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optimism

Technology & Mindfulness

03 March 2023/in Blog, Mindfulness, Self Love, Stress/by Megan Bartley

by Britt Riddle

I noticed recently that my smartwatch was giving me the “high heart rate” alarm more often than usual, which got me curious about how, if my watch can give me clues about when my nervous system may be heading toward dysregulation, I might also use it to help me move toward increased balance and emotional regulation.

If you wear a smartwatch, you’re likely familiar with the haptic sensation—that silent, slight vibration that provides tactile feedback—it’s just noticeable enough to notify us of a text, email, or movement goal, but undetectable to those around us. I downloaded a metronome app (mine is called Pulse, I’m sure there are many others) and set the metronome beat slower and slower. With each beat, I felt the haptic vibration on my wrist, and within a couple of minutes, I noticed my heart rate was decreasing—my heart rate and inhales/exhales were falling into sync with the rhythm of the vibration of the metronome.

This is a process called entrainment: when our body syncs with an external rhythm. This happens naturally when we dance to the beat of music we’re listening to or tap our fingers or feet to the rhythm of a sound we hear in our environment. When our nervous systems are heightened and we are in a state of fight, flight, or freeze, entrainment can help us start to shift from feeling tense, restless, and on edge to a state of relaxation. Our breathing and heart rate slow down, our muscles begin to relax, and we can bring ourselves back to the present moment where we can then choose to respond rather than react.

I usually set the metronome app on my watch to about 60 beats per minute for 3-5 minutes, and the more often I use it, the more easily my heart rate and breathing begin to sync with its rhythms. I also discovered an app called Sense Relief that provides haptic vibrations for three minutes straight, which I find helpful for bringing me mindfully back to the present when I am feeling stress rise in my mind and body. These gentle vibrations act as a cue, reminding me to take a deep breath and/or do a quick body scan to check in with how I am feeling and what I need.

As a therapist (and human), I love making technology work for/with me and my clients. The great thing aboutBritt, Riddle, Religious, Spiritual, Development, Injury using haptic vibration is that it can be used anywhere—in meetings at work, in between classes at school, out and about, or at home—to increase feelings of calm and peace.

If you are interested in exploring more about mindfulness, stress, and emotional regulation, I would be glad to talk with you to see how we might work together. You can contact me or schedule a free 10-minute consultation or first appointment with me here.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Britt Riddle, DMin, MDiv, MAMFT has over fifteen years of experience working in various helping professions and navigating and recovering from compassion fatigue and burnout. She specializes in working with people in helping professions who want to prevent or reduce compassion fatigue—by clarifying their values, nurturing inner peace, cultivating mindfulness practices and perspectives, and rediscovering what brings joy in their lives.

 

 

https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/michael-dziedzic-nbW-kaz2BlE-unsplash-scaled.jpg 1600 2560 Megan Bartley https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/logo-small.png Megan Bartley2023-03-29 15:40:582023-03-29 15:44:32Technology & Mindfulness

Making Friends With Money

03 March 2023/in Blog, Books, Podcast, Self Love, Stress/by Megan Bartley

Shifting Our Sh!t Podcast Episode #20: Megan Bayles Bartley tells co-host Rob Giltner all about her annual January retreat in Napa Valley. The weather in the area was unpredictable, with pouring rain and occasional sunshine. Megan discussed a new book she has written which contains exercises to help reset and reframe. She also discussed her new theme for the year, which she had come up with even before the retreat.

Here are some takeaways from Episode #20:

Set goals and achieve them.

Setting goals and achieving them is an important part of life and can help us to reach our fullest potential. Having clear objectives and working towards them can provide us with a sense of accomplishment and purpose. On the SOS podcast, we will explore the importance of setting goals and how to go about achieving them.

Setting goals can help to provide us with focus and direction. It can help us to break down our long-term goals into smaller, achievable steps. We can also set short-term goals to help us stay motivated and on track. It is important to remember that goals should be realistic, measurable, and achievable.

Once we have set our objectives, we can create a plan of action. This plan should include a timeline for completing each goal, as well as a list of resources and support that we may need to achieve them. It is also important to set checkpoints along the way to help us measure our progress.

In addition to setting goals, it is important to stay motivated and focused. It can be easy to get distracted or discouraged, but it is important to remember why we set the goals in the first place and to stay focused on our end goal. We can also use positive affirmations and self-talk to help us stay motivated.

Megan recently returned from a retreat that she attended to help her set goals and achieve them. She and her fellow participants developed a theme for the year based on what they visualized for themselves at the end of the year. They also made bracelets with their theme word to remind them of their goals.

Setting goals and achieving them can help us to reach our fullest potential. It is important to set realistic, measurable, and achievable goals and to create a plan of action with a timeline for completing each goal. We should also stay motivated and focused on our end goal and use positive affirmations and self-talk to help us stay on track. By following these steps, we can set goals and achieve them.

Greed makes me uncomfortable.

However, when it comes to money and greed, I find it difficult to stay motivated and focused. Greed makes me uncomfortable and I feel like it is a distraction from my real goals. Greed can lead to an unhealthy obsession with money and material possessions. It can also lead to a feeling of entitlement, which can be damaging to our relationships and our overall well-being.

When I think of the amount of money that some of the wealthiest people in the world have, I think of all the good I could do with that money. I think of how I could help those in need and improve the lives of so many people. It’s not that I want to be greedy, but I do want to use my resources to make the world a better place.

I have come to realize that money can be a powerful tool for good. It can be used to fund research, support education, and provide access to basic necessities for those in need. Money can also be used to provide resources for people to pursue their dreams and create a better life for themselves.

In order to use money for good, I have to change my mindset and focus on the positive impact that money can have. I need to be mindful of my spending and focus on investing in what will bring me the most joy and fulfillment. I need to be aware of my own entitlement and recognize that money can be a powerful tool for good.

Greed can make us feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. We can use money to create positive change in the world. We just need to change our mindset and focus on the positive impact that money can have. With the right mindset, we can use money for good and create a better world for everyone.

Make money without guilt.

Money can be a powerful tool for making positive changes in the world. We can use it to fund projects for the benefit of others, to start businesses that create jobs and economic opportunities, and to invest in education and healthcare. We can also use money to support charities and organizations that are doing good in the world. Money can be used to help those in need and to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

At the same time, we need to be careful not to fall into the trap of feeling guilty when we make money. Money is a tool and it can be used for good or bad, but it doesn’t have to be seen as a negative thing. We can use money to create positive change and to make a difference in the world.

It is important to remember that money is not the only way to make a difference. We can also use our time, knowledge, and skills to help others. We can volunteer our time to help those in need, or use our skills to create something that will benefit others. We can also use our knowledge to educate and empower others.

Making money without guilt is possible if we remember to focus on the positive impact that money can have. We can use money to create positive changes in the world, and we can also use our time, knowledge, and skills to make a difference. With the right mindset, we can make money without guilt and use it to make the world a better place.

Work on your fears.

Money can be a source of fear for many people. Whether it’s the fear of not having enough money, or the fear of having too much, money can be a source of anxiety. We can be afraid to talk about money, because it can be a sensitive subject. We may feel embarrassed to talk about our financial situation, or we may feel ashamed of our money habits. We may also be afraid to take risks with our money, because we don’t want to make a mistake that could cost us in the long run.

It’s important to remember that money is just a tool, and it’s up to us how we use it. We can use money to help others, to invest in our future, or to create a comfortable lifestyle for ourselves. We can also use money to work on our fears. When we work on our fears, we can become more confident with our money decisions and more comfortable with our financial situation.

Working on our fears can help us to make more informed decisions about our money. We can learn to be more mindful about our spending, and we can become more aware of our financial goals. We can also become more aware of our money habits and how they affect our financial situation. When we understand our money habits, we can make more informed decisions and take better control of our financial future.

Working on our fears can also help us to become more confident in our money decisions. We can learn to trust our intuition and be more comfortable with taking risks. We can also become more confident in making money decisions that are in our best interest. Working on our fears can help us to become more confident in our money decisions and more comfortable with our financial situation.

Working on our fears can help us to make better money decisions, become more confident with our money decisions, and become more comfortable with our financial situation. We can use money to create positive changes in the world, and we can also use our time, knowledge, and skills to make a difference. With the right mindset, we can make money without guilt and use it to make the world a better place.

Work on yourself for growth.

Working on ourselves for growth can help us to form healthier relationships and build better connections with those around us. We can learn how to communicate better, how to listen and be more understanding, and how to support each other through difficult times. By developing our interpersonal skills, we can create a more harmonious atmosphere in our lives and in the lives of those around us.

Working on ourselves can also help us to manage our anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. We can learn how to better manage our emotions and how to cope with the stresses of life. We can also learn how to better regulate our thoughts and feelings, which can help to reduce our stress levels and improve our mental health.

The concept of past lives can be an interesting one to explore. Although we may not have all the answers, there is something to be said for exploring the possibilities. We can take a class on past life exploration and learn more about the concept. We can also take the time to reflect on our own lives and the experiences that have shaped us.

The journey of self-growth is an ongoing one, and it can be a rewarding experience. We can learn how to better manage our money, relationships, and mental health. We can explore the concept of past lives and reflect on our own experiences. Taking the time to work on ourselves for growth can help us to create positive changes in our lives and in the world.

https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/Depositphotos_91482530_original.jpg 1014 2500 Megan Bartley https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/logo-small.png Megan Bartley2023-03-21 17:21:502023-03-29 15:44:15Making Friends With Money
Compassion Fatigue, Anxiety, Caregiver, fatigue

Who Helps the Helpers?

02 February 2023/in Blog, Boundaries, Mindfulness, Self Love, Stress/by Megan Bartley

Is caring for others part of your job? Maybe you are a healthcare worker, faith leader, teacher, or non-profit leader who cares deeply about the people you serve, but sometimes you feel exhausted, frustrated, anxious, or irritable. If so, you may be experiencing compassion fatigue.

My name is Britt Riddle, and I have over fifteen years of experience working in a variety of helping professions and navigating and recovering from compassion fatigue and burnout. Compassion fatigue is a common response to the complex and overwhelming situations we may find ourselves in when working with people who have experienced trauma or other significant stressors in their lives. Now, as a therapist at The Mindfulness Center, I specialize in working with people in helping professions who want to prevent or reduce compassion fatigue—by clarifying their values, nurturing inner peace, cultivating mindfulness practices and perspectives, and rediscovering what brings joy in their lives.

Compassion fatigue refers to the emotional, physical, and spiritual exhaustion that comes from being consistently exposed to stressors in other peoples’ lives.

 Signs you may be experiencing compassion fatigue may include:

  • Emotional Exhaustion: Feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and emotionally drained from caring for others;
  • Physical Exhaustion: Experiencing physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and difficulty sleeping;
  • Spiritual Exhaustion: Feeling disconnected from your values, beliefs, and sense of purpose;
  • Depersonalization: Feeling detached and removed from the people you are trying to help, and experiencing a decrease in empathy and compassion
  • Challenges with Emotional Regulation: Feelings such as anger, frustration, sadness, and hopelessness may feel more intense and may make it more difficult to feel grounded;
  • Decreased Sense of Self-Worth: Feeling that your work is unimportant and not making a difference.

 The good news is that researchers have identified specific risk factors and protective factors for compassion fatigue and burnout. This means we can work on shifting our perspectives, learning new skills, and making small changes to our environment to reduce compassion fatigue. When protective factors for compassion fatigue are cultivated, compassion resilience can emerge—the ability to maintain our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being while compassionately caring for others.

People and workplaces that foster resilience on a regular basis create an environment where employees feel less stress, experience fewer feelings of imposter syndrome, are more socially connected, and find greater meaning in their work. This leads to greater work satisfaction, increased productivity, and less burnout/turnover.

 In addition to providing therapy, we often get requests from organizations about how we can support their work and their employees. We care best for others when we ourselves feel supported, which is why we would be glad to partner with you to customize trainings, workshops, and support/education groups to support your employees and organization as you do the important work of caring for others.

Britt, Riddle, Religious, Spiritual, Development, Injury If you are interested in exploring compassion fatigue and compassion resilience, either for yourself or your organization, I would be glad to talk with you more about this to see how we might work together. You can contact me or schedule a free 10-minute consultation or first appointment with me here: https://mindfulness-center.com/our-team/britt-riddle-dmin-mamft/. I look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/anxiety.jpg 400 600 Megan Bartley https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/logo-small.png Megan Bartley2023-02-24 20:30:042023-02-24 20:35:10Who Helps the Helpers?

Ready for a RESET?!

07 July 2022/in Blog, Mindfulness, Self Love/by Megan Bartley

Ready for a reset?!

Yeah, me too!! It’s definitely that time of year!

With that said, I LOVE summertime! Every year I think that I’ll take the summer “off” and not work so much. That lasts about one week and then things start moving and shaking. All the balls I juggle don’t just disappear, they’re still there and need my attention. So I’m currently back to juggling all my balls while balancing the kiddos out of school and trying to get in a bit of time away…one weekend to Nashville, another to Lake Cumberland.

I will say, now that my kids are older (9 and 12) I’m not (YET!) as desperate to get them back in school ASAP as I was when they were younger. They are pretty self-sufficient and my husband, who works remotely from home, loves having the company…so do the pups – Lemon Drop and Deuce Pugalo!

Now, let’s dream of the reset we need… time, space, quiet, relaxation, nature, beauty, creativity…what would you add?

In January I will be heading back to Napa Valley for my annual retreat time and would love to take a few people along who are looking to reset and refresh as well. Could that be you?

This year I will host a women’s retreat (January 9-13) as well as a co-ed, weekend (January 12-16) retreat.

Early Bird Registration will be open for two weeks beginning mid-August. General Registration opens September 1st.

Check out the details below. Early bird registration will be availabe mid-August through end of August. Full registration opens September 1, 2022.

CLICK HERE for more DETAILS and to sign up for UPDATES!!!

https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/IMG_6150-scaled.jpg 1707 2560 Megan Bartley https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/logo-small.png Megan Bartley2022-07-28 20:50:132022-08-02 11:10:44Ready for a RESET?!

A Gift For You!

07 July 2022/in Blog, Mindfulness, Online Courses, Relationships, Self Love, Stress/by Megan Bartley

A Gift For You! 

We had a wonderful time during our Open House as Louisville Mindfulness Center celebrated its 5th anniversary!  We enjoyed catching up with friends and family from near and far with a few fun blasts from the past to boot! 

Again, we want to thank all of our supporters, whether you were able to make the event or not!! We are definitely feeling the love!

AND…. we want to spread that love even more! We are extending our half-price offer on our online courses through the month of July in honor of our anniversary! 

The two key online courses we currently have are “The Art of Saying No” and “Dealing With Difficult People”.

Whether you’re new to setting mindful boundaries, needing a quick yet comprehensive refresher on your boundary-setting skills, or you’re wanting to take your self-care practice to the next level, these wonderful, bite-sized videos are written and presented by Megan Bayles Bartley herself! For those of you who have spent time with Megan, you know she’s bursting with inspiration and empowerment to help you live your best life! You don’t want to miss out!

Plus, these courses are cheaper than ONE therapy session! Who can say “No” to that?! 

Check them out here: https://mindfulness-center.com/awaken-autopilot/

https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/LMC-MBB-Arms-folded-scaled.jpg 1344 2560 Megan Bartley https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/logo-small.png Megan Bartley2022-07-13 17:09:522022-07-13 17:11:42A Gift For You!

Setting Boundaries = Regain Your Time and Energy

06 June 2022/in Ending a Relationship Well, Relationships, Self Love, Strengthening Your Relationship, Stress, Therapy/by Megan Bartley

Many of us put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be our best, most helpful, kind, and caring selves. People like us. They want to spend time with us. What a wonderful feeling! Yet sometimes we may just want and NEED time to ourselves.

When we let our boundaries slide or we feel guilty for saying no, we start to feel burnt out, exhausted, or even apathetic. Question: Are you ready to feel less stressed and anxious? Have you tried things in the past that have worked but need a refresher? Or does it feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work?

Our new self-paced, online courses are a wonderful way to learn and set boundaries that WORK! After twenty-plus years of refining our techniques, we are making our methods more accessible to more people so anybody can live their most optimal life.

Let’s face it, none of us need more to DO. So what if we could THINK a bit differently and that could make all the difference? Our courses help you see new perspectives and shift your thinking just enough that you are able to begin to rewire your brain. Sign. Me. Up!

Here are some questions to ask yourself if it’s time to refresh your skills and abilities on setting excellent boundaries and “The Art of Saying No”:

  • Are you needing to refocus your time and attention less on others and more on yourself?
  • Do you get pulled into helping others when you wish you could say “No”?
  • Do you feel guilty when others need help and you can’t or don’t want to help?
  • Are others encouraging you to set boundaries and reduce the amount you offer your time to others?
  • Are you ready to reclaim your time, your energy, and perhaps even your identity?
  • Are you ready to FEEL MORE ALIVE and excited about life?

If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, we have a tried and true solution for you.

Ultimately, we want you to feel lighter, freer, and more empowered.  Let us show you how!

CLICK HERE to find out more about our affordable self-paced online course options. 

 

https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/MBB_Retreat_Relaxed.jpg 2208 2208 Megan Bartley https://mindfulness-center.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/logo-small.png Megan Bartley2022-06-01 21:43:222022-06-01 21:48:40Setting Boundaries = Regain Your Time and Energy
seek happiness

Old Ideas About How to Seek Happiness

03 March 2022/in Mindfulness, Self Love, Stress/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

“If there are things that are causing you to suffer, you have to know how to let go of them.”

~Thich Nhat Hanh

As many of you know, I love the theme of letting go. Sometimes we hold on a little too tightly to expectations we have for ourselves or thoughts of what we “think” we need to be happy, fulfilled and successful. Old habits die hard and it can be difficult to let go of an idea that you have about yourself or your life that no longer rings true.

For example, I was doing a values assessment recently and the things I thought would come up, like creativity and curiosity, these really core ideals I connect my sense of identity to, didn’t. What surfaced were things I already have in my life, that not everybody has. Things like freedom, safety, and security.

And it reminded me that, while as a culture we are always striving for more, perhaps during this time of uncertainty, we should seek happiness from what we already have. To make time to be grateful for what is right in front of us in this moment. Things that many of us take for granted everyday, like freedom, safety and security can bring us so much peace if we allow them to.

So often we wait for happiness.

We tell ourselves that we’ll be happy when “x” happens. We’ll relax when we reach a certain goal, or breathe a sigh of relief as we accomplish a milestone in life, but the truth is, we have everything we need to be happy and at peace right here in this moment, if only for a moment.

So, repeat after me:

“I have everything I need.” 

In times of doubt, stress, you name it, this is a mantra that has brought me calmness, reassurance and gratitude.

I hope it does the same for you.

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worthy, let go, letting go, release

We Are Worthy Of Surrender

02 February 2022/in Relationships, Self Love/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

“Let every Exhale
Remind you
You are worthy
Of Surrender.”
–Morgan Harper Nichols

What a wonderfully deep and great reminder for letting go! On our Exhale we are letting go of our breath, surrendering and trusting that there will be an inhale to fill up our lungs with the next breath.

The word worthy caught my attention. Perhaps it caught yours too. The idea that we are worthy of surrender speaks to me as “you deserve to let shit go” and even have permission to let shit go.

I’ve been re-reading “Awakening the Buddah Within” by Lama Surya Das and have been reminded of the idea that we suffer (get anxious, angry, annoyed) due to our attachments, especially to ideals and expectations.

Dealing with Difficult People

I have noticed in my own life, when I allow people to be exactly who they are, letting go of who I think they “should” be, I’m not so irritated or frustrated by them. This allows me to be more at peace and less irritated or frustrated with that person because I’m not wasting my energy thinking the person might change or that I could even get them to change.

For years, a practice of mine is to embrace that I only have control over myself. I have no control over anyone else. What I can choose is how I want to show up with others when I experience them as difficult. I choose not to allow myself to react to their current difficult nature even while my heart is racing and I want to scream. I choose not to hand over my power to that person or allow their behavior to control me.

Instead, I imagine as if they just threw me a rope in an effort to play tug-of-war with me. I get to decide if I pick up that rope and play their game or not. My goal is to notice the rope and think, “well, there’s that,” then redirect my attention and the conversation in a different direction.

This has not been easy for me. I have been at this particular practice for 12+ years and still struggle at times. Perhaps you may give it a go?

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progress

Choosing Progress Over Perfection

01 January 2022/in Blog, Self Love/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

As a high achiever, entrepreneur, leader, and CEO, I know how hard I tend to push myself and how critical I can be of myself. Through my own therapy, self-care, mindfulness, and meditation, I’ve been successful at increasing positive self-talk and decreasing doubt, guilt, and criticism.

My Mantra?

Strive for Progress NOT Perfection!

Think about it…we will never reach perfection (especially in our own minds since we’re so hard on ourselves).

It’s just not possible. So why are we wasting our time and energy trying?

We are always in Progress…we are progressing through life.

Even if we hit 60 or 75 or 80% of what we *think* is “perfect” it is likely not “good enough.”

Want to feel *good enough*?

Let go of the idea of being perfect.

Let’s be honest (with ourselves AND others) instead. Besides, who’s judging us anyway? We are likely much harder on ourselves than anyone else is or would be!! This vicious cycle is exhausting!

Want more energy? Want to feel good enough? Give yourself permission to know there is no such thing as perfect. Give yourself permission to be kind and graceful with yourself. And then feel the weight lifted from your shoulders so you feel lighter and more energetic!

Remember, we are works in progress…

If you are noticing yourself reassessing your work, your relationships, or even your location, good for you! It means you are being mindful of what all your options are. While you may not truly entertain most of those options, the more choices you give yourself, the less stuck you’ll feel.

And if you are stuck, no problem!

Pushing and forcing works for us at many stages of our life, but there comes a point when we begin to reassess if we need to keep doing things the same way we’ve done them.

Perhaps it’s time to shake shit up a bit?

That’s what we’re here for!! Working with a therapist can offer you more clarity and focus for your path forward. And you’ll feel calmer, lighter, and more peaceful.

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Self-Sabotage

Self-Sabotage: The Ways in Which we Hurt Ourselves, and What to do About it

01 January 2022/in Mindfulness, Self Love/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Ashley Vaden, LMFT

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re familiar with the benefits of mindfulness and prioritizing self-care in day-to-day life. For the most part, we understand how mindfulness can bring awareness to harmful and intrusive thoughts and patterns, help us become less reactive, and is an adaptive, accessible way to deal with stress. We hear over and over again to “love ourselves” and put ourselves first, but as soon as we feel triggered or overwhelmed, our self-care practices are the first to go, if we even implement them at all.

What is getting in the way of our self-care?

What is contributing to our self-neglect, and how can we “fix” it? One obstacle to prioritizing our self-care may be self-sabotage. Now I know this phrase may sound quite dramatic, and your initial thought might be, “I’m not sabotaging myself!” But in fact, all of us can exhibit self-sabotaging behaviors to protect ourselves. That’s right; sometimes we self-sabotage to offer ourselves protection from painful feelings or realities. This becomes problematic when we aren’t aware of how we’re doing this or that we’re doing this, and we over-protect ourselves.

For example, if one has a deep fear of intimacy or commitment, one may continue to pick fights with a partner or even choose partners that are not compatible. Or I may have a project that I need to work on that typically gets put on the backburner as I prioritize running errands or hanging out with friends because I’m afraid to fail or put myself out there. An even more subtle way we can self-sabotage is by experiencing a lot of anxiety or cyclical thoughts to avoid dropping into the physical sensation of grief, which can be a very intense emotion.

What do we do about our self-sabotage?

Let’s go back to the word “fix,” because I think this is an important point: We don’t need to fix ourselves or even work on ourselves. I know this may sound like it’s conflicting with my overall message or point of this article, but let’s go deeper. There isn’t anything about you that needs “work” or “fixing.” In fact, all of the behaviors, patterns and thoughts that you’ve experienced and exhibited are ways that you’ve learned to survive throughout your lifetime to get your underlying needs met. The bottom line is, even if you’re self-sabotaging, you’re doing the best you can!

We all have needs; to feel safe, to feel seen, to have others notice us, and take delight in who we are. However, because we are imperfect humans and thus our parents or caregivers are imperfect, throughout our lives we will experience times when our needs are not met, or we are faced with something that floods our system that we just can’t integrate or make sense of at the time. These things can become “stuck” in us, or become part of our programming.

Understanding is Key

Maybe our parents got divorced when we were little, so we feel fear around close relationships. Maybe we saw a family member pursue a creative dream, and we heard our parents discuss how that person “will never make any money as a ____,” so we push down our own creative aspirations. Whatever the cause, once we bring awareness to our self-sabotage, that’s really all we need to do! Because that awareness and understanding are key. We learn what the underlying need is, and then we can determine how to meet that need in an adaptive way, instead of setting ourselves up for failure. We may also see that we don’t need protection from our worries at all!

How to Increase our Awareness of Self-Sabotaging Behaviors:

Here are 3 simple strategies to increase awareness of self-sabotaging behaviors so that we are in greater alignment with our worth and value:

Identify Core Beliefs

Let me ask you this. If I told you by next year, you would have a dream come true, such as a loving relationship, or double the amount of money in your savings account, what negative thoughts or obstacles come up for you? “Oh that would never happen, I’m too needy” or “I’m terrible with money; I’ll never have a cushion to fall back on.” Write them all down. Now, instead of spending time obsessing over what is getting in the way of you reaching this dream, use these thoughts as guides for what you want to work on and what needs you have.

For example, feeling insecure and desperate in relationships may be an indicator that I need to work on building self-trust and keeping small promises that I make to myself. Poor money habits can lead me to make a plan and keep boundaries around my spending. This awareness is key because once we understand our negative core beliefs and thoughts, we can be awakened to how we are holding ourselves back. When we see that these beliefs are optional, we can then be intentional about our worth.

Develop a Journaling Practice

Type or write from your stream of thoughts without editing, trying to write “well,” or judging your thoughts. This is how you meet yourself! You’ll notice themes that continue to re-emerge, identify triggers much more readily, and even solve your own struggles by being introduced to them more and more over time. When you feel triggered, ask yourself “Does this feeling remind me of an earlier time in my life?” By looking back, we may recall painful memories or experiences where this feeling originates and our needs were not met, or we were not authentic to ourselves. Then, direct your attention to what you need to stay in your worth in the present moment.

Remember that “self-sabotage,” while it may sound scary, is really just a way we’ve protected ourselves when something is no longer working. Sometimes, we get tired of our own stuff or tired of feeling the way that we do. It’s important to remember in those moments that we’re doing the best we can, and we aren’t “wrong” for feeling how we feel. But in order to implement self-care practices that we know will be helpful for us long term, we have to identify ways in which we are holding ourselves back, and how to meet those needs and feel security while attempting to branch out and put ourselves first.

I hope you’ve found this helpful. If you’d like to go deeper, next time I will be writing about what to do to implement changes in your life and work toward your goals/leave self-sabotage in the dust!

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