Self Love Archives - Page 5 of 7 - The Mindfulness Center

How to Physically Ground Yourself In the Present Moment

12 December 2021/in Holidays, Mindfulness, Self Love, Stress/by The Mindfulness Center

Anyone else DONE?! Over it? Fried? Frazzled?! We sure are! The holidays have come and are almost gone, leaving many of us reeling from too much “stuff,” too many “people,” and too many “things” to do. This is especially true if you are a Highly Sensitive Person or an Empath…

How can we best take care of ourselves when we’re in this space?

Perhaps getting grounded and centered in the present moment!

Here are a few physical activities we can do to direct our mind back to the here and now:

1. Savor a food or drink

While most of us rush through our meals to get back to a task or event, try to savor your next bite to eat. You can do this by taking small bites or sips. Pretend you are trying your food or beverage for the first time, letting yourself fully taste every flavor. Think about the temperature, texture, smell, and presentation of your food as well.

2. Take a short walk

What do you see? Focus on the texture, movement, and color of each item. Challenge yourself to think of specific colors, such as crimson, burgundy, indigo, or turquoise, instead of simply red or blue. How fast is that squirrel darting from the tree? Can you see your reflection in the puddle of water on the sidewalk? Are the trees bare or still full of leaves, do they move with the wind or simply stay still?

3. Hold a Piece of Ice

What does it feel like at first? How long does it take to start melting? How does the sensation change when the ice begins to melt?

4. Savor a Scent?

What are some of your favorite smells? Maybe you enjoy the wafts of a baked good rising in the oven, coffee brewing, onion or garlic cooking on the stove, laundry fresh from the dryer, or a candle. Whatever it is, inhale the fragrance slowly and deeply. What are its qualities?

5. Listen to your surroundings

Take a few moments to listen to the noises around you. Do you hear birds? Dogs barking? The hum of your computer, or the dryer running? If you hear people talking, what are they saying? Put on some music. Let the sounds wash over you and remind you where you are.

6. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method

You can rely on your 5 senses to bring you back to reality anytime you are starting to “spin out.” Counting backward from 5, use your senses to list the things you notice around you. 5 things you hear, four things you see, three things you can touch nearby, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

Make an effort to notice the little things you might not always pay attention to, and remember which of them brings you joy. Then you can incorporate these little rituals into your day to help keep you centered.

Choose Happiness

12 December 2021/in Self Love, Stress/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

It’s not always easy or even possible to “choose happiness.”

With that said, when you surround yourself with people, environments, activities, and animals that you love it helps “lighten” your mood and “lift your spirits” so happiness doesn’t feel so far away.

Lately, I’m finding that that bringing Lemon Drop into the office seems to be just what people need to brighten their days. For me, his presence helps me get out of my own head and remember the carefree life of a dog.

After all, if you pay close attention, your dog will share with you the most important things in life: a good meal, playfulness, rest, curiosity, companionship, and the wonders of the great outdoors. When all else fails, taking the time to slow down and enjoy these daily rituals with them can help pave the way to happiness even in the darkest of times.

Remember, Dog spelled backward is God. Just sayin….

What are some ways you help yourself feel “lighter” emotionally?

How can you incorporate them more into your day?

Why Mindfulness?

12 December 2021/in Mindfulness, Self Love, Stress/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

Why Mindfulness? Why is it so important? This quote sums it up wonderfully:

Mindfulness is the Gateway to Peace.

So many of us feel chaotic and worried, pulled in many directions…feeling like a hamster on a hamster wheel, spinning and stuck, wasting away our energy without purpose or direction. I’ve been there. I know what that feels like. And then I was done with feeling that way. I wanted to feel grounded, centered, and at peace.

Peace felt weird at first. The first time I felt it I really didn’t know what it was.. it felt very odd, and different. Finally, it dawned on me and I said to myself, “So this is what it feels like to feel content.” I was used to mood swings… highs and lows. I was always irritable, frustrated with myself or others and I felt constantly overwhelmed. My body went into “fight, flight, or freeze” mode daily.

Now, my body and mind are used to feeling grounded, centered, and at peace.

I practice practical mindfulness constantly throughout the day by noticing my 5 senses when doing tasks. This means I allow myself to become aware of what I’m doing, thinking, and feeling and check in with myself to see if there is a better option for me at that moment.

I stopped asking, “Why?”

I realized the “Why” is a bottomless pit. We don’t really need to know “why.” “Why” focuses on the past. I’m not going in that direction. I’m moving forward. Instead, I ask, “How?” “What?” Or “Where?”

As in: How do I want to feel differently? How can I get there? What do I need at this moment to best take care of myself? What do I want out of life and what is meaningful to me? Where do I want my life to go?

I also have a flexible morning and evening mindfulness meditation routine. Every day I focus on what I’m grateful for. I also visualize where I’m headed, what I am intending for my day, my year, my life. And I spend time wondering and listening. I’m not formal or rigid with my practice. Rigidity hurts me more than it helps. Instead, I am gentle, kind, and forgiving with myself and subsequently others. I am at peace. And that feels wonderful!

subconscious, new year, resolution, resolutions, boundaries, success

What Story Are You Feeding Your Subconscious?

11 November 2021/in Self Love/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

Did you know your subconscious believes whatever you tell it?

When we have a story that we tell ourselves that limits us or our abilities our subconscious believes that.

When we have a story that is hopeful and empowering, our subconscious believes that.

Often we take from the past, which has already been experienced and written, to write our story of the future. And, of course, we feel like imposters! We are making this all up as we go. None of us have ever lived this day, this way before.

What if instead, we IMAGINE the story we want, that hasn’t been lived or written yet. When we DREAM about it, over and over and over again, as if we have already lived it THEN our subconscious believes that!

Don’t like your current story? Start writing and imagining a new one. Skip the chapter you’re on and see what’s in the chapters ahead. Or better yet, perhaps put this book down and try out another book. See if you like that story better.

What story are you feeding your subconscious? Remember: What we feed, grows.

Trusting Your Instincts

10 October 2021/in Relationships, Self Love, Stress/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

“Be willing to trust your instincts, especially if you cannot find answers elsewhere.”~Brian Koslow

This means listening to your gut and your heart. You are the expert on yourself. No one knows you or your situation better than you. So trust yourself.

Many of us have a hard time trusting ourselves. This is to be expected when we are surrounded by others placing their expectations for us on us. Our loved ones love us AND they manage(d) their anxieties of being a parent by “parenting” us in ways that sometimes didn’t feel great for us when we were young (and perhaps even today as adults!).

Were they wrong or bad for doing this? Not necessarily. They likely didn’t know better and saw others doing the same.

What we can do now is offer ourselves new options.

Pretend we’re re-parenting ourselves. We all still have the little 7 year old in us who is still needing something they haven’t gotten. Ask them what it is they are needing. I’m sure they’d be happy to tell you. And likely you already have a good idea.

Then allow your adult self to help get your 7-year-old self’s needs met. You likely do this easily and willingly for others. Now do it for yourself. You deserve it, even if you’ve felt perhaps you didn’t.

Perhaps you also allow this to have an impact on your own parenting?

Notice when you’re managing your anxiety by expecting certain things of your children rather than just allowing them to show up exactly as they are. Don’t get me wrong, there is a fine balance between guiding/teaching/parenting children and allowing them to be themselves. However, perhaps this is a reminder that we all just want to be loved and accepted for exactly who we are.

We all deserve that.

Hello My Name is Megan, and I am a Recovering Serious Person

09 September 2021/in Self Love, Stress/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

I love to laugh. Being a recovering serious person, that wasn’t always the case.

I think I really started to lighten up when I was in grad school to become a therapist in my mid-twenties. By then I had moved from Seattle to Tucson and was now in Louisville, KY. My adventurous spirit transformed my anxiety into excitement. My cohort helped as we collectively had to find some levity in the midst of darkness and heaviness.

Then I met my husband, who has had such titles as “University Mascot” and “Professional Mascot” and “Improv Comedian.” While he brought levity to my life, I also found myself digging into my old ways of seriousness in an attempt for him not to have too much of an influence over me so I wouldn’t subsequently “lose myself” in the relationship.

Then I became a parent and was in a tension between not wanting to be a rigid, overthinking, anxious person and wanting to do things the “right way.” (As if that is possible.)

Ultimately I realized flexibility was the key. Of course, I opt for a “flexible structure” so that I have a bit of a plan, but am not rigid about it. The more flexible I am with myself and others, the better I feel. And the better others feel around me.

And this flexibility does not mean getting walked all over. I love me some boundaries! I am very clear about what works for me and what doesn’t and I readily speak up for myself.

This brings me back to laughter. I’m realizing laughter is a wonderful medicine. We feel lighter when we laugh. And perhaps it’s that lightness that helps us become more enlightened.

How To Forgive

08 August 2021/in Anger, Relationships, Self Love, Stress, Therapy, Trauma/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

“How do I forgive? How can I let go? When will this feeling go away? How do I get over this?”

These are phrases I hear daily. These are phrases I’ve asked my own therapist.

The best advice I was given is to find compassion for the person or the behavior as well as for myself. I had no idea what this looked like. I wasn’t even really open to the idea at first. It seemed that if I was compassionate, I would be excusing the person and the behavior. It took me years, if not decades, to allow that compassion to slowly become more present in my life and feel it make a home in my heart. It was DEFINITELY not an easy process.

The more compassion grew inside of me, I finally understood why it is so important. I thought of all the years I spent (perhaps wasted) in anger, fear, and anxiety that hurt me much more than it hurt anyone else.

Be open to compassion. If not for someone else, at least for yourself.

When you are compassionate with yourself, you model for others how to treat you. When you are compassionate with others, you invite them to be compassionate with you.

You deserve it. You are worth it.

Trust Yourself

08 August 2021/in Self Love/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

“When you look around, feel insecure, and wonder who you can trust, know that you can trust yourself.

We often stand like little children, holding out our hands, waiting for someone to lead us somewhere, anywhere. We hope that someone can show us what we need to do next…Trust and respond to your own heart. Trust the wisdom and guidance within you.” ~Melody Beattie, Journey to the Heart

Did you know that you don’t have to wait to see where/what the Universe/God/Source wants you to go or do?

Nope. You get to say, “Hey! Let’s do this! This really excites me and brings me joy!”

I know, I know, you may not know what it is that you want to do or what brings you joy. Or you’re scared and feeling unsure. We all are! Courage is doing something even though you are scared! We are all making this thing called life up as we go! All of us!

Be curious and prompt yourself often with, “Wouldn’t it be nice…” and see where that takes you. Perhaps you commit to using this prompt daily for a month or multiple times a day for a week!

Wouldn’t it be nice if we all trusted ourselves?

What Roses Can Teach Us About Ourselves

07 July 2021/in Self Love/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

Aaaahhhh roses…. Such a beautiful flower with such wonderful feelings and meaning associated with it.

And yet, with all their natural beauty, vibrant colors, velvety soft texture, and delicious smell, they also come with thorns on the stem should we grab hold of them. We sometimes forget how vicious those thorns can be if we’re not actually growing and cutting them ourselves.

And yet in their natural state, roses have thorns. That is just how they are. With the wonderful, we also have to accept the not-so-wonderful.

What would it be like if we could do this with ourselves?

To honor and celebrate what’s positive, while accepting our challenging areas and holding space for them just as they are? Not needing to be in a rush to change them or make them different.

When given a bouquet of roses, we don’t put them in a vase upside down so we can highlight the thorns. We focus on what is wonderful about the roses and make sure we can see the radiant blooms.

Rather than beating ourselves up for having thorns, let’s experiment with being excited about what’s wonderful about ourselves!

A Love Letter To Letting Go & Laughing More

07 July 2021/in Self Love/by The Mindfulness Center

Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

Time and time again, I have seen proven, that laughter truly is the best medicine.

I am a full-fledged recovering serious person. I am a firstborn, people-pleasing, recovering-perfectionist. In the past, I’ve known myself to be very anxious and not a stranger to panic attacks.

Today, thanks to years of therapy, a library full of self-help books, mindfulness, meditation, reiki, my dear friend Zoloft, and an easy-going husband with a wonderful sense of humor (who happens to have a professional comedian on his resume) I have slowly, and at times painfully, learned to “lighten up.”

One major reason why I decided to live lighter was that it was too damn exhausting to be so damn serious all the time. Many would have called me rigid. Things had to be a certain way…MY way. My anxiety caused me to be controlling and perfectionistic.

Does this ring a bell for anyone?

I began to recognize that what may have worked for me at one time (anxiety=control=protection), was causing more problems than it was helping. I didn’t need to protect myself as much as I once did and therefore I didn’t need to be as controlling or anxious. As a result, I slowly and cautiously started allowing myself to have fun.

But I had to learn how to have fun.

It was not something that came naturally to me. And I had to accept that my version of “fun” (read books for fun, have deep conversations, go to bed early, wake up early, contemplate the meaning of life…) was not always the same as others.

I began to get to know myself and what I needed at any given moment. I had a better understanding of my anxiety when it did come to visit, but it was no longer a constant companion.

Now I balance my high-achieving nature with a “good enough” mentality. I don’t need to give 110% to everything I do. I honor myself and what I need and want at any given moment. And I look for every appropriate opportunity to find humor and laugh.