Elizabeth later pursued therapy during graduate school when her father passed away. She felt that it was necessary to work through the unresolved issues in her relationship with her father. She also has continued therapy on and off in different settings, depending on the circumstances she was facing.

Elizabeth emphasizes the importance of the therapeutic relationship and finding the right therapist. She advises her clients to give therapy a few sessions and to trust their instincts. If they feel uncomfortable or do not trust their therapist, she encourages them to find someone else. She believes that 80% of the effectiveness of therapy is dependent on having the right therapist.

She also acknowledges the challenges of finding the right therapist, especially during times of transition or relocation. Elizabeth shares her own difficulties in finding a therapist when she moved from state to state. She recognizes that moving is one of the most challenging life experiences and that therapy can be crucial in helping individuals navigate through these transitions.

The essential role of therapy in personal growth and fulfillment is crucial. Therapy provides individuals with the tools to navigate through challenging periods, work through unresolved issues, and manage stress and anxiety. Ultimately, therapy is a valuable resource for individuals seeking personal growth, fulfillment, and a greater sense of well-being.

Transitioning in therapy is therapeutic.

Transitioning in therapy is therapeutic because it allows individuals to learn new things, gain a different perspective, and re-narrate their story. The process of transitioning from one therapist to another provides an opportunity to explore and process past experiences, trauma, and emotions. It allows individuals to reflect on their journey and gain a deeper understanding of themselves.

One of the benefits of transitioning in therapy is the chance to learn new things. Each therapist has a unique approach and perspective, which can offer fresh insights and techniques. By working with different therapists, individuals can expand their knowledge and gain new tools for personal growth and healing.

Transitioning in therapy also allows individuals to re-narrate their story. As they move from one therapist to another, they have the opportunity to reflect on their past experiences and how they have evolved over time. They can examine their childhood, teenage years, and any traumatic events that have shaped their lives. By re-telling their story, individuals can gain a new understanding of themselves and their emotions.

It allows individuals to focus on the present and future. While it is important to acknowledge and process the past, therapy also encourages individuals to look forward and set goals for personal growth. Therapists at the Mindfulness Center, for example, are solution-focused and help clients identify where they want to be headed. By exploring the past, individuals can gain insights and knowledge that can help them navigate their current challenges and move forward in a more fulfilling way.

Therapy can be particularly beneficial for high-functioning individuals who are experiencing a point of stagnation or feeling stuck. Therapy provides a space for them to talk through their challenges and gain support from someone who understands and empathizes with their experiences. Trust is an essential component of therapy, and individuals can trust that their therapist has either been through similar experiences or has helped others overcome similar challenges.

Shift, boundaries, independence, growth, connection.

One of the key themes is the need to shift. Elizabeth emphasizes the importance of recognizing when something needs to change and taking action to make that shift. This can apply to various aspects of life, including work, relationships, and personal growth. By paying attention to how one feels and questioning their actions and motivations, individuals can identify areas where change is needed and take steps to make that shift.

Setting boundaries is another important aspect discussed in the podcast. Over-functioning, whether it be at work or in personal relationships, can lead to feelings of burnout and dependency. Elizabeth encourages listeners to examine their own behavior and question whether their helping is truly beneficial or if it is keeping others dependent on them. Setting boundaries allows individuals to maintain their own independence and encourages others to take responsibility for themselves.

Independence and personal growth are so important. The importance of allowing children to make mistakes and learn from them, even if it means experiencing discomfort. This same principle applies to adults as well. Personal growth often comes from trying new things, making mistakes, and learning from them. It is important to embrace discomfort and navigate through it in order to grow and develop as individuals.

Connection is another key theme, particularly in the context of couples therapy. Elizabeth mentions the Gottman model, which focuses on building a strong friendship and connection within a relationship. This involves actively listening, showing interest, and being present for one’s partner. By prioritizing connection, couples can strengthen their relationship and improve overall satisfaction.

Effective communication is key.

Effective communication is key in all aspects of life, especially in relationships. Megan discusses the importance of resolving conflict, understanding each other’s needs, and maintaining a strong emotional connection.

One aspect of effective communication is the ability to resolve conflict. Megan acknowledges that it is common for couples to have recurring fights or unresolvable issues. However, she emphasizes the importance of addressing these conflicts instead of letting them simmer. By having open and honest conversations about their concerns, couples can work towards finding solutions and improving their relationship.

Another aspect of effective communication is the need for open dialogue about expectations and desires. Megan mentions that many couples struggle with feeling unsatisfied in their sex lives or have different expectations regarding love and intimacy. By openly discussing these topics and seeking a third party’s perspective, couples can gain insight into what is normal and find ways to improve their relationship.

Megan and Elizabeth talk about the significance of fostering connection and maintaining a strong emotional bond. They note that it is important for couples to be friends and to continuously work on their friendship. This involves prioritizing quality time together. By nurturing their emotional connection, couples can strengthen their relationship and navigate challenges more effectively. 

If you want to learn more about boundaries, communication, and therapy join us on this episode of shifting our shit as we talk with Elizabeth. 

How parents can use tools like self-compassion and reframing at home to help.

Tools for Your Parenting Toolbox: SELF-COMPASSION & REFRAMING

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Welcome back to the third and final post in my series on how we can support our kids by using some simple therapeutic strategies at home. I’m Kim Hamilton and a therapist at Louisville Mindfulness Center. I specialize in working with kids, teens, and parents to create family harmony. I love to support parents by offering them tools for their parenting toolbox to handle the stress and uncertainty that comes along with parenting.

In the past weeks, I have told you about three other tools  – Attunement, Emotional Literacy, and Self-Regulation. With these skills, you are able to take notice when your child needs a deeper level of attention, help them to understand what they are feeling and why, and give them tips on how to cope in the moment. Be sure to check out the previous posts for more detail!

Today I will share with you the final two tools: self-compassion and reframing.

SELF-COMPASSION

Give yourself and your child a break! If your child is hard on themselves, don’t just tell them to calm down. Instead, talk with them about the three steps to implement self-compassion:

  1. Acknowledge that you are experiencing pain and be kind to yourself. Being kind to yourself increases well-being, reduces anxiety and depression and can help fend off other health issues like substance abuse, eating disorders, and suicidal ideation.
  2. Recognize that you are not alone. We are so creatures and mostly all harbor some amount of empathy for other people. If someone around you is feeling anxious, you will most likely pick up on that and feel some anxiety. This is especially true for close relationships, like parents and children. 
  3. Put your experiences in perspective to moderate your own negative reactivity. If your child is having a high-intensity moment and you are feeling yourself getting worked up, instead of exploding, implement self-compassion instead. You can do this by speaking out loud or silently to calm yourself. Your child benefits regardless.
REFRAMING

This final tool is one of my favorites! When we get annoyed, mad, or frustrated with our kids, we often begin labeling them either out loud or in our heads. Instead of automatically going to that place, try thinking about other ways you can look at the situation.

By avoiding assumptions and judgments you can see and become open to other possibilities and can envision positive paths forward. For example, if your child is upset because they are having trouble with a friend, they may immediately go to the worst possible scenario and assume things like the friend doesn’t like them anymore or maybe even that nobody likes them. You can help them feel better by reframing the situation and asking questions like, “What’s the worst thing that could happen? Is it forever or just temporary? Is it everybody?”

Help them to question the assumptions they are making and to think optimistically. This way they are able to see bad things as temporary and specific. It’s easy to generalize and view bad situations as permanent when we are sad or upset. By reframing, we can see the other, more realistic, possibilities.

I hope you have enjoyed learning these five skills and are now able to implement them into practice with yourself and with your family! By learning how to be a more effective parent and really listening to our kids, we build their resilience so they can be happy, motivated, and empowered.

If you have experimented with these tools with your children, I’d love to know how it went! Feel free to email me and let me know: [email protected].

If you liked what you read and feel I could be of assistance to you and your family, feel free to schedule a free 10-minute consult with me at your convenience online HERE!

Kim Hamilton, MAMFT specializes in working with kids, teens, and parents to bring emotional regulation and harmony to families and households. She works from a non-judgmental, solution-focused, non-pathologizing perspective that creates win-win scenarios within relationships. Megan Bayles Bartley is excited for Kim to join the team and knows she will be a wonderful resource for your family.

Find out more on Kim’s bio page on the Louisville Mindfulness Center website!

 

 

*This blog was inspired by the Washington Post article: “Five skills parents can learn so they can help their children cope”

speaking your truth

Tools for Your Parenting Toolbox: EMOTIONAL LITERACY & SELF-REGULATION

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Welcome back to my series on how we can support our kids by using some simple therapeutic
strategies at home. My name is Kim Hamilton and I’m a therapist at Louisville Mindfulness Center. I
specialize in working with kids, teens, and parents to create family harmony. I love to support
parents by offering them tools for their parenting toolbox to handle the stress and uncertainty
that comes along with parenting.

Last time I talked about Attunement and discussed three ways of noticing when they need a
deeper level of attention, therefore strengthening our relationships with them and helping
them to better understand themselves and their feelings. We can do this by 1) paying attention,
2) reflecting, and 3) validating. If you missed it or want a refresher, you can check it out here.

Today I’ll share two more tools: emotional literacy and self-regulation.

EMOTIONAL LITERACY

Let’s start with Emotional Literacy. We can help our kids by helping them to understand their own feelings and how their body physically responds to those emotions. We’ve all experienced “butterflies” in our stomachs when we get nervous, but what about that stomach ache or headache; or that pressure in our chest or inability to catch a breath? What do they mean? When they can learn to tune in to their emotions, to become aware of them, and notice them, they will not only get better at managing their emotions but also at being able to predict them.

SELF-REGULATION

But what do we do when it is already happening?

When we are in the moment of strong emotion, it is difficult to regulate that feeling. Think about when your child is having a tantrum or has asked you 20 times for the same thing. It is easy to feel overwhelmed with emotions, which often lead to behaviors we may regret later. The same is true for kids when they are fighting with a friend or anxious about a big test.

By learning to self-regulate in those moments, we can be in control of how we react. Pausing and breathing intentionally is key to this.

One breathing technique I like is box breathing – breath in for four second, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, and then hold for four seconds again.

You can also use grounding techniques like 5-4-3-2-1. Name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. You can also go for a
walk, jump up and down, listen to music, or do anything else that helps.

Model this self-regulation to your kids and explain to them what you are doing. This will show them how they can also cope in the midst of difficult feelings.

I invite you to experiment with emotional literacy and self-regulation and see how it goes! Feel free to email me and let me know: [email protected].

If you liked what you read and feel I could be of assistance to you and your family, feel free to schedule a free 10-minute consult with me at your convenience online HERE!

 Kim Hamilton, MAMFT specializes in working with kids, teens, and parents to bring emotional regulation and harmony to families and households. She works from a non-judgemental, solution-focused, non-pathologizing perspective that creates win-win scenarios within relationships. Megan Bayles Bartley is excited for Kim to join the team and knows she will be a wonderful resource for your family.

Find out more on Kim’s bio page on the Louisville Mindfulness Center website!

 

 

*This blog was inspired by the Washington Post article: “Five skills parents can learn so they can help their children cope”

Tools for Your Parenting Toolbox: ATTUNEMENT

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Parenting is hard. Period. But it is especially difficult and disheartening when your child is struggling and you don’t know how to best help them. Kids are experiencing unprecedented amounts of mental health issues due to the coronavirus pandemic, but we as parents can support them by using some simple therapeutic strategies at home. This will be the first in a series teaching you various healthy coping skills to implement with your children.

Hi! I’m Kim Hamilton. I’m a new therapist at Louisville Mindfulness Center. I specialize in working with kids, teens, and parents to create family harmony. I love to support parents by offering them tools for their parenting toolbox to handle the stress and uncertainty that comes along with parenting.

ATTUNEMENT

Let’s start with attuning. Our lives are busy chauffeuring kids to activities, helping with homework, making dinner, and still trying to fit in our own needs. It is easy to get caught up in the stress of it all and not pay attention to what is actually going on in our kids’ minds and lives. By noticing when they need a deeper level of attention, we strengthen our relationships with them and help them to better understand themselves and their feelings. So how exactly do we do attune?

Pay Attention

The first tool for your toolbox is to simply pay attention! Has their mood changed or has there been a shift to their normal routine? Take notice and dig deeper. They are most likely going to say they are fine and nothing is wrong, but don’t let the conversation stop there. Share with them what you are noticing and even offer a guess at what might be wrong in order to get the conversation started.

Reflect

Reflective listening is another tool that is great to use, not only with your kids but in all your relationships. Begin by listening closely to what they have to say. Then, repeat back to them what you heard them say in a paraphrased way. Lastly, ask your child if your understanding is correct and if you missed anything. For example, if they are arguing with a friend, ask them to explain to you what is going on. You can repeat back to them what you heard by saying, “What I heard you say is…Is that correct? Did I miss anything?” This will allow your child to process their emotions, consider how their actions contributed to the situation, and decide how to move forward.

Validate

Lastly, and possibly, most importantly, is validation. Your child may tell you something that you don’t like and is upsetting, and it is important for you as the parent not to react immediately. Just listen. Then validate their perspective instead of dismissing their feelings or trying to change their mind. As parents, we want to fix everything for our children. When we do this, when we fix things or give them the answer, they don’t experience the struggle that comes with the learning process. It’s ok for our kids to struggle a bit. Growth doesn’t happen without some discomfort. Validating doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but by acknowledging their pain, the struggle becomes easier for them and leads to behavior change.

I invite you to experiment with these steps to attune with your children. I’d love to know how it goes! Feel free to email me and let me know: [email protected].

If you liked what you read and feel I could be of assistance to you and your family, feel free to schedule a free 10-minute consult with me at your convenience online HERE!

 

Kim Hamilton, MAMFT specializes in working with kids, teens, and parents to bring emotional regulation and harmony to families and households. She works from a non-judgemental, solution-focused, non-pathologizing perspective that creates win-win scenarios within relationships. Megan Bayles Bartley is excited for Kim to join the team and knows she will be a wonderful resource for your family.

Find out more on Kim’s bio page on the Louisville Mindfulness Center website!

 

 

*This blog was inspired by the Washington Post article: “Five skills parents can learn so they can help their children cope”

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