The Element of Surprise

Surprise is a wonderful thing.  I have to own that as a therapist for over 20 years, sometimes I take too much pride in knowing that I have seen so much that it would be hard to surprise me.  Yet, if I reflect honestly, there is hardly a day that goes by that surprise doesn’t enter my practice.

In working with couples, I am most often “surprised” at how little attention, if any, is given to negotiations of how the marriage will work prior to the commitment.  I hear from couples all the time that in the lead up to their marriage, they just “rolled with it”.  There seems to be a romantic notion that they will intuit each others every need, and that to plan and plot as to how to navigate all the experiences they will encounter would only cast doubt on their “magic” ability to get along and solve problems.

I love seeing the sense of possibilities that couples discover in therapy when they begin to construct and negotiate around the things that are most important to them.  It’s as if a whole new world of experiences becomes available and they encounter each other in new ways that they each never thought possible.  In sometimes strange ways, the simplicity of how couples can introduce caring and curious language into their daily communication with one another can supercharge progress and break down the residue that has been accumulating over the course of many years.

Logic is a revered thing.  When couples share their stories with me, each person has a construct of what they consider to be a logical way to approach their hurt or to resolve their conflict.  It is always very liberating for the couples to begin to understand that very little of their troubles had anything to do with “logic”, and that attempting to apply logic to their problem solving will only result in spinning their wheels.

There are powerful resources in the unconscious.  When I collaborate with couples in tapping into this, they discover, almost out of nowhere, that they could experience the type of love that they had dreamed of.  If you have been struggling with connection, meaning, and love with your partner, I am available for consultation and guidance on how we can begin to access these resources and strengthen your way going forward.

Keith Williams, LMFT is a lifelong Louisvillian. He received his master’s degree from Louisville Seminary and was classmates with fellow Mindfulness Center therapists Megan Bayles Bartley and Elizabeth McCormack over twenty years ago.

He loves absurd humor, pulling weeds in his garden, and travel.

Keith’s clients would describe him as creative, resolute, and playful. 

Keith offers FREE 10-minute consultations to see if working together is a good fit. You can schedule your free consult online HERE!

Or, if you’re ready to schedule your first appointment with Keith, you can do so online HERE!