ground yourself

So, what is professional burnout?

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So, what is professional burnout?
by Britt Riddle

 

I remember the moment I received a letter from my retirement benefits company that forecasted the year of my anticipated retirement. In what seemed like slow motion, I put the letter on the table next to where I was standing and said out loud to myself, “No? No. No!” Something in my gut knew things were going to have to change. Symptoms of professional burnout had been creeping in for years—occasional fatigue that turned into constant exhaustion, minor health inconveniences that shifted into autoimmune responses, and weeks filled with tasks that, while once deeply meaningful, now felt frustrating and tedious. I enjoyed the people I worked with, but I realized the long hours, the caregiving role, and my personality as an introvert meant the work was not sustainable for me long-term.

It was this realization that led me back to school to become a therapist. I wanted to learn more my own burnout experience as well as the experience of so many of my colleagues in helping professions. And I didn’t just want to learn about it, I wanted to learn how to recover from it, or better yet, prevent it.

So, what is professional burnout?

Professional burnout is more than feelings of temporary stress. It occurs when the demands of your job (e.g., excessive workload, unrealistic expectations, lack of decision-making, inadequate support from management or colleagues, deadlines, fundraising goals, meetings, or customer/client complaints) outweigh the resources you have to meet the demands (e.g., budget, team members, skillsets, technology, time, realistic expectations, and emotional support) over a period of time. Burnout tends to show up in people who are in caregiving roles, high-pressure work environments, or those who feel a lack of agency in how they do their work.

What does burnout look like?

Burnout symptoms come in all different forms and look different for each person, but there are some common themes:

  • Emotional Exhaustion: Feeling drained, fatigued, and unable to cope with daily demands.
  • Depersonalization: Developing a cynical attitude toward your job, colleagues, or the people you serve, leading to emotional detachment.
  • Reduced Performance: A noticeable decline in productivity and/or effectiveness in your role.
  • Physical Symptoms: Headaches, stomach issues, and sleep disturbances
  • Decreased Satisfaction: A loss of enjoyment and motivation for your work, even in tasks that used to bring you joy.

How can we prevent burnout?

I recently came across the work of cognitive neurobiologist, Dr. Sahar Yousef—she proposes a 3M framework that provides a simple (though not necessarily easy) structure for reducing stress, preventing burnout, and increasing work-life balance. Dr. Yousef’s 3M framework includes planning your day, week, and month around these kinds of breaks:

Macro (big) breaks: a full or half day of rest every month

Meso (medium) breaks: 2-4 hours of rest every week

Micro (small) breaks: a few minutes of rest every day

“Rest” in this context doesn’t just mean not working, but invites us to consider how to find small moments when we can actually allow our mind and body to disconnect and reset—creating stretches of time, even if brief, when we do not have responsibility for anything or to anyone.

Other burnout prevention strategies include:

  • Regular Check-Ins: Taking a weekly or monthly assessment of your stress levels (some people find it helpful to gauge stress on a 1-10 scale so changes can be easily identified) can help you notice early stages of stress that you can take actions to reduce before it turns into burnout.
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Engage in activities that recharge you, such as exercise, hobbies, and quality time with friends and family.
  • Identify & Establish Boundaries: Set clear work hours and make time for breaks to disconnect from work responsibilities.
  • Seek Support: Talking to colleagues, friends, or a therapist can provide validation and strategies for coping.
  • Professional Development: Engaging in training or workshops can provide fresh skills and perspectives, reigniting your passion for work.

One way I enjoy helping clients who are wanting to prevent or recover from burnout is to work on identifying personal values. When our values don’t align with our workplace culture or expectations, we may experience significant stress and/or burnout. Clarifying values allows us to get clear about what is most important to us—the why of what we do and the choices we make. This helps us set boundaries and feel more confident in saying “yes” and “no” when making decisions—all of which increases our sense of agency and reduces the likelihood of burnout.

My own experience with burnout helps me hold on to hope for my clients who may feel stuck on the seemingly never-ending hamster wheel of workplace expectations and demands. If you are struggling with burnout or think you might be heading in that direction, you do not have to go it alone!

Please reach out for a free consult call to see if we may be a good fit to work together: https://schedulewithlmc.as.me/BrittRiddle. I would love to help you explore ways to reduce stress, clarify your boundaries, as well as cultivate your burnout prevention toolbox.

 

Britt, Britt Riddle, Religious traumaOriginally from Louisville, Britt moved back to pursue a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy at Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary. Prior to becoming a therapist, Britt received a Master of Divinity (M.Div.) degree and Doctor of Ministry (D.Min.) degree and served as a minister in congregations in Virginia and Kentucky. In her free time she can be found doing all the introvert things: writing, creating, reading, and practicing meditation and yoga.

 

instincts

Using Your Gut

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Using Your Gut
by Keith Williams
One of the pieces I treasure about our work at the Mindfulness Center is the invitation for those seeking help to consult with a therapist prior to meeting with them.  This is a special opportunity to ask questions and to get a “gut” feeling about whether or not the therapist will be a good fit.  Quite often during these conversations, I am asked about whether or not I follow a certain approach or therapeutic model.  I believe it can be limiting to introduce a specific model or approach to a person, couple, or family who have distinctive experiences that may or may not benefit from a single model.
I do understand, however, that more is needed here, and with that in mind I would share that the core of my approach could best be defined as unconscious process work.  “What is that?”, you might ask.  Well, for starters, it stems from my belief that our brains are made to solve problems without thinking about it.  Trusting your gut, reconnecting with your gut, and calling upon a lifetime of unconscious learnings is a powerful tool for creative problem solving.
I aim to challenge my clients towards growth oriented problem solving that supports and urges them towards their own self efficacy.  I am continually awed by the wealth of experiences that clients bravely bring to sessions, and vigorously pursue harnessing them in creative ways.  Once we have located and located these treasures, it is but a matter of rehearsing how to use them in everyday life.  It is a special process, indeed.
Keith Williams, LMFTcouples therapy, couples counseling is a lifelong Louisvillian. He received his master’s degree from Louisville Seminary and was classmates with fellow Mindfulness Center therapists Megan Bayles Bartley and Elizabeth McCormack over twenty years ago.
He loves absurd humor, pulling weeds in his garden, and travel.
Keith’s clients would describe him as creative, resolute, and playful. 
Keith offers FREE 10-minute consultations to see if working together is a good fit. You can schedule your free consult online HERE!
Love letter, love, anniversary, marriage, therapy, counseling

A Love Letter

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A Love Letter

by Keith Williams

 

As I write this today, I am celebrating 30 years of marriage.
I must admit that I don’t write many love letters these days, but I intend for this to be one.
Every day, in my office, I get to do what I love in working with couples.  My education, training, mentors, and thousands of hours of experience have helped shape my approach and values in the work that I do.  I am often aware of these influences as I am working.  They appear when I need them.  While they are substantial, they pale in comparison to my greatest teacher, my wife.
My wife first encouraged me to become a therapist.  She sacrificed, endured, and supported me on the road to becoming one.  She teaches me love, in all of it’s countless ways.  When I sit before a couple who is struggling, I am able to access a lifetime of experiences from her resolute care.  I loan the strength and confidence to couples that she has so freely given me.
To my wife, I thank you fulfilling all of my dreams.  Thank you for making me into a man.  Thank you for being indestructible.  Thank you for letting me aggravate you, constantly.
I love you.
couples therapy, couples counselingKeith Williams, LMFT is a lifelong Louisvillian. He received his master’s degree from Louisville Seminary and was classmates with fellow Mindfulness Center therapists Megan Bayles Bartley and Elizabeth McCormack over twenty years ago.
He loves absurd humor, pulling weeds in his garden, and travel.
Keith’s clients would describe him as creative, resolute, and playful. 
Keith offers FREE 10-minute consultations to see if working together is a good fit. You can schedule your free consult online HERE!
kiddos

The Element of Surprise

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Surprise is a wonderful thing.  I have to own that as a therapist for over 20 years, sometimes I take too much pride in knowing that I have seen so much that it would be hard to surprise me.  Yet, if I reflect honestly, there is hardly a day that goes by that surprise doesn’t enter my practice.
In working with couples, I am most often “surprised” at how little attention, if any, is given to negotiations of how the marriage will work prior to the commitment.  I hear from couples all the time that in the lead up to their marriage, they just “rolled with it”.  There seems to be a romantic notion that they will intuit each others every need, and that to plan and plot as to how to navigate all the experiences they will encounter would only cast doubt on their “magic” ability to get along and solve problems.
I love seeing the sense of possibilities that couples discover in therapy when they begin to construct and negotiate around the things that are most important to them.  It’s as if a whole new world of experiences becomes available and they encounter each other in new ways that they each never thought possible.  In sometimes strange ways, the simplicity of how couples can introduce caring and curious language into their daily communication with one another can supercharge progress and break down the residue that has been accumulating over the course of many years.
Logic is a revered thing.  When couples share their stories with me, each person has a construct of what they consider to be a logical way to approach their hurt or to resolve their conflict.  It is always very liberating for the couples to begin to understand that very little of their troubles had anything to do with “logic”, and that attempting to apply logic to their problem solving will only result in spinning their wheels.
There are powerful resources in the unconscious.  When I collaborate with couples in tapping into this, they discover, almost out of nowhere, that they could experience the type of love that they had dreamed of.  If you have been struggling with connection, meaning, and love with your partner, I am available for consultation and guidance on how we can begin to access these resources and strengthen your way going forward.
couples therapy, couples counselingKeith Williams, LMFT is a lifelong Louisvillian. He received his master’s degree from Louisville Seminary and was classmates with fellow Mindfulness Center therapists Megan Bayles Bartley and Elizabeth McCormack over twenty years ago.
He loves absurd humor, pulling weeds in his garden, and travel.
Keith’s clients would describe him as creative, resolute, and playful. 
Keith offers FREE 10-minute consultations to see if working together is a good fit. You can schedule your free consult online HERE!

How To Change Your Memories

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What are Maladaptively Stored Memories?

Our memories shape who we are, but sometimes, they can hold us back. Maladaptively stored memories are distressing experiences that haven’t been properly processed by the brain. They can be intrusive, causing flashbacks, nightmares, and intense emotions. They can be painful events from childhood when our brain wasn’t fully developed and the adults around us tried to “protect” us from what was happening. These memories need to be fully processed with a fully developed brain.

 

How Do They Affect Us?

Maladaptive memories can wreak havoc on our mental well-being. They can lead to:

  • Anxiety

  • Depression

  • Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

  • Unhealthy coping mechanisms

 

How Can Mindfulness Help?

Mindfulness practices can help us approach maladaptive memories with greater awareness and compassion. By learning to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment, we can begin to detach from the emotional grip of the past.

Here are some mindfulness techniques that can help:

  • Meditation: Meditation can help us become more aware of our thoughts and feelings, and to let go of unhelpful attachments.

  • Journaling: Writing down our thoughts and feelings about a maladaptive memory can help us to process it and gain new insights.

  • Body awareness: Paying attention to our physical sensations can help us to identify and release tension associated with a maladaptive memory.

 

EMDR And Seeking Help

If you are struggling with maladaptive memories, you don’t have to go it alone. Our therapists can teach you coping mechanisms and help you process your experiences in a safe and supportive environment.

EMDR is a therapeutic technique specifically designed to help with reprocessing. Without having to fully re-experience the event. We can process current sensations and feelings that remind us of that previous event. We can then learn skills to address negative cognitions and triggering feelings to respond differently or have no response at all. Your memories don’t have to hold you back or make you feel powerless to your emotions. Reach out if you are wanting to feel more control and enjoyment in your life.

If you are interested in learning more please contact Elizabeth McCormack, LMFT for a 10 minute consultation to see if EMDR would be your next step to emotional freedom.

Mindfulness is a journey, not a destination. By developing a greater awareness of our thoughts and feelings, we can begin to heal from the past and create a brighter future.

Elizabeth, McCormack, Florida, therapist, mindfulness

Elizabeth McCormack, LMFT is our therapist at The Mindfulness Center offering EMDR. Feel free to schedule a FREE 10-minute consultation with her to see if working together is optimal for both of you. Or, if you’re ready to schedule your first therapy session, you can schedule with Elizabeth HERE!

Treating Trauma with EMDR

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Most of us experience trauma in our lives. Whether your trauma is capital “T” Trauma or a lower-case “t” trauma, everyone experiences these difficult scenarios differently. For some people they can seemingly let it go and not be bothered by it. For others, the difficult scenario can stick with them and come out sideways in various ways throughout life.

Trauma can be something that has happened in the past, perhaps years ago, that follows us into the present and keeps us from fully enjoying life today. It is a memory that lives in our minds and our bodies. Interestingly, memory has been shown to be unreliable since we remember the event from the last time we thought or talked about it, not necessarily the exact moment that it happened. Thinking about an event, we tend to make meaning of it. Oftentimes there are mixed emotions and meanings we experience which can feel confusing. It’s this confusion that can keep us stuck.

Trauma can cause us to clam up and turn inward to protect ourselves from future harm. Others of us can get BIG and LOUD to protect ourselves and externalize the trauma. There is not a right or wrong way to deal with trauma or any experience for that matter.

At The Mindfulness Center, we work from a “Yes, and…” perspective. Yes, you may feel scared and angry, and you might also want to connect with others while also avoiding getting too close as a way to protect yourself. Life and relationships can be complicated and messy. Our work as therapists is to help you move beyond the stuckness as you are ready.

One way to treat trauma or stuckness is with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).  EMDR is a therapeutic technique of desensitization and reprocessing. In session, we focus on being present in our bodies. This helps us identify what is happening and what sensations are being felt in the body. We improve our ability to tolerate uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. We examine our internal and external resources so that we can trust our ability to handle this inner work safely and effectively.

EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (BLS), is thought to play a crucial role in helping reprocess traumatic memories. BLS involves stimulating both sides of the body, through eye movements,
alternating tones or alternating taping while the client focuses on the disturbing memory. This stimulation is believed to activate the brain’s natural information processing system, allowing it
to revisit and reprocess the memory in a less distressing way. By enabling this reprocessing, BLS may help reduce the emotional intensity of the memory and its associated negative EMDR, marriage counselor, child psychologist
thoughts and beliefs.

EMDR therapy is recommended for individuals who have experienced trauma, such as PTSD, anxiety, depression, phobias, and grief. It can also be helpful for those struggling with chronic
pain, eating disorders, and dissociative disorders. EMDR can be a powerful tool for people seeking to heal from past experiences and improve their emotional well-being.

Elizabeth McCormack, LMFT is our therapist at The Mindfulness Center offering EMDR. Feel free to schedule a FREE 10-minute consultation with her to see if working together is optimal for both of you. Or, if you’re ready to schedule your first therapy session, you can schedule with Elizabeth HERE!

Elizabeth, McCormack, Florida, therapist, mindfulness

What is EMDR?

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Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Healing from Trauma 

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a powerful psychotherapy technique that helps individuals heal from trauma. It’s an increasingly popular treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but it can also be effective for a variety of other challenges stemming from disturbing life experiences. 

How Does EMDR Work? 

EMDR works by targeting the way the brain stores memories. Traumatic memories can become stuck, leading to intense emotions, flashbacks, and nightmares. EMDR helps reprocess these memories, allowing them to be stored in a less distressing way. 

During EMDR sessions, you’ll revisit the traumatic memory while engaging in bilateral stimulation, which can involve eye movements, tapping, or auditory tones. This bilateral stimulation is thought to help your brain process the memory and integrate it with your existing emotional network. 

What to Expect in EMDR Therapy 

EMDR therapy typically follows a structured approach. Here’s a general outline of what you might expect: 

  • History and Planning: The therapist will gather information about your background and the issue you’re bringing to therapy. They’ll then develop a treatment plan tailored to your specific needs. 
  • Preparation: You’ll learn relaxation techniques to help you manage any discomfort that may arise during EMDR sessions. 
  • Desensitization: You’ll focus on the traumatic memory while engaging in bilateral stimulation. 
  • Installation: You’ll identify positive thoughts or beliefs that you want to associate with the memory. 
  • Body Scan: You’ll pay attention to any physical sensations you experience while focusing on the memory. 
  • Closure: The therapist will guide you in techniques to bring the session to a close in a safe and grounded way. 

EMDR vs. Talk Therapy 

EMDR is different from traditional talk therapy in that it doesn’t require extensive retelling of the traumatic experience. This can be helpful for people who find it difficult to talk about their trauma. 

Benefits of EMDR Therapy

EMDR therapy has been shown to be effective in treating a variety of conditions, including: 

  • PTSD 
  • Anxiety 
  • Depression 
  • Phobias 
  • Pain 
  • Grief 

EMDR can help you: 

  • Reduce emotional distress 
  • Improve your ability to cope with difficult memories 
  • Develop healthier coping mechanisms 
  • Enhance your self-esteem 

If you are interested in learning more about EMDR please contact Elizabeth McCormack, LMFT at the Mindfulness Center: [email protected]. 

forgive, love, kindness

Actions Speak Louder than Words

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Action Speaks Louder than Words: The Power of Intentions

In a world where words are often used to deceive, manipulate, or simply lack sincerity, the proverb “Action speaks louder than words” holds immense significance. This timeless adage emphasizes the importance of actions as a true reflection of one’s intentions and character. We will explore the profound impact of actions and how they can often surpass the power of words.

Actions Manifest True Intentions:

While words can be easily manipulated or insincere, actions have an inherent authenticity that cannot be easily dismissed. Actions are concrete manifestations of one’s beliefs, values, and intentions. They have the power to reveal the true character of an individual, as they require effort, commitment, and consistency. For example, a person who claims to be environmentally conscious but fails to recycle or reduce their carbon footprint demonstrates a lack of genuine commitment to their stated values. In contrast, someone who actively engages in sustainable practices and consistently supports environmental causes through their actions demonstrates a true dedication to their beliefs.

Actions Inspire Trust and Confidence:

Actions have the power to build trust and confidence in relationships, whether personal or professional. When individuals consistently follow through on their promises and commitments, their actions validate their words. This alignment between words and actions fosters trust and reliability, enabling healthy and meaningful connections. Conversely, when words and actions do not align, doubt and skepticism can arise, eroding trust and straining relationships. For instance, a leader who consistently makes grand promises but fails to deliver on them will eventually lose the trust and confidence of their team. In contrast, a leader who takes tangible steps to fulfill their commitments will inspire loyalty and motivate others to follow their lead.

Actions Drive Change and Impact:

While words have the potential to inspire, actions are the driving force behind meaningful change and impact. History is replete with examples of individuals whose actions have shaped the world. Mahatma Gandhi’s nonviolent resistance movements, for instance, demonstrated the power of peaceful protest and inspired a nation to fight for independence. Similarly, the actions of civil rights activists like Martin Luther King Jr. transformed society by challenging racial inequality and discrimination. These influential figures understood that their actions would speak louder than any words they could utter, and their legacies continue to inspire generations.

Actions Overcome Communication Barriers:

In a diverse and globalized world, language barriers and cultural differences often hinder effective communication. Actions can transcend these barriers and convey messages that words alone cannot. A simple act of kindness, a helping hand extended to a stranger, or a charitable donation can communicate compassion, empathy, and goodwill without the need for verbal communication. Such actions create a universal language that unites people from different backgrounds, fostering understanding and connection.

Resetting for success and mindfulness.

One area where this alignment between words and actions is particularly important is in the pursuit of success and mindfulness. In today’s fast-paced world, it is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, constantly striving for success without taking the time to pause, reflect, and reset. True success cannot be achieved without a mindful approach that considers not only the end goal but also the journey and the well-being of oneself and others.

One key aspect of resetting for success and mindfulness is the practice of practical mindfulness. This involves being present in the moment, being aware of one’s thoughts and actions, and intentionally slowing down to assess the situation before diving in. Megan acknowledges her own tendency to jump into things without reading instructions, leading to mistakes and inefficiency. By practicing practical mindfulness, she has learned to be more methodical and intentional in her approach, resulting in better outcomes and a gentler attitude towards herself and others.

She also highlights the significance of doing and being. Megan describes herself as a doer, someone who takes action and gets things done. She recognizes the value of being present, of just being in the moment without constantly striving to do more. This balance between doing and being is crucial for success and mindfulness. By taking the time to just be, to pause and reflect, individuals can gain a fresh perspective, see things with beginner’s eyes, and open themselves up to new possibilities and ways of thinking.

The concept of resetting for success and mindfulness is not about following rigid step-by-step guides or adhering to strict rules. Instead, it is about embracing flexibility, curiosity, and the rainbow of options. Megan encourages listeners to think differently, to challenge black and white thinking, and to explore new ways of approaching tasks and routines. By making small changes, such as sitting in a different spot at the table or taking a different route to work, individuals can cultivate a more malleable mindset and create momentum for positive change.

Megan emphasizes the importance of choice and the ability to change one’s mind. Success and mindfulness require individuals to honor themselves, to give themselves the space and time to reset. This may involve pausing, reflecting, and checking in with oneself. It may also involve acknowledging and expressing gratitude for the things one is grateful for in life. By focusing on what is going well and what one is grateful for, individuals can shift their perspective and approach to life, setting themselves up for success and a more mindful existence.

Listen to this Shifting Our Shit (SOS) Podcast episode HERE!

subconscious, new year, resolution, resolutions, boundaries, success

Prioritize Yourself Without Feeling Selfish!

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Prioritize self-care, embrace alone time.

 

In today’s fast-paced and demanding world, it is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We often put the needs of others before our own, neglecting our own well-being in the process. It is essential to prioritize self-care and embrace alone time to maintain a healthy and fulfilling life.

 

Megan uses the metaphor of an airplane oxygen mask to illustrate the concept of prioritizing oneself. Just like on an airplane, where we are instructed to put on our own oxygen mask before helping others, we need to take care of ourselves first. This is not selfish; it is self-care. By ensuring our own well-being, we can better serve and support others.

 

She acknowledges that prioritizing oneself can be a struggle, as society often views self-care as selfish. However, she shares her personal experiences to emphasize the importance of taking time for oneself. They mention their need for alone time, particularly as an introvert. She explains how she takes a few days every quarter to be by herself, engage in creative activities, and recharge. Initially, she felt guilty and selfish for taking this time, but she realized that it made her a better therapist and a nicer person overall. She has learned to embrace her introversion and prioritize her need for solitude.

 

The societal norm of extroversion makes the misconception that being alone is abnormal. The women encourage listeners not to apologize for their need for alone time and not to feel the need to explain themselves to others. They emphasize that it is okay to be different and to prioritize self-care, even if others do not understand or honor it.

 

Prioritizing self-care and embracing alone time is crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling life. It is not selfish; it is necessary for our well-being. By taking care of ourselves, we can better take care of others. Each person has their own rhythm and needs when it comes to rest, downtime, boundaries, and closeness. It is essential to find what works best for us individually and celebrate it. So, let’s make self-care a priority, embrace alone time, and live a life filled with joy, peace, and fulfillment.

 

Rest is necessary for self-care.

 

The women struggle with the tension between rest and productivity. They mention feeling guilty for needing more sleep than others and fearing missing out on opportunities by not constantly being busy. They have come to realize the importance of rest and have learned to prioritize it without feeling guilty.

 

They acknowledge that their work may not be physically tiring, but it is emotionally draining. They recognize the need to find ways to emotionally rest and recharge. This is an important aspect of self-care that often gets overlooked. Rest is not just about physical rest; it is about taking care of our mental and emotional well-being as well.

 

They also emphasize the importance of creating a space for rest. They mention their favorite piece of furniture, their bed, as a place of quiet and solitude. This emphasizes the need for boundaries and alone time, even in a busy household or work environment. Finding a space where one can shut the door and escape from the noise and demands of everyday life is crucial for self-care.

 

In looking ahead to the future, they express a desire to feel less busy. They recognize that saying no and setting boundaries is necessary to achieve this. They also express concern about how others may perceive their choices. This is the societal pressure to constantly be busy and productive. It is important to remember that self-care is not selfish. Taking care of ourselves allows us to better take care of others. It is about prioritizing our well-being and finding a balance that works for us individually.

 

Honesty and self-care build relationships.

Honesty and self-care are two fundamental aspects of building and maintaining healthy relationships. The women discuss the importance of being honest with oneself and others about their needs and boundaries. By prioritizing self-care and practicing honesty, individuals can foster stronger connections with others and create a more harmonious environment.

 

One of the key points highlighted is the importance of being honest with oneself. This involves recognizing and acknowledging one’s own needs and limitations. They mention how they prioritize their own well-being by taking time to rest, read, or meditate in their cozy bed. They emphasize that this is not a sign of depression or avoidance, but rather a way to rejuvenate and recharge. By being honest with themselves about their need for alone time, they are able to take better care of their mental and emotional health.

 

The importance of being honest with others about their needs and boundaries is crucial. They communicate openly with their family, expressing their desire for quiet time and setting an example for their children to do the same. By being transparent about their own needs, they create an environment where others feel comfortable expressing their own needs as well. This fosters a sense of understanding and respect within the family dynamic.

 

Honesty allows for open dialogue.

Honesty is the foundation of open dialogue and healthy relationships. The women discuss how being honest with others allows them to be honest in return. When someone is not honest about their needs or feelings, it can lead to confusion and misunderstandings. For example, when someone ghosts another person instead of being honest about their availability or preferences, it creates uncertainty and discomfort.

 

They emphasize the importance of being comfortable and vulnerable enough to express one’s true feelings and needs. They mention that some people may struggle to say no or express their preferences because they fear judgment or rejection. By being honest and open, individuals can create an environment where everyone feels safe to express themselves authentically.

 

Prioritize self-care and practice.

 

Prioritizing self-care and practicing honesty are essential components of maintaining healthy relationships and overall well-being. 

 

Prioritizing self-care and practicing honesty can be challenging, especially for those who are new to these concepts. They emphasize that with practice, individuals can become more comfortable and confident in prioritizing their own needs and communicating them to others.

 

Listen to this Episode of Shifting Our Sh!t (SOS) Podcast HERE!

 

boundaries

The Link Between Boundaries & Resentment

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Resentment stems from unclear boundaries

 

The women begin by acknowledging that the word “resentment” has been mentioned multiple times in their discussions on boundaries. They suggest that boundaries act as a way to define what individuals are capable of and how they interact with others. Without clear boundaries, resentment can creep in.

 

The responsibility of setting and maintaining boundaries falls on individuals. They emphasize the importance of self-awareness and taking the time to consider one’s own feelings and agreements in any given situation. They use the example of couples therapy and the challenges that arise during the holiday season when there are numerous commitments and parties to attend. Many individuals struggle to express their limits and preferences, often opting to go along with their partner’s desires to avoid conflict. This can lead to resentment building up over time.

 

The hosts also discuss the difficulty of expressing boundaries without hurting others’ feelings or causing discomfort. They mention their own family’s humorous excuse of using “diarrhea” as a last-minute get-out-of-a-situation card. However, they stress the need for a more genuine and respectful approach to setting boundaries.

 

The conversation then shifts to the concept of exchange balance when it comes to boundaries. Individuals need to consider whether engaging in certain activities or commitments will give them something in return, whether it be energy, time, money, or other resources. They acknowledge that sometimes people do things without expecting anything in return, but it is crucial to maintain a balance and not consistently give without receiving.

 

Empowerment through setting boundaries

 

Setting boundaries is an essential aspect of empowerment. The women emphasize how women are often socialized to prioritize the needs and desires of others over their own. This lack of empowerment to voice their own needs can lead to feelings of resentment and being taken for granted. However, they highlight the importance of unlearning these societal expectations and empowering oneself by setting boundaries.

 

They discuss how they model boundary-setting for their children. By setting good boundaries with their kids, they are teaching them the importance of having a voice and being receptive to hearing others’ voices. This empowers their children to assert their own needs and desires, creating a more balanced and respectful dynamic.

 

The women also touch on the socialization of women to overemphasize empathy. While empathy is important, it “should” (shoulding!) not come at the expense of setting boundaries. Balancing empathy with boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and self-care. The women suggest that having empathy for oneself is equally important as having empathy for others. It encourages individuals to prioritize their own well-being by checking in with themselves and determining if a particular request aligns with their own needs and desires.

 

Embrace and communicate your boundaries

 

The women emphasize the importance of embracing and communicating personal boundaries. They begin by discussing the creation of a supportive environment and the need to surround oneself with understanding friends and individuals who respect one’s boundaries. They share their own experience as an introvert and how they have cultivated friendships with people who understand and accept their need for solitude.

 

CLICK HERE to listen to this episode! Season 3, Episode 5 (Part 2)

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