The Mindfulness Center, Mindfulness,

Louisville, Thank You!!!

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Hello there!! I’m Megan Bayles Bartley and I want to expand on something I posted on social media recently. I have realized over the years that my work and purpose in life are to help people feel better, feel free to live life to the fullest expression of themselves, and be at peace. 

I have been able to do this as a therapist over the past two decades, and now with other therapists for the past five years with Louisville Mindfulness Center. However, we kept hitting a roadblock. First of all, not everyone needs or wants therapy. Fair enough.  Also, as licensed therapists, we can only practice in the states in which we are licensed. That limits us in many ways. Secondly, we have fans and supporters all over the world who love Louisville Mindfulness Center and want us to offer what we are offering more globally. We love the idea of being more accessible to more people. What we offer is bigger than “therapy.” So we’re taking what we’re doing online with “The Mindfulness Center”.

Louisville, I have so much gratitude for you. You have been wonderfully supportive of me and the Louisville Mindfulness Center. You all have been so kind and generous. I appreciate you. You are an inspiration. Thank you!!

With that said, when I named the group practice I started in 2017, “Louisville Mindfulness Center,” I knew what I wanted to create would transcend Louisville, but I also knew that Louisville needed its own thing too. So Louisville Mindfulness Center will remain as it is AND benefit from the wonderful offerings of The Mindfulness Center along with the rest of the world!

During this time of launching “The Mindfulness Center”, we hope you will continue to support us by sharing what we are doing with your friends and family across the U.S. and globally. They can seek support and encouragement through “The Mindfulness Center” through short, straightforward, mind-blowing courses and one-on-one coaching to help them develop more of a Mindfulness Mindset™.

Our thinking, feeling, and behavior are interconnected. When we can shift one, we shift them all. Let’s face it, none of us need more to DO, but what if we could THINK about things from a bit of a different angle… that can shift the whole way you see the world. The Mindfulness Center helps you shift your perspective by just 5% which helps open up more options in your thinking and helps you feel less stuck. Want to learn more? Check out our website: www.Mindfulness-Center.com and stay tuned for more…

 

progress

Choosing Progress Over Perfection

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Written by Megan Bayles Bartley, MAMFT, LMFT

As a high achiever, entrepreneur, leader, and CEO, I know how hard I tend to push myself and how critical I can be of myself. Through my own therapy, self-care, mindfulness, and meditation, I’ve been successful at increasing positive self-talk and decreasing doubt, guilt, and criticism.

My Mantra?

Strive for Progress NOT Perfection!

Think about it…we will never reach perfection (especially in our own minds since we’re so hard on ourselves).

It’s just not possible. So why are we wasting our time and energy trying?

We are always in Progress…we are progressing through life.

Even if we hit 60 or 75 or 80% of what we *think* is “perfect” it is likely not “good enough.”

Want to feel *good enough*?

Let go of the idea of being perfect.

Let’s be honest (with ourselves AND others) instead. Besides, who’s judging us anyway? We are likely much harder on ourselves than anyone else is or would be!! This vicious cycle is exhausting!

Want more energy? Want to feel good enough? Give yourself permission to know there is no such thing as perfect. Give yourself permission to be kind and graceful with yourself. And then feel the weight lifted from your shoulders so you feel lighter and more energetic!

Remember, we are works in progress…

If you are noticing yourself reassessing your work, your relationships, or even your location, good for you! It means you are being mindful of what all your options are. While you may not truly entertain most of those options, the more choices you give yourself, the less stuck you’ll feel.

And if you are stuck, no problem!

Pushing and forcing works for us at many stages of our life, but there comes a point when we begin to reassess if we need to keep doing things the same way we’ve done them.

Perhaps it’s time to shake shit up a bit?

That’s what we’re here for!! Working with a therapist can offer you more clarity and focus for your path forward. And you’ll feel calmer, lighter, and more peaceful.

should

Shifting from Should to Could

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Should.

You SHOULD do this. You SHOULD do that. What happens in your body and mind when you read those sentences? 🤔
I wonder if resistance or discomfort arises. For me, I get a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I get heated, fired up.  And I want to fight and argue.
We don’t like to be told what to do. We want the freedom of choice. To choose what feels best to us. Yet we are often the ones shoulding all over ourselves as we remind ourselves of outdated messages we received from other people, faith traditions, cultures, society, etc.
So then does this mean we are creating our own tension inside of ourselves that we don’t need or likely want to be creating?! Hmmm…how would you answer that? When we know better, we do better. There is another option. A way to speak to yourself kinder and gentler.
This is your moment. Notice how you are shoulding all over yourself and the negativity it elicits in you. No need to beat yourself up for continuing to should, just notice it with a, “Well, there’s that,” and move along. Just the act of noticing diffuses it and gives it permission to go on its way.
If it feels better to you, experiment with replacing should with could. Could gives us options and the freedom to choose. Remember, we like freedom. We like choice. Choose wisely.
trust playbook

How To Rebuild Trust: A Playbook

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Written by Rob Giltner, MAMFT

A lot of couples get in “gridlock” where they find themselves in conflict over the same subject or find themselves continuously in conflict. Couples in “gridlock” are trying to solve the issue that is the tip of the iceberg. Partners may get frustrated with this issue not being solved, and begin to feel like they’re not being heard or understood. This then makes partners listen to respond to each other rather than listening to understand each other.

Once we work to come from a place of understanding rather than one of response, we realize that many arguments are not about what we see on the surface, but are really ice that has built up underneath the surface. Many times once our partner understands our ice below, we began to feel connected and understood which melts away the ice. We then find ourselves no longer stuck in “gridlock.”

After such continued conflict, it can be important to practice trust-building. The following is a playbook for strengthening the trust within your relationship.

Signs someone is suffering from PTSD as a result of betrayal:

  • Hypervigilance
  • Emotional numbing with explosions
  • Flashbacks
  • Nightmares
  • Depression

The 3 Pillars for Rebuilding Trust: Atone, Attune, Attach

One can Atone by:

  • Continued expression of remorse and sincere apology (even in the face of skepticism)
  • Confession
  • Dealing with triggers
  • Behavioral change, transparency, and verification
  • Understanding what went wrong
  • Reasons for return or relapse
  • Understanding the high cost of future betrayal
  • Acceptance and forgiveness

After conflict with your partner, the key to healing is to process and repair. It is vital that we are mindful of our partners’ feelings, as well as our own related to the event. Identifying triggers to those feelings is a great way to begin to repair from conflict. Triggers can come from events related to influence, acceptance, and affection.

Attune stands for:

A=Awareness
T=Turning toward
T=Tolerance
U=Understanding
N= Nondefensive Responding
E=Empathy

Couples must learn to handle conflict by tuning in, so it doesn’t overwhelm them and create distance in their relationship.

When an individual feels emotionally overwhelmed, it makes it very difficult for them to listen to understand, offer empathy, and dialogue. Their brains are in fight or flight mode. This may then result in stonewalling, criticism, and defensiveness. If a couple is able to find ways to self-soothe, they are able to approach an argument rationally and gently and they have a higher chance of a positive outcome. Sometimes couples need to take a break from the argument to soothe, but they must agree to return to the conflict.

Attach

When we talk about attachment, we are asking, “Are you there for me?” You can practice connecting to your partner through:

  • Rituals of connection
  • Building intimacy
  • Turning towards one another
  • Accepting bids

Establishing Rituals for Connection

One of the keys to a strong relationship is creating shared meaning between you and your partner. Shared meaning can be big things like sharing overarching goals and visions for your relationship and life, but it also comes from establishing rituals of connection. These are rituals that you do daily, weekly, or monthly that bring you together and allow you to connect as a couple. These rituals ensure that you are taking the time to develop deep emotional connections with each other.

It can be helpful to start by examining each partner’s memories of family rituals and then script new rituals. Be specific about what, how when, and where. Restructure your time the following week to include these.

  • Waking up, waking one another up
  • Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, & or coffee together
  • Bedtime
  • Leaving one another
  • Reuniting
  • Handling finances
  • Hosting others at home
  • Athletics, exercise
  • Celebrations (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)
  • Taking care of each other when sick
  • Renewing your spirit
  • Recreation, games, play
  • Dates and romantic evenings
  • Watching television
  • Running errands, doing chores
  • Doing schoolwork
  • Soothing other people’s feelings
  • Apologizing or repairing feelings after an argument
  • Common hobbies
  • Making art

Resources: The Gottman Institute

Louisville Mindfulness Center’s “A” Rating on the BBB

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Exciting news! The Better Business Bureau has invited Louisville Mindfulness Center to be listed on its website! What an honor. We strive for excellence in our services and our clients agree!

Check out our “A” rated listing HERE!!

Scapegoating in Dysfunctional Families

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Scapegoating in Dysfunctional FamiliesPerson in gray skirt suit stands under spotlight, head bowed, in red-toned room

If you were the scapegoat in your dysfunctional family, this article by Sarah Swenson, MA, LMHC titled “The Blameless Burden: Scapegoating in Dysfunctional Families” may be an incredibly powerful read for you. Oh, and CONGRATS! It likely means you were put in that role because you are the strongest and healthiest!

Don't Go to Sleep, sleep, rest, kids

Megan Returns to Fortyish Podcast to Promote New Book

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Megan Returns to Fortyish Podcast for a Third Time to Promote New Book, Don’t Go To Sleep

 

I know I’m in for a good time when Stephanie White and Dan Vonderheide invite me to be a guest on their podcast, Fortyish. For Episode 93, they wanted me to come on to talk about my new book, Don’t Go To Sleep. Click HERE to listen!

Don’t Go To Sleep is a silly and fun bedtime book to help children (and their grown-ups) get relaxed and calm at bedtime. Essentially it’s a guided meditation that parents read to their kiddos that actually may be just as beneficial for the parent as it is for their kiddo. It is a method I developed and used with my own daughter when she was 4 years old. We had always struggled at bedtime to get her to relax and calm at bedtime. For years she would flip and flop for a good hour or more and want me to stay with her until she fell asleep. Not knowing exactly what was going on, I tried all kinds of ways to help her. A few things we tried with limited success: a bedtime routine, limited screen time close to bedtime, aromatherapy, homeopathic remedies, flower essence, chiropractics, and craniosacral massage.

Finally, I decided to put to use some techniques I was using with adults in my practice at Louisville Mindfulness Center. I helped her get out of her head and more into her body. I utilized her senses to get her focused and keep her mind occupied so she wasn’t preoccupied with a fear of the dark, monsters, or being left alone. What I noticed as my method developed more fully was that not only was she responding to it well, but I was much more relaxed at bedtime. In fact, I now would look forward to tucking her in since I knew she’d be asleep in five or so minutes. It was incredible!

Eventually I thought, “If this can work this well for us, I wonder if it can work for others?” So I gave it a shot. I started writing the method down how I thought it could be most helpful for others. It went through several revisions after trusted feedback. One suggestion was to make sure it had pictures. My husband and I had a good friend whose drawings I had always admired so I asked him if he’d contribute a few drawings to the book. The illustrator, Erik Schullstrom, is a former Major League Baseball pitcher and now spends his time scouting players for the Hiroshima Carp.

Overall, I’m thrilled with how the book turned out. Don’t Go To Sleep is available on Amazon! Check it out for yourself, or send it to someone who could use it!

Click HERE to listen to Megan on Episode 93 of Fortyish!

Click HERE to buy the book, Don’t Go To Sleep!

 

Megan’s book, Don’t Go To Sleep, is on Amazon!

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My book, Don’t Go To Sleep, is on Amazon!

I’m so excited! This book is a bedtime book for parents and children to get relaxed and calm at bedtime. It’s essentially a guided meditation I developed for my 4 year-old daughter after years of struggling with bedtime. After a week of using this with my daughter, bedtime at our house was much smoother and my daughter went to sleep quickly and easily. Not only that, but I realized that I calmed down and was more patient and lovey with her. It helped us both!

If bedtime is a struggle at your house, or your child fights going to sleep, or you have tried multiple methods for good sleep hygiene and nothing seems to work, then this is the book for you! Go ahead, give it a try! Let me know how it goes!

 

Martha Stewart Weddings asks Megan an important question…

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What do you do when two important people in your life don’t get along? While it could me your mom and your husband, your roommate and your boyfriend, or your husband and your closest co-worker, Martha Stewart Weddings wanted to know what is a bride to do when her best friend (and maid of honor) and her fiance don’t get along. Oooooo, that’s a good one! I was all too thrilled to give a very insightful and tried and true answer. Click here to read the full article!

We are E X P A N D I N G!

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Not only have we moved to a new, beautifully-renovated office suite, but we are looking for more therapists to come join us!

Do you have what it takes to be a part of our team? Send me your resume and cover letter and we’ll find out!

Click HERE for more info!

 

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