Care for the Caregivers
Care for the Caregivers
by Britt Riddle
If you’re part of the Sandwich Generation, you’re probably all too familiar with the balancing act—you’re “sandwiched” between trying to raise and support your kids (maybe adult ones) while also caring for aging parents, managing a career and family responsibilities, and keeping your own life together. It’s a lot. While there may be moments of joy or gratitude, caregiving can leave you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and at times, resentful.
How can you take care of yourself while taking care of others? Let’s look at some strategies for managing burnout, reducing compassion fatigue, and dealing with resentment—without feeling guilty for needing a break.
The Stress of Being in the Sandwich Generation
- The Never-Ending To-Do List
Between making sure your kids have everything they need—whether you are driving carpool or helping adult children adjust to the realities of adulthood—and keeping your parents’ health on track (doctor visits, medications, grocery shopping), the to-do list can seem never-ending.
- Mixed Feelings
Even when you step into a caregiving role by choice because you want to be there for your family, it can still feel overwhelming. Seeing your parents age or dealing with their health issues is emotionally taxing. There may be guilt that comes with feeling like you’re not doing enough, or that you’re not spending enough quality time with your partner and friends. It’s okay to have mixed feelings—you can love your family and still feel exhausted by the responsibility.
- Resentment: The Unspoken Burden
Maybe you’re doing most of the caregiving while other family members are less involved (or live out of town), or maybe you feel like your own needs are constantly pushed aside. Feeling like you’re the one doing the bulk of the caregiving can build up frustration and resentment over time. And when that happens, it can start affecting how you feel about your caregiving role—and the people you’re caring for.
- Feeling Alone in the Responsibility
Caregiving can be isolating. If your siblings live far away or aren’t able to help as much, or if you’re handling things on your own, it can feel lonely. It’s hard to ask for help, especially when you you’re the one who has always there for everyone.
Coping with Caregiver Burnout, Compassion Fatigue, and Resentment
How can you manage all of this without burning out, feeling overwhelmed, or letting resentment take over? Here are some ways to take care of yourself while caring for your loved ones.
- Acknowledge That Caregiving Is Hard
Caregiving, especially when you’re balancing so many responsibilities, is hard. It’s easy to feel like you “should” always be positive about it because you’re doing it out of love, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be emotionally and physically draining. It’s okay to admit that it’s tough. You might feel guilty for not always being cheerful or for sometimes resenting the responsibility—but those feelings are normal. Acknowledge them and give yourself grace.
- Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
One of the hardest things about caregiving is the pressure to do it all yourself. Whether it’s family expectations or your own desire to handle it all, asking for help can feel like a last resort. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to do it alone. If you have siblings or other relatives, reach out to them. They might not know how overwhelmed you are unless you tell them. If you’re managing things on your own, consider hiring a professional caregiver for your parents or getting help with household tasks. Even small amounts of outside support can lighten the load and let you know you’re not alone.
- Set Boundaries (and Stick to Them)
It’s easy to feel like you need to be available 24/7 for both your kids and your parents, but setting limits to protects your own well-being—and is an act of self-compassion. Setting boundaries means being clear about what you can and can’t take on—whether that’s saying no to extra commitments or asking for help when you’re feeling stretched too thin. It’s okay to say no to things that aren’t essential.
- Make Time for Yourself
Self-care can feel impossible when you’re constantly giving to others, but it’s crucial. Even just a few minutes of “me time” can help you reset and recharge. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or enjoying a cup of coffee in a quiet moment, find something that allows you to feel more grounded and less overwhelmed.
- Talk Openly About How You’re Feeling
Resentment and overwhelm can be difficult emotions to name, but it’s important to talk about it. You don’t have to bottle up those feelings. Sit down with your partner or family members and explain how you’re feeling—whether it’s stress, exhaustion, or the need for more support. They might not realize how much you’re carrying, and having an open conversation can help ease some of that tension. It’s also a way to remind everyone that caregiving is a team effort, not just one person’s job.
Being part of the Sandwich Generation can feel like you’re constantly giving of your time and energy, but it’s important to remember that your needs matter, too. By setting boundaries, asking for help, and carving out time for yourself, you can reduce the risk of burnout and make sure that you’re able to continue caring for your loved ones without sacrificing your own health and well-being. You deserve to be supported, too.
One way I enjoy helping clients who are in caregiving roles is to work on identifying personal values. Clarifying values allows us to get clear about what is most important to us—the why of what we do and the choices we make. This helps us set boundaries and feel more confident in the things we “yes” and “no” to—all of which increases our sense of agency and reduces the likelihood of feeling resentment and burnout.
If you are struggling with caregiver stress or burnout or think you might be heading in that direction, you do not have to go it alone! Please reach out for a free consult call to see if we may be a good fit to work together: https://schedulewithlmc.as.me/BrittRiddle. I would love to help you explore ways to manage stress, clarify your boundaries, and cultivate your caregiver burnout toolbox.
Originally from Louisville, Britt moved back to pursue a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy at Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary. Prior to becoming a therapist, Britt received a Master of Divinity (M.Div.) degree and Doctor of Ministry (D.Min.) degree and served as a minister in congregations in Virginia and Kentucky. In her free time, she can be found doing all the introvert things: writing, creating, reading, and practicing meditation and yoga.
