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Thought for the Day
Information and energy and emotion flows in and out of us constantly. But sometimes we hold on to stuff we don’t need and/or we block getting the things we need.
Take a deep breath and close your eyes and ask yourself: What is it that I need to release? Notice what pops in your head.
On the flip side, there are also things we need to receive. Again, take a deep breath and ask yourself: What is it I need to receive? Notice what comes to you.
GLOW On…
What a wonderful evening with some lovely women. So glad to be a part of GLOW!
Here I am with Nicole and Kim from Louisville Salt Cave. Their opening in mid-September. Salt has some super-healing properties. Check them out at LouisvilleSaltCave.com.
Margaret and her husband Mike own Louisville Community Acupuncture. Like me, they moved to Louisville from Austin, Texas. And they are awesome. Acupuncture can do wonders for depression, anxiety, pain, balancing hormones, etc. If you haven’t been, give them a try! Find out more at: LouisvilleCommunityAcupuncture.com.
What We Feed, Grows
Or in other words, what we give our attention to, is what we see. If we are always focusing on the negative aspects of our relationships or lives, that is what we will see. If we start focusing on the positive aspects of our relationships and lives, that is what we will see.
When you start thinking about a topic in a new way you are forging new neural pathways. It’s difficult because your brain is not yet used to thinking about things in this new way. After a few weeks of repeatedly thinking this new way, the neural pathways get stronger and stronger. The former neural pathway becomes weaker and weaker.
I like to use the analogy of a hiking path. The way you have always thought about something (neurologically) is like a well kept hiking path, free of debris and well manicured. The new way of thinking about something is the hiking path that you need to forge yourself, getting scratched and dirty along the 
way. After weeks of hiking the new path you notice you’re not getting scratched as much and there is a visible path. When you look over at the other previously well manicured path you notice it’s starting to look shabby and overgrown.
Life is an adventure. Change doesn’t come without some discomfort. Stick with it! It will pay off in the long run.
The Lightness of Being
Imagine if, in the midst of our heaviest moments, we were able to feel the lightness of being.
This elephant isn’t over thinking the moment, worried if she’s going to be safe in the water or how she will get dry again. She just jumps right in and trusts all will be ok. And look how much fun she’s having. I bet that water feels so refreshing!
What if we were to experience life this way? Instead of worrying about the situation and thinking 10 steps ahead we trust that all will be ok. Hey, we may even enjoy ourselves!
Honorable Closure: Dealing With Grief and Loss
The themes of grief, loss, and mourning have been coming up a lot lately for me personally and in my practice. I’m remembering something from Linda A. Curtis that I want to share with you about Honorable Closure. She has a four step process for saying goodbye and moving on that can be applied to many different areas of our lives.
The first step has to do with Gratitude (a favorite of mine!): Tell the Old Story in a New Way.
The second step is about Willingness: Resolve any Regrets
Forgiveness is the third step: Let go and Let it be
Reclaiming Joy (experiencing joy is sooo important!!!) is the fourth step: Invent the Next Story
Allow these concepts to percolate and see what comes up. Be patient with yourself and what you are feeling. It won’t last forever but it is here right now so pay attention to what needs to be done.
Peace, Megan
Divorce Proofing Your Marriage: Fondness and Admiration
Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration for One Another – Something brought you together initially. Can you remember what it was? Be in that memory for a few moments. Doesn’t it feel good to remember that excitement and newness? Marriage has a lot of ups and downs but the more you can focus on the positives and weather the down times well, you’ll be in good shape.
Fondness and Admiration are antidotes for Contempt (remember those Four Horsemen?!). When you start to get sarcastic, cynical, roll your eyes, use hostile humor, or feel an aggressive (or passive-aggressive) anger you are using Contempt. Notice this and let it go. Don’t judge it or get angry at yourself for falling into it (again?!). Just move on and focus on the things you admire about your partner and your relationship together.
Focus on those things in your relationship that FEEL GOOD!
Divorce Proofing Your Marriage: Love Maps
We’ve talked a lot the last few weeks about what not to do in your marriage, now let’s turn the tables and look at what strengthens marriage. builds healthy relationships. Over the next ten weeks we’ll look at the research Drs. John and Julie Gottman have found that build healthy marriages. This week let’s focus on Love Maps.
Enhancing your Love Map – Do you know what makes your partner tick? Do you know your partner’s history? Have you shared yours? This requires some emotional availability on your part. This week, share your love map – your worries, dreams, hopes, joys – and ask him to share his.
Non-Verbal Communication as a Predictor of Divorce
The last few weeks we’ve focused on some predictors of divorce that Drs. John and Julie Gottman have diligently researched over the last 20 years. Whether separate, or together, the presence of The Four Horsemen, Harsh Startups, and Failed Repair Attempts can predict divorce 82 – 90+% of the time. I have a theory about why these are such predominant factors in predicting divorce.
70 % of what we communicate is Non-Verbal Communication. Seventy Percent. 70! Seventy percent of the time HOW we say something is more important that WHAT we say. The tone and volume of our voices, our facial expressions, rolling of the eyes, smirking of the lips, body postures, hand gestures… These all communicate way more than our words. In fact, we can remain silent and our body language can speak volumes alone.
I like to use babies as an example. Before they are even able to speak words they communicate to us all day long. They cry, they whine, they laugh, they grunt, they look away, they look in our eyes, they wiggle, they grab, they smile… and we understand (or learn to) what they are “saying.”
Oftentimes in our marriage, and other close relationships, we use non-verbal communication subconsciously to communicate things that might be too vulnerable to say out loud. An eye roll and arms crossed in front of our chest might communicate that we are hurt by something the other did or said and we are trying to protect ourselves from not getting hurt again.
So what if instead we maintain gentle eye contact, put our arms to our side and softly say, “I love you and I don’t like the way I talk to you. I feel hurt. I don’t know what to do with this hurt that I feel and it has been coming out in my eye rolling and arms folded across my body.” Whoa! That might get someone’s attention! Keep in mind that starting something new – a new behavior, a new way of communicating, etc. – can be difficult at first and takes some getting used to (for the sender and the receiver) but if you are consistent for at least a month, it will start to get easier.
So the next time you are in a conversation with your loved one, notice your non-verbal communication. Ask yourself, “What am I really trying to communicate? Is it working? How might I communicate it differently?”
