law of giving

The Law of Giving (and Receiving) = FLOW

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Hi Friends! Megan Bartley here.

This year Louisville Mindfulness Center is giving away one book a month that has been influential to me in my life to better understand and love myself, my relationships, and in the work that I do as a therapist, mindfulness coach, speaker, and author.

January 2021 we are giving away, “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” by Deepak Chopra (scroll down to enter to win!)

Today I’m reflecting on the Law of Giving.

For those of us who are natural caregivers or maybe even people pleasers, we tend to give and give and give and give and give some more which can lead to us feeling depleted and perhaps frustrated when we feel no one is looking out for us and our well-being.

How I understand the Law of Giving is that there has to be a balance of Giving and Receiving. This creates a FLOW. Energy flowing out and energy flowing into our lives. If energy is only flowing out of us, then we will feel exhausted if we aren’t allowing others to care for us, or making time for us to care for ourselves. This is why we preach the necessity of “self-care” and “loving yourself.”

It’s the premise behind putting your oxygen mask on first and then assisting your dependents. If you are pouring all the water out of your pitcher into other people’s water glasses, and you don’t have a supply of water coming into your pitcher, then you will soon become dehydrated, emaciated, and feel “stuck” since there is no hydration to sustain you. And I don’t know about you, but when I’m hungry or thirsty my moods get grumpy and negative and resentful that I’m giving everyone what they need, but not receiving what I need in return.

Creating this FLOW involves allowing others to give to you…

To help you out, to bring you treats and gifts, to offer their compliments and for you to receive them gratefully and without guilt. I’m sure when you are offering your help to others you are being genuine and truly want others to take you up on your offer. How do you feel when people turn you down? Perhaps not trusted, not good enough, brushed off? When we say “no thanks” to others when they are offering help to us, we are perhaps sending these messages to them without even realizing it.

I know what you’re thinking… you’re thinking you say “no thanks” to others because you don’t want to burden them with your stuff. So ask yourself this question, “When you offer your help and assistance to others, do you feel burdened by them?”

Perhaps you can challenge yourself to get the FLOW going by asking for help.

I know, I know, many of us have a hard time asking for help, but again, when someone asks you for help, I wonder if you sometimes feel special, or trusted, or honored that they thought you were the person they could rely on for help.

When we start to shift our mindset from worrying about burdening others to creating the wonderful flow of giving and receiving, we are choosing to allow others to think of us, to “have our backs,” and we are honoring others with trusting them to help us out.

The visual I like to think of is of the ocean waves coming up to shore on the beach. There is a constant motion of waves coming in to shore and going back out again. The movement doesn’t stop, EVER. There is a flow of water coming in and a flow of water going back out to sea. The ocean is in constant FLOW. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to feel this flow in your own life? Perhaps you already do in certain areas. And perhaps there are other areas where you might challenge yourself to be more in “FLOW” with life.

I’d love to hear your feedback and if this was helpful to you. If there are other topics you’d like me to write about, please let me know!

nurturing

Nurturing the Self

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Written by Rob Giltner, MAMFT

We are living in a world that is different than what we are used to, and while most things aren’t closed down, we aren’t able to live our lives the way we were a year ago. Just getting through our daily routines has so many additional stressors that weren’t there before, and carrying all this extra stress can take a mental and physical toll. During this time, we need to recognize the signs that our body gives us when it’s overwhelmed.

Warning Signs of Chronic Stress

  • Anxious & Negative Thoughts
  • Trouble Sleeping
  • Impaired Decision Making
  • Digestive Issues
  • Inability to Concentrate
  • Irritable & Angry Mood Swings
  • Overall Feeling of Isolation
  • Depression & Hopelessness
  • Body Pains
  • Frequent Illness like Colds or Infections

When stressed, we need to step back, slow, down, and make sure that we are finding healthy ways to cope. Our lives are very busy. We may have to move at a frantic pace to keep up with the busyness. One side effect of that fast pace life that is we can forget or neglect parts of ourselves that may need nurturing. If we have a garden and we get very busy with work we may forget to water our garden. This would result in the plants dying. We must “water” and nurture are own parts as if they are apart of our own individual garden.

We all have aspects of ourselves that need to be nurtured, whether it be our inner child, inner warrior, inner doctor, or inner parent. When we nurture these parts of ourselves, we can face our repressed emotions, discover the needs that need to be soothed, and offer self-care.

finding inspiration

Finding Inspiration

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Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

I love to be inspired. When I’m inspired it’s like an endorphin rush courses through my veins and I feel amazing. Maybe I’ve been feeling anxiety or sadness or anger and am looking for something that shifts my attention. What I feed grows, so while I give myself a chance to feel my feelings, I also want to choose to feed what feelings I want to grow.

Maybe feeling inspired feels so great because inspiration usually happens when we’re least expecting it. It surprises us and catches you “off guard.” Or sometimes we want to be inspired so our eyes are open looking for it to happen.

However, inspiration is not usually something that can be forced. If I sit down at my computer to write something inspiring it’s usually because something has come to me and the I write it down.  When we sit down in front of a blank page and attempt to “force” inspiration to happen, usually we find ourselves getting frustrated and annoyed and lack focus.  This is because we can’t force ourselves to be inspired.

What we can do is put ourselves in situations or around people who inspire us. We can read inspiring books, go to museums, be in nature and feel inspiration.

A book that inspires me every time I read it is Melody Beattie’s “Journey to the Heart.” Her words are so loving and caring and encouraging it inspires me to be loving and caring and encouraging of myself. If you are looking for a daily devotional or daily inspiration, I highly recommend it.

Cheers!

joy

An Exercise In Joy & Success

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Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

“…the measure of success is absolutely the amount of joy you feel.”

Take a minute and think about a time when you felt pure joy. Oftentimes we think of moments that were life-defining. When we proposed to our sweetheart and heard “YES!” Or maybe our wedding day, or the day our first child was born, or when we got that new job, that raise or promotion.  Unfortunately for many of us our emotions fluctuate fairly rapidly and it’s rare that we can maintain that feeling of pure joy.  But what if it didn’t have to be this way? What if we could live joyful, or joy-filled, lives and experience this joy a majority of the time? Well, we can!

“Yeah, right!” I hear you saying.

Give me a minute to explain… What we’re talking about is viewing your life from a bit of a different perspective.  Instead of a perspective of LACK – “I’ll feel joy when I get that raise, meet the right person, lose 20 lbs, etc.” – and shift into a thinking of ABUNDANCE – “Everything is exactly as it needs to be. All I need to be is myself. Everything I need to know is already within me.”

See the difference?

Here’s what I want you to try: Write down the above messages of Abundance on sticky notes and stick them on places you look often – on the microwave, on your dashboard, at the bathroom mirror, on your computer screen. Make an effort to look at the messages and remember that feeling of Joy.  Soon you’ll start to associate the two together – the feeling of Joy with the message “Everything is exactly as it needs to be.”

Stick with it for 21-30 days and see what happens.  This is how long it takes to make a shift in belief, perspective or behavior change.  You are actually building new neural pathways in your brain.  The more attention you give the new perspective, and don’t give attention to the former perspective, the stronger the new perspective of Abundance becomes and the perspective of Lack begins to die off.  Remember, what we feed, grows. Give it a try!  What do you have to lose?!

When we focus on Joy FIRST, our lives will begin to shift so we experience success in multiple areas.

If there is an area that seems like a problem area now – your relationship, your job, your living situation – they will work themselves out as you are focusing on joy.  This might mean they will begin to bring you joy in new ways because you are seeing them differently OR because you see clearly now that there is no way they will bring you joy and you will make confident decisions to move beyond them.

Wouldn’t it be AWESOME to feel Joy AND Confidence?! Oh yeah, it can happen. You can do it.  Stay focused and give it 21-30 days. Be gentle with yourself. You will mess up but chalk it up to a learning experience and keep moving forward. Growth comes with growing pangs.

And if you find you need some help, we are always here to be a guide (and cheerleader!). Keep at it! We believe in you!​

self love

What Is Self Love?

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Written by Ashley Vaden, LMFT

What is self love?

I’ve found the idea of self love to be an elusive concept. A term that people like to throw around that I’ve never really grasped or experienced fully for myself. It’s like when you’re a kid in the backyard and mysteriously, a butterfly lands on you, only to fly away and never touch down again on purpose.

Has self-love ever felt like that to you? A feeling that comes close but never quite sticks? That’s why, for the past year, I’ve ventured to expand upon my understanding of self love and the explanation of it in more concrete, tangible ways. I’ve read books, listened to podcasts, worked with a mentor, interviewed trusted friends, and along the way, I’ve learned that instead of falling in love with ourselves, we grow in love with ourselves.

Self love is really about growth of self.

I’ve learned that it’s messy, and difficult, and a choice hell bent on expansion and expression. I’ve learned that we never really are the best versions of ourselves, because we are growing each and every day, but we can operate from the best versions of ourselves by choosing self and embracing authenticity. Here are my thoughts on how to grow in self love.

Self Discipline

Self discipline is the act of making promises to yourself that you in turn keep. These promises can be and should be small and specific, especially as you build confidence in yourself and require momentum in practicing self-compassion. As we strive toward bigger goals, the challenges we face may become greater, but the self discipline remains the same. Here, consistency is king. It is intention followed by action. It is choosing these values and these promises even when they are difficult to uphold.

I have found many small acts that have helped me achieve self discipline and thus expansion of self love. These include daily meditation, making my bed, drinking more water, reading for 15 minutes a day, spending time connecting with a loved one. I don’t achieve each of these tasks every day; but every day, I try to at least incorporate 3 of these intentions, whether I’m feeling rushed or I’m feeling good.

Jordan Peterson writes,

“As you attempt to climb a higher mountain or aim at a higher target, the things around you become increasingly dramatic and of import. That happens by necessity because if you’re aiming and working hard at something difficult and profound, your life is going to become increasingly difficult and profound. That might be exactly what you need as an antidote to the implicit limitations that you face as a human being.”

I think we often get this illusion that if we face obstacles that this means we are not on the right path, when essentially you must understand that the fact that you are feeling resistance means you are moving forward. I think we also misconstrue that these tasks of self discipline are difficult when we are in a place of low mood or energy. When we are feeling well, we forget the grounding practices and habits that keep us humbled and persistent. So, make promises to yourself, and keep them. Those promises lead to a larger goal when kept consistently. This journey of action aligned with value keeps you in synchrony with the growth of yourself and self love.

Click here to read the full article!

flow

The Flow of Life: Standing Before You Walk (or Run!)

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Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

Crawling, Standing, Walking, Running…

Oh, the process of life. Here it is, plain and simple.  For those of us who want something NOW, it’s important to remember that before we were able to run, first we walked, stood, and crawled. 

If you are feeling impatient about something ask yourself if you are in the perfect place to receive that thing RIGHT NOW or if there are things you need to complete to make the space more inviting for what it is you want – the perfect relationship, job, living situation. When we create the most inviting space for what we want (and I don’t mean just doing a bunch of busy work) and combine it with some trust (trust in the Universe, God, ourselves) we begin to experience flow.

Babies don’t do a lot of thinking about when they’re going to crawl or walk or run.  They try and try again with the same goal in mind, they are focused but they don’t over think it.  They are trusting and determined, and when they accomplish the task at hand it just happens. 

It’s worth noting that there are usually some people around encouraging them and supporting them. They notice and appreciate the praise and attention and keep trying.

The Flow of Life

This flow of life, of gratitude, of joy, of peace can help you accomplish anything you put your mind to.

Are you experiencing this ever-powerful feeling of “Being in the Flow?” Are you aware of and listening to the people around you who are encouraging and supportive?  Or are you sabotaging yourself and have a mindset of “it will never happen” or “I can’t…” We love helping people find their flow! And they love it even more! Reach out to us and we’ll help you get there!​

trust

Trusting the Process and Your Heart

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trust

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

Trust is not easy.

When we are “trusting” something or someone, it assumes there is some uncertainty and we’re “having faith” or trusting something positive will happen. And typically, we don’t always love to feel uncertainty.

However, most of life is fairly uncertain. We think we know what’s going to happen but then we say, “Or I could get hit by a bus tomorrow!” However, do we really think we’ll get hit by a bus? No.

What this shows us is that even in the uncertainty and the possibility of getting hit by a bus, we TRUST that we likely won’t get hit by the bus and therefore are fairly calm with the uncertainty of what will happen tomorrow.

What is really happening psychologically when we do this is sending ourselves a subconscious message that we actually think good things are most likely to happen (we’ll be alive tomorrow) more so than the negative will happen (getting hit by the bus).

I love, love, love “The Law of Detachment” chapter in Deepak Chopra’s book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. He writes,

“In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty…in the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning. And in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe.”

How poetic and reassuring; compassionate and wise. Calming even.

I wonder if you noticed how it spoke to your head or your heart, your thinking brain or your feeling brain, or both.

Or maybe you even felt the two, the thinking brain and the feeling brain, connect with each other in a way that left you feeling calm or some other positive emotion.

If not, give it another read and see what happens. Maybe something even more profound might happen. Maybe you’ll notice something come to you in a few days, a week, or even a month from now.

May we all be willing to step into the unknown; to allow ourselves the opportunity to see all the possibilities the universe has to offer.

 

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