The Link Between Boundaries & Resentment
Resentment stems from unclear boundaries
The women begin by acknowledging that the word “resentment” has been mentioned multiple times in their discussions on boundaries. They suggest that boundaries act as a way to define what individuals are capable of and how they interact with others. Without clear boundaries, resentment can creep in.
The responsibility of setting and maintaining boundaries falls on individuals. They emphasize the importance of self-awareness and taking the time to consider one’s own feelings and agreements in any given situation. They use the example of couples therapy and the challenges that arise during the holiday season when there are numerous commitments and parties to attend. Many individuals struggle to express their limits and preferences, often opting to go along with their partner’s desires to avoid conflict. This can lead to resentment building up over time.
The hosts also discuss the difficulty of expressing boundaries without hurting others’ feelings or causing discomfort. They mention their own family’s humorous excuse of using “diarrhea” as a last-minute get-out-of-a-situation card. However, they stress the need for a more genuine and respectful approach to setting boundaries.
The conversation then shifts to the concept of exchange balance when it comes to boundaries. Individuals need to consider whether engaging in certain activities or commitments will give them something in return, whether it be energy, time, money, or other resources. They acknowledge that sometimes people do things without expecting anything in return, but it is crucial to maintain a balance and not consistently give without receiving.
Empowerment through setting boundaries
Setting boundaries is an essential aspect of empowerment. The women emphasize how women are often socialized to prioritize the needs and desires of others over their own. This lack of empowerment to voice their own needs can lead to feelings of resentment and being taken for granted. However, they highlight the importance of unlearning these societal expectations and empowering oneself by setting boundaries.
They discuss how they model boundary-setting for their children. By setting good boundaries with their kids, they are teaching them the importance of having a voice and being receptive to hearing others’ voices. This empowers their children to assert their own needs and desires, creating a more balanced and respectful dynamic.
The women also touch on the socialization of women to overemphasize empathy. While empathy is important, it “should” (shoulding!) not come at the expense of setting boundaries. Balancing empathy with boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and self-care. The women suggest that having empathy for oneself is equally important as having empathy for others. It encourages individuals to prioritize their own well-being by checking in with themselves and determining if a particular request aligns with their own needs and desires.
Embrace and communicate your boundaries
The women emphasize the importance of embracing and communicating personal boundaries. They begin by discussing the creation of a supportive environment and the need to surround oneself with understanding friends and individuals who respect one’s boundaries. They share their own experience as an introvert and how they have cultivated friendships with people who understand and accept their need for solitude.
CLICK HERE to listen to this episode! Season 3, Episode 5 (Part 2)
