At The Mindfulness Center, many clients are surprised when we discuss how holiday anxiety doesn’t just live in their worried thoughts about family dinner—it lives in their bodies and communicates through them during every family interaction, often without their awareness. The language of holiday anxiety is frequently non-verbal, and this can profoundly impact our most important family connections during what’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.

Reading Between the Holiday Lines: Anxiety’s Physical Presence at Family Gatherings

Holiday family anxiety manifests physically in ways that relatives can sense, even when we’re trying our best to appear festive:

• The slight tension in shoulders or not-so-genuine smile while opening gifts in front of everyone
• Eyes that dart toward exits when certain family topics arise
• Arms crossed protectively during conversations about life choices
• A voice that shifts pitch or speeds up when relatives ask about sensitive subjects
• The subtle stepping back when a family member moves toward emotional intimacy or confrontation

These physical expressions aren’t intentional holiday rudeness—they’re the body’s authentic response to perceived threats in an environment where we most want to belong. However, they can send mixed messages that leave family members confused, hurt, or more likely to push harder for connection in ways that increase anxiety.

The Double-Bind of Holiday Family Communication

People with anxiety often find themselves in a holiday communication double-bind that looks something like this:

Words say: “I’m so excited about Christmas dinner at your house!”
Body says: Shallow breathing, fidgeting with phone, minimal eye contact when discussing plans.

Words say: “I love spending time with everyone.”
Body says: Positioning near doorways, checking the time frequently, tense facial expressions.

Words say: “I’m fine with however we do gift exchange this year.”
Body says: Rigid posture, forced smile, distracted responses to conversation.

Family members naturally respond more to the non-verbal cues than the verbal ones—it’s human instinct. Remember, over 90% of what we communicate is non-verbal. Only 10% of what we communicate are the words.This creates holiday disconnection, as the person with anxiety may genuinely want to enjoy family time, while their body tells a story of stress and discomfort.

Mindfulness: Bridging the Holiday Communication Gap

At The Mindfulness Center, we work with clients to bring awareness to this mind-body disconnection through several holiday-specific practices:

Holiday body scanning: Before and during family gatherings, take time to notice physical sensations linked to emotional states, building awareness of how family-related anxiety manifests uniquely in your body. Do you have a lump in your throat? Are your shoulders up by your ears? Is your heart beating faster than normal? 

Pre-gathering congruence check-ins: Before important family conversations or activities, take a moment to ensure your words, intentions, and physical presence are aligned. If they’re not, that’s valuable information about what you might need. 

Transparent holiday communication: With trusted family members, practice naming the physical experience: “I notice I’m feeling tense right now. I think I’m anxious about this topic, even though I want to be here with everyone.”

Mindful holiday movement: Taking short walks between family activities, stepping outside for fresh air, or even doing gentle stretches can help reconnect mind and body, making non-verbal cues more intentional and less anxiety-driven.

One client shared a holiday breakthrough: “I realized my mom wasn’t responding to my words about being happy to help with dinner, but to how my whole body seemed stressed and overwhelmed. Once I could acknowledge that tension and ask for what I actually needed—like a few minutes to decompress—everything changed.”

Creating a Non-Verbal Holiday Safe Haven

For family members supporting someone with anxiety during the holidays, understanding the non-verbal dimension creates opportunity for deeper seasonal connection:

• Honor both verbal and non-verbal messages without assuming either tells the complete holiday story
• Create physical environments that reduce threat responses (comfortable seating areas, quiet spaces for breaks, manageable group sizes)
• Offer your own calm, open body language as an anchor during challenging family moments
• Notice and gently name incongruent messages: “I hear you saying you’re enjoying dinner, but you seem tense. Would it help to take a few minutes outside together?”

Non-verbal communication happens whether we acknowledge it or not during family gatherings. By bringing mindful awareness to this dimension, those with anxiety can bring their full selves—both spoken and unspoken—into alignment with their holiday intentions, creating family connections built on authentic presence rather than performance.

In our next blog, we’ll explore how anxiety influences honesty and disclosure with family during the holidays, and how mindfulness can help navigate these emotionally charged waters with compassion.

 

Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT, is a proud member of The American Society of Clinical Hypnosis and The International Society of Hypnosis.

She has written several contributions for the Ericksonian FoundationNewsletter multiple times! She’s even had her book RESET: Six Powerful Exercises to Refocus Your Attention on What Works for You and Let Go of What Doesn’t reviewed in the Newsletter. Read the review HERE!