The Gifts of Depression

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by Ashley Vaden, LMFT

 

“You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase:  make use of suffering.” These words, attributed to Henri-Frederic Amiel, hold a quiet truth that many of us resist. Depression, in all its weight and misery, feels like the enemy—something to escape, numb, or conquer. But what if depression were not an adversary, but a guide? An indicator or your next rite of passage?

 

Carl Jung reminds us that depression is not necessarily pathological. Often, it signals the need for profound change, a harbinger of transformation. Depression, when viewed through this lens, becomes less a punishment and more a messenger, carrying within it the potential for psychological renewal and creativity.

 

To “depress” means to “press down,” to force us into the depths of our own psyche. And though this descent is painful, is it purposeful. Depression pulls our energy and focus inward, away from the external world and distractions that we so often fixate upon. It demands that we stop looking outward for meaning and instead confront what lies within—the forgotten, the suppressed, the unconscious treasure of our own being.

 

James Hollis writes “It takes great courage to value depression, to respect it, not to try and medicate it away or distract ourselves from its misery. Down there is potential meaning split off from consciousness, but alive, dynamic.” Beneath the heaviness, beneath the despair, depression points us to what is hidden:  our instincts, passions, creative drives, and the fragments of our true selves. Depression serves as an opportunity to sift through our value system and determine what matters most. What we often experience as unbearable heaviness is, paradoxically, the weight of something alive struggling to emerge.

 

This descent into the depths is not a journey to be resisted. What we resist, after all, persists. The greatest treasures lie at the deepest places. Depression teaches us to dig, sift, and to descent without resistance, and unearth the psychological gold buried beneath. Yet, this does not mean identifying with depression or becoming lost within it. There is power in maintaining objectivity—in stepping back and observing it, not as something we are but as a part of us with something to teach.

 

In modern society, depression is heavily stigmatized, often seen as a personal failing or a condition to be cured quickly and quietly. We have little tolerance for its presence and even less space for expression. Thomas Moore in Care of the Soul challenges this perspective by suggesting that we reframe our relationship with depression entirely. Rather than pushing it to the margins of our lives, Moore argues that we create intentional spaces for depression—quiet, solitary sanctuaries within our communities. Imagine office buildings with dedicated rooms for solitude, , where people can retreat to sit with their feelings without shame or interruption. By making room for depression, not as an inconvenience but as a natural and meaningful part of life, we begin to strip away the stigma and embrace its potential to transform and renew us.

When we allow ourselves to sit with depression, to listen without judgement, it reveals its purpose:  to elicit dynamic change, to force a reorientation of the soul. It reminds us of what we have neglected within ourselves. Depression is not the end; it is the beginning of a renewal, a signpost pointing toward transformation and meaning.

 

So, when depression visits, as unwelcome as it may feel, consider this:  what lies beneath its weight? What treasure is hidden in the depth of it urges you to explore? It is in the descent, in the courage to feel and observe, that we begin to rise.

 

After acquiring my Master’s Degree at the University of Rochester, I returned to my home state of Kentucky. For the past 5 years, I have been serving adults, teens, and couples at The Mindfulness Center. I help clients heal and grow through means of self compassion and self-derived skills. I have felt especially drawn to attachment theory and Internal Family Systems, as I have found them to be the most empowering and effective modalities for complex trauma and relational distress. I hope to help people make use of their suffering and find purpose and meaning through life’s struggles.

 

To schedule an appointment with me click here.

How To Change Your Memories

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What are Maladaptively Stored Memories?

Our memories shape who we are, but sometimes, they can hold us back. Maladaptively stored memories are distressing experiences that haven’t been properly processed by the brain. They can be intrusive, causing flashbacks, nightmares, and intense emotions. They can be painful events from childhood when our brain wasn’t fully developed and the adults around us tried to “protect” us from what was happening. These memories need to be fully processed with a fully developed brain.

 

How Do They Affect Us?

Maladaptive memories can wreak havoc on our mental well-being. They can lead to:

  • Anxiety

  • Depression

  • Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

  • Unhealthy coping mechanisms

 

How Can Mindfulness Help?

Mindfulness practices can help us approach maladaptive memories with greater awareness and compassion. By learning to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment, we can begin to detach from the emotional grip of the past.

Here are some mindfulness techniques that can help:

  • Meditation: Meditation can help us become more aware of our thoughts and feelings, and to let go of unhelpful attachments.

  • Journaling: Writing down our thoughts and feelings about a maladaptive memory can help us to process it and gain new insights.

  • Body awareness: Paying attention to our physical sensations can help us to identify and release tension associated with a maladaptive memory.

 

EMDR And Seeking Help

If you are struggling with maladaptive memories, you don’t have to go it alone. Our therapists can teach you coping mechanisms and help you process your experiences in a safe and supportive environment.

EMDR is a therapeutic technique specifically designed to help with reprocessing. Without having to fully re-experience the event. We can process current sensations and feelings that remind us of that previous event. We can then learn skills to address negative cognitions and triggering feelings to respond differently or have no response at all. Your memories don’t have to hold you back or make you feel powerless to your emotions. Reach out if you are wanting to feel more control and enjoyment in your life.

If you are interested in learning more please contact Elizabeth McCormack, LMFT for a 10 minute consultation to see if EMDR would be your next step to emotional freedom.

Mindfulness is a journey, not a destination. By developing a greater awareness of our thoughts and feelings, we can begin to heal from the past and create a brighter future.

Elizabeth, McCormack, Florida, therapist, mindfulness

Elizabeth McCormack, LMFT is our therapist at The Mindfulness Center offering EMDR. Feel free to schedule a FREE 10-minute consultation with her to see if working together is optimal for both of you. Or, if you’re ready to schedule your first therapy session, you can schedule with Elizabeth HERE!

understanding mindfulness, present

RESET: Embracing Growth Through Present Discomfort

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Embrace growth through discomfort.

“Embrace growth through discomfort” is a powerful concept that challenges us to step out of our comfort zones in order to achieve personal and professional growth. Megan discussed the importance of embracing discomfort as a means of pushing ourselves to new heights and reaching our full potential.

 

She explained that growth often comes from pushing ourselves beyond what we think we are capable of, and that this can only be achieved through discomfort. When we are comfortable, we are stagnant. We are not challenging ourselves or pushing ourselves to grow. It is only when we step outside of our comfort zones and embrace discomfort that we are able to truly grow and evolve as individuals.

 

Megan shared personal stories of times when they had to embrace discomfort in order to achieve her goals. She talked about the fear and uncertainty she felt, but also the sense of accomplishment and growth that came from pushing through those feelings. It was a reminder that growth is not always easy, but it is always worth it.

 

She also discussed the importance of seeking out discomfort in our daily lives. Whether it is trying something new, taking on a challenging project, or having difficult conversations, embracing discomfort is essential for personal growth. It is through these experiences that we learn more about ourselves, our capabilities, and our potential.

 

Shift “SHOULDS” to more empowering “COULDS”

Megan Bayless-Bartley discusses the importance of shifting to an empowering could in order to foster personal growth and self-empowerment. She emphasizes the negative impact of shoulds, which are limiting beliefs that often lead to feelings of guilt, judgment, and self-criticism. By replacing should with could, individuals can open themselves up to a wider range of options and possibilities, ultimately leading to a more positive and empowering mindset.

 

The concept of shifting shoulds to empowering coulds is a powerful tool for personal growth and self-empowerment. Shoulds are often rooted in external expectations, societal norms, and past conditioning, which can limit our ability to make choices that align with our true desires and values. When we constantly tell ourselves what we should be doing, we create a sense of obligation and pressure that can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

 

Megan Bayles Bartley suggests that by embracing coulds, individuals can break free from the constraints of “shoulds” (shoulding all over ourselves) and embrace a more balanced and fulfilling life. By acknowledging where “shoulds” may have originated from, whether it be societal expectations, family influences, or personal beliefs, individuals can begin to challenge and reframe these limiting beliefs. This process of self-reflection and self-awareness allows individuals to take ownership of their choices and actions, and to cultivate a sense of agency and empowerment in their lives.

Listen to Season 4, Episode 5 of the Shifting Our Shit Podcast HERE!

marriage counseling quiz, resentment, unmet needs, unmet expectations

Resentment & Unmet Needs

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Resentment is built over time

 

Resentment is a complex emotion that is built over time. Therapists Megan Bayles Bartley, Elizabeth McCormack, and Britt Riddle delve into the concept of resentment and its connection to boundaries in relationships. They discuss how resentment is not an immediate reaction but rather a culmination of smaller emotions and unmet needs.

 

They begin by acknowledging that resentment is often preceded by feelings of irritability and annoyance. These initial emotions serve as warning signs that something is amiss in a relationship. They explain resentment arises when individuals feel anger, frustration, and a sense of unfairness or injustice without having a voice that feels heard. It is the result of ongoing experiences where one’s needs and boundaries are repeatedly disregarded or overlooked.

 

They provide relatable examples of how resentment can manifest in different areas of life, such as work, romantic partnerships, and parenting. They emphasize the importance of having a voice and feeling heard in order to prevent resentment from building up. When individuals repeatedly express their discomfort or dissatisfaction but are not listened to or respected, resentment grows.

 

Resentment is likened to a fabric that experiences tiny tears and pulls over time. These small infractions and unaddressed discomforts accumulate, eventually leading to a hole in the fabric of the relationship. They highlight the significance of paying attention to these early signs of discomfort and frustration, as they can escalate into anger and resentment if left unaddressed.

 

They also discuss the internal conflict that often accompanies resentment. Individuals may not only feel resentful towards others but also towards themselves. They may blame themselves for overcommitting, allowing mistreatment, or staying in a relationship that doesn’t feel healthy. This internal resentment further adds to the weight and heaviness of the emotion.

 

In terms of physical sensations, they describe resentment as a heaviness that lingers and follows individuals wherever they go. It is an emotional burden that affects both the mind and body. They compare resentment to bricks being mortared together to form a solid, heavy structure. Each individual brick represents a specific incident or unmet need, and as these bricks accumulate, resentment becomes more entrenched and difficult to dismantle.

 

Resentment stems from unmet needs

 

They acknowledge that resentment is not a one-time occurrence but rather a result of ongoing frustrations and unaddressed emotions. The importance of paying attention to what is happening in relationships and recognizing one’s own sense of power and control. When individuals feel powerless and lacking control, they may let things slide or become avoidant, which can contribute to the buildup of resentment.

 

Avoidance is identified as a significant red flag that indicates a failure to fully utilize one’s energy. They suggest that saying yes to everything can prevent others from having the opportunity to contribute and fulfill their own needs. It encourages individuals to examine their actions and determine what truly brings them fulfillment and what drains their energy. By doing so, they can identify areas where they may need to say no and set boundaries to prevent resentment from accumulating.

 

Be present and avoid resentment

 

The episode begins by discussing the importance of being present and paying attention to one’s actions and choices. The women share a personal anecdote about sitting down to read a new novel instead of engaging in other tasks that could be done. Despite the long list of things to do, they acknowledge the need to prioritize self-care and enjoy the present moment. This decision is made in anticipation of upcoming time off during the holidays.

 

They highlight the importance of being aware of one’s own feelings and potential resentments. They mention how they would feel resentful if they were to spend another hour making holiday peanut butter fudge. Instead, they choose to be present and engage in an activity that brings them joy. This decision is made consciously to avoid building resentment.

 

The conversation then shifts to the age factor and how it impacts the ability to prioritize oneself. The women acknowledge that as they get closer to 50, they have gained wisdom and understanding about the importance of self-care. They reflect on how they would have approached things differently 10 years ago, emphasizing the need for self-compassion for those who are still learning to prioritize themselves.

 

Boundaries empower self-worth and growth

 

The hosts discuss the importance of finding self-worth within oneself rather than seeking external validation. They highlight the societal pressure for women to prioritize serving others and how this can lead to neglecting one’s own needs and desires. It is emphasized that in order to effectively serve others, individuals must first believe that they are worthy of taking care of themselves.

 

The concept of boundaries is then introduced as a means of empowering self-worth and growth. The hosts discuss the fear of confrontation and the difficulty in standing up for oneself. They provide an example of setting boundaries around conversations and the importance of asking for what one needs. By clearly expressing their boundaries, individuals can avoid resentment and maintain healthy relationships.

 

They highlight the significance of consent in setting boundaries. By using the word “consent,” individuals can assert their right to choose when and how they engage in certain conversations or activities. This empowers individuals to prioritize their own well-being and communicate their needs effectively.

 

Listen to this Episode of the Shifting Our Shit Podcast HERE!

ground yourself

Help! I have Compassion Fatigue! Now What?!

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Types of rest for self-care

 

Self-care has become a popular topic in recent years, with many people recognizing the importance of taking care of themselves in order to maintain their overall well-being. One aspect of self-care that is often overlooked is rest. Rest is not just about getting enough sleep or taking a vacation, but it encompasses various types of rest that are necessary for our physical, mental, and emotional health.

 

The first type of rest is physical rest. This is what most people think of when they hear the word rest – taking a nap or lying in bed. However, physical rest can also include activities such as yoga or light stretching, which allow our bodies to relax and recharge. Physical rest is essential for repairing and rejuvenating our muscles, as well as reducing physical fatigue.

 

Another type of rest is mental rest. This type of rest is crucial for those who have taxing mental jobs or find themselves constantly engaged in mentally challenging tasks. Mental rest can involve activities that allow our minds to take a break from thinking and problem-solving, such as engaging in a hobby or spending time in nature. It is important to give our minds the opportunity to recharge and replenish their cognitive resources.

 

Sensory rest is another type of rest that is often overlooked. In today’s fast-paced and overstimulating world, our senses are constantly bombarded with information and stimuli. Taking time to rest our senses can involve finding a quiet and peaceful environment, away from noise and distractions. It can also involve engaging in activities that are soothing to our senses, such as listening to calming music or taking a relaxing bath. Sensory rest allows us to reset and recharge our senses, promoting a sense of calm and well-being.

 

Being creative is also a form of rest. Engaging in creative activities allows us to express ourselves and tap into our inner creativity. Whether it’s cooking, crafting, or engaging in artistic endeavors, being creative provides a sense of fulfillment and rejuvenation. It allows us to focus on the present moment and channel our energy into something that brings us joy.

 

Emotional rest is essential for our mental and emotional well-being. It involves taking the time to process and express our emotions in a safe and supportive environment. This can be achieved through talking to a trusted friend or therapist, journaling, or engaging in activities that promote emotional well-being, such as meditation or mindfulness practices. Emotional rest allows us to release pent-up emotions and find a sense of inner peace.

 

Social rest is another important aspect of self-care. It involves connecting with others and nurturing our relationships. Spending time with loved ones, having meaningful conversations, or simply enjoying the company of others can be incredibly rejuvenating. Social rest allows us to feel supported, understood, and valued, which contributes to our overall well-being.

 

Finally, spiritual rest involves connecting with something larger than ourselves. This can involve engaging in religious or spiritual practices, spending time in nature, or reflecting on our values and beliefs. Spiritual rest provides a sense of purpose and meaning, and allows us to find solace and peace in our lives.

 

Self-care is not selfish

 

Self-care is not selfish. This is a statement that is often misunderstood or dismissed. Many people view self-care as a luxury or a self-indulgent act, but in reality, it is a necessary practice for maintaining our overall well-being. Megan and Elizabeth discuss the importance of self-care and how it is not about being selfish, but rather about taking care of ourselves so that we can better take care of others.

 

They begin by acknowledging that there are many things happening in our lives, and being intentional about addressing each one is crucial. They emphasize the importance of self-awareness and knowing what we need to best take care of ourselves. This is not about being selfish, but rather about recognizing that just like a car needs gas and maintenance to run efficiently, we also need to know what will keep us running efficiently and last for as long as possible.

 

They address the notion that self-care is often seen as selfish because someone else may perceive that we are not giving them enough attention. They argue that we do not have to give others the amount of attention they want if it is not feasible for us. Instead, we need to understand our own limits and prioritize our own well-being. This does not mean neglecting others, but rather finding a balance that allows us to take care of ourselves while still being there for others.

 

Self-compassion is a key aspect of self-care. They explain that as helping professionals, it is common to put our own needs on the back burner in order to help others. However, they stress that taking care of ourselves is an act of self-compassion and is necessary for us to continue helping others effectively. They emphasize that we need to believe that we are worth taking the time to care for ourselves and that our inherent worthiness does not depend on achievements or external factors.

 

They also discuss the importance of setting boundaries and aligning our decisions with our values. They highlight the value in identifying what is truly important to us and using that as a guide for establishing boundaries and making decisions. They acknowledge that there may be situations in helping professions that stretch our boundaries, but it is crucial to bring self-compassion and self-care back into balance in other areas of our lives.

 

Listen to this episode HERE!

Ready to take the next step in your self-awareness?  Download some helpful worksheets HERE!

Exhaustion, Apathy and Compassion Fatigue

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Compassion fatigue and boundaries

 

Compassion fatigue and boundaries are closely intertwined concepts that play a significant role in the lives of individuals in helping professions and caregiving roles. Compassion fatigue refers to the emotional, physical, and spiritual exhaustion that occurs over time when individuals constantly provide care and support to others. It is a gradual lessening of compassion for both oneself and those being cared for.

 

Boundaries, on the other hand, are the limits and guidelines that individuals set to protect their emotional well-being and prevent burnout. These boundaries define the space between oneself and others, ensuring that individuals maintain a healthy balance between empathy and self-care.

 

Britt Riddle, a therapist at the Mindfulness Center, explains that compassion fatigue is often caused by a lack of boundaries or blurred boundaries. When individuals do not establish clear limits in their caregiving roles, they risk becoming emotionally overwhelmed and losing their ability to empathize effectively. This can lead to exhaustion and a decrease in the quality of care provided.

 

Setting boundaries is crucial for protecting oneself from compassion fatigue. These boundaries can be both organizational and emotional. Organizational boundaries involve factors such as client or patient caseload and organizational support. Emotional boundaries, on the other hand, pertain to how individuals provide empathy and support to others. It is essential to strike a balance between being caring and involved without taking on the emotional burden of others.

 

One aspect of emotional boundaries is distinguishing between empathy and sympathy. Empathy involves being present with someone, acknowledging their emotions, and providing support without internalizing their feelings. It is about feeling with someone rather than for them. Sympathy, on the other hand, involves taking on the emotions of others, which can lead to emotional exhaustion and blurred boundaries.

 

Maintaining healthy emotional boundaries allows individuals to be present for others without sacrificing their own well-being. It enables them to provide support and care while still preserving their own emotional resilience. By recognizing the difference between feeling with someone and feeling for someone, individuals can avoid becoming overwhelmed and maintain a healthy balance in their caregiving roles.

 

Setting boundaries for compassion fatigue

 

Boundaries serve as a means of protecting the exchange of energy between individuals. Each person has a different capacity for how much energy they can give and receive without experiencing negative consequences such as anxiety, irritability, or resentment. Recognizing these limits is crucial for preventing compassion fatigue. When caregivers start feeling upset because they have scheduled someone when they didn’t want to, or when they carry the emotions of the day home and feel resentful, it is a clear indication that their boundaries have been crossed.

 

Feelings of resentment are often a red flag that boundaries have been breached. Resentment can arise when caregivers feel overwhelmed and unable to meet their own needs or responsibilities due to excessive emotional labor. It is important for caregivers to prioritize self-care and establish boundaries that allow them to maintain their own well-being. By doing so, they can continue to provide compassionate care without becoming emotionally drained.

 

Boundaries also play a role in respecting both oneself and others. By setting boundaries, individuals recognize that they are responsible for their own well-being and that it is not their job to do the emotional work for others. This autonomy allows individuals to maintain a healthy balance between caring for others and caring for themselves. Over-functioning or under-functioning can occur when individuals feel the need to take on responsibilities that are not theirs or when they neglect their own needs in favor of helping others. Establishing boundaries helps individuals find a middle ground where they can provide support without overextending themselves.

 

Anxiety often accompanies the desire to help and fix problems for others. However, soothing this anxiety does not always require taking action or producing immediate results. Instead, individuals can find solace in being present and creating space for others to do the necessary work themselves. Trusting that others are capable of managing their own emotional realities is an important aspect of setting boundaries. By allowing others to experience their own emotions and not trying to control or fix them, caregivers can offer genuine support and compassion.

 

Setting boundaries is not only beneficial for preventing compassion fatigue but also for enhancing compassion itself. Boundaries allow individuals to have a defined time and space for compassion, which can result in deeper presence and understanding. By protecting their own well-being through boundaries, caregivers can offer more genuine and sustainable support to those they care for.

 

Boundaries are essential for relationships

 

Boundaries are essential for relationships. we discuss the importance of boundaries in managing energy exchange and maintaining integrity within relationships. We emphasize that boundaries are not meant to be rules or punishments, but rather tools that help individuals navigate their interactions with others.

 

We refer to Brene Brown’s definition of boundaries, using the acronym BIG (Boundaries, Integrity, Generous). According to Brown, boundaries are necessary for individuals to stay in their integrity and assume the best intentions of others. This highlights the idea that boundaries are not meant to isolate or separate individuals, but rather to create a framework within which relationships can thrive.

 

We also discuss how boundaries can be seen as intentions. By being intentional with their time and energy, individuals can set clear boundaries and communicate their needs effectively. This allows for a more balanced and fulfilling exchange in relationships, as both parties understand and respect each other’s boundaries.

 

Listen to this episode HERE!

Ready to take the next step in your self-awareness?  Download some helpful worksheets HERE!

 

Boundaries During the Holidays

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Setting boundaries during the holidays.

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. However, for many people, it can also be a time of stress, overwhelm, and exhaustion. The pressure to attend events, participate in traditions, and meet societal expectations can take a toll on mental and emotional well-being. That is why it is crucial to set boundaries during the holidays.

Setting boundaries is an act of self-care. It involves recognizing and prioritizing one’s own needs, protecting mental and emotional well-being, and maintaining healthy relationships. 

One aspect is the need to differentiate between what we think we “should” do (“shoulding” all over ourselves) and what truly brings us joy. Megan mentions the internal struggle of wanting to spend time with her children but questioning whether the activities they engage in are enjoyable for the whole family. This dilemma prompts her to examine their traditions and determine which ones serve the memories and experiences they desire, and which ones they are simply going through the motions for.

By examining our traditions and questioning their purpose, we can make conscious choices about what activities to engage in during the holiday season. This allows us to prioritize the events and traditions that bring us joy and create meaningful memories, while letting go of those that do not align with our values or preferences. It is essential to remember that it is okay to let go of traditions that no longer serve us or bring us happiness. We “should” not feel obligated to continue them simply because they are expected or have been done in the past. We “could” do it how we have done it in the past, or we could do it differently. What are the “Rainbow of Options”?

Another important aspect of setting boundaries is the impact of our attitude and energy on ourselves and those around us. She emphasizes the importance of being aware of the nonverbal communication we send when we force ourselves to participate in activities we do not enjoy. When we are not fully present or enthusiastic, it affects the overall atmosphere and energy of the event. By acknowledging our true feelings and choosing not to participate in activities that do not bring us joy, we can avoid draining ourselves and zapping the energy from the room.

It is important to be honest with ourselves and others about our boundaries. It is okay to change our minds, even at the last minute, and prioritize our well-being. She encourages listeners to ask for space or time alone if needed, without feeling guilty or obligated to attend events or engage in activities that do not align with their current needs. By communicating our boundaries honestly and respectfully, we allow ourselves the freedom to prioritize self-care and create a holiday season that is more aligned with our individual needs and desires.

Setting healthy boundaries is important.

Setting healthy boundaries is important in all aspects of life, including during the holiday season. One of the main reasons why setting boundaries is crucial is to prioritize our own needs. Megan mentions that it is essential to consider our own feelings and emotions when making decisions. It is not selfish to prioritize our own happiness and well-being. By setting boundaries, we can ensure that we are taking care of ourselves and not sacrificing our own needs for the sake of others.

Communication is also a key component of setting healthy boundaries. Megan mentions the importance of being honest and open about our boundaries. By communicating our needs and limitations, we can avoid resentment and misunderstandings. It is important to own our feelings and communicate them to others, especially when it comes to parenting. By being transparent with our children about our own emotions and limitations, we can teach them the importance of setting boundaries and taking care of themselves.

Take responsibility for your choices.

Taking responsibility for our choices is an important aspect of setting boundaries. It requires acknowledging that we have control over our decisions and actions, and that we are responsible for the consequences that arise from them. Megan and Elizabeth discuss how parents need to take responsibility for the choices they make regarding their children’s activities and schedules. The encourage parents to be intentional about what they can physically do and not be afraid to say no or set limits.

They also touch on the importance of taking responsibility in relationships with parents. They mention the guilt and feelings that can arise when trying to balance the demands of visiting or calling parents. They highlight the need for open communication and assertiveness in expressing one’s limitations and boundaries. By taking responsibility for their choices, individuals can actively work towards finding a balance that works for them and their parents.

Ultimately, taking responsibility for our choices means recognizing that we have agency in our lives. It means acknowledging that we have the power to make decisions that are in our best interest and that align with our values and needs. By taking responsibility for our choices, we can create a life that is authentic and fulfilling. It allows us to prioritize our well-being and establish healthy boundaries that promote healthy relationships and self-care.

Listen to this episode HERE!

Britt, Britt Riddle, Religious trauma

Meet Britt Riddle, DMin, MAMFT!

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Reassessing midlife for fulfillment—transition from minister to therapist.

In season 2, episode 2 (part 1) of Shifting Our Shit (S.O.S.) podcast, Megan introduces Britt
Riddle, a therapist at The Mindfulness Center. Britt is originally from Louisville, but more
recently she lived in Virginia and Western Kentucky while serving in congregations as an
ordained minister. Britt describes how she found herself drawn to the moments she calls “deep
spaces,” in ministry such as the sacred conversations that happened in hospital rooms, in nursing
homes, and at funeral services. Though no longer serving professionally in a congregation, Britt
continues to engage in spiritual practices by attending a Quaker meeting (where there is no
ordained leadership) where she is learning new ways of being in community with people without
being responsible for leading or managing the space.
Britt holds both a Master of Divinity (M.Div.) degree and a Doctor of Ministry (D.Min.) degree,
and it was this path and her own experience of burnout that eventually led her to return to
Louisville in order to pursue a degree in marriage and family therapy. Britt shares that being a
therapist had always been in the back of her mind, but the timing was not right to make this shift
until more recently.

Self-care for sensitive people.

Britt self-identifies as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and shares how the “sensitive” trait is
often overlooked and/or misunderstood—as a personality it exists on a continuum—we all have
some level of sensitivity and those with higher levels tend to take on more energy and feelings
from others. Britt discusses how having high empathy and high sensitivity traits led to
compassion fatigue and burnout as a minister, and ultimately, a career shift to become a
therapist.
For those who are HSPs, Britt describes the importance of recognizing and honoring your needs
for downtime and solitude in order to process and recharge emotions. HSPs are often drawn to
personal and professional work that involve caring for others, which makes the need for
boundaries essential in order to maintain emotional and physical health.
Britt highlights the importance for HSPs of seeking support and professional help when
needed—especially when feeling emotionally overwhelmed. She pursued a degree in marriage
and family therapy to better understand her own experiences and now works with clients who are
experiencing compassion fatigue and burnout.

Pause before reacting to emotions.

Britt highlights the practice of pausing before reacting to emotions. In her own experience Britt
does this by paying close attention to her internal, somatic experience, allowing her to recognize
when her heart rate is increasing and any other physical symptoms she may notice. These
physical cues serve as a reminder to pause and take a moment before responding/reacting to a
situation, which allows our brain to kick in and make active, mindful decisions about how to
respond (rather than react in a way that may be unhelpful). Mindfulness involves being present in
the moment and fully aware of one’s thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. By practicing
mindfulness, we can become more attuned to our emotions and recognize when we are starting to
feel dysregulated or overwhelmed.

men's group. men's health, loneliness, purpose, values

Transitions and Resets

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THIS. IS. BIG! In the final episode of Season 1 of Shifting Our Shit, Rob hands over the reins of the S.O.S. Podcast to Megan. They wrap up the past year (and 28 episodes!) and talk about what they have learned and what they appreciate about each other. Megan has much gratitude for Rob as he was integral in helping get this podcast launched. It is with both sadness and joy that we launch Rob off to focus his attention on other things. We will still hear from him from time to time, just not every episode. Stay tuned for Season Two coming any day now as we “Meet the Team” at The Mindfulness Center. Hear why therapists decide to become therapists (messed up childhoods, no doubt! lol j/k) and therapists’ own experience with therapy!

Transition can be bittersweet.

Transition can be bittersweet. This is a sentiment that many of us can relate to, especially in times of change and uncertainty. The SOS Podcast recently aired its final episode of the season, marking a transition for the show. Megan and Rob discussed their plans for the future, the emotions of both excitement and sadness were palpable. This is a common experience for anyone who has gone through a significant life change, whether it be graduating from school, starting a new job, or moving to a new city.

Megan and Rob likened their transition to graduation season, where one leaves behind a familiar environment and moves on to something new. While there is excitement and anticipation for what lies ahead, there is also a sense of loss for what is being left behind. This is a natural part of the human experience, and it is important to acknowledge and honor these emotions.

As Megan and Rob discussed their highlights from the past season, it was clear that they had created a special bond through their podcasting journey. They had shared their thoughts, opinions, and personal experiences with their listeners, and in doing so, had created a sense of community. This is one of the many benefits of podcasting, as it allows individuals to connect with others who share similar interests and experiences.

However, transitions also bring new opportunities. Megan will be taking over as the new host of the podcast, and Rob will be taking on a different role. This change will allow for new voices and perspectives to be heard and will bring fresh energy to the show. While it may be difficult to say goodbye to the old, it is important to embrace the new and look forward to what lies ahead.

In conclusion, transition can be bittersweet. It is natural to feel a sense of loss when leaving behind something familiar, but it is also important to embrace new opportunities and experiences. Megan and Rob demonstrated this sentiment through the discussion of their upcoming transition. As they move on to new roles and new experiences, they will undoubtedly continue to inspire their listeners to embrace change and look forward to the future.

Stay connected and be conversational.

Throughout season 1 of the podcast, Megan and Rob emphasized the importance of staying connected and being conversational. As therapists, it can be easy to feel isolated and disconnected from others, especially when working with clients all day. However, Megan and Rob recognized the value of connecting with others in their field and in their personal lives.

By staying connected, therapists can sharpen their skills and learn from others’ experiences. Megan and Rob highlighted the benefits of interacting with colleagues and friends, whether through professional associations or casual conversations. These connections can help therapists feel less isolated and more supported in their work.

In addition to staying connected, Megan and Rob emphasized the importance of being conversational in their approach to therapy. Rather than relying solely on clinical techniques and jargon, they sought to create a warm and inviting environment for their clients. By being conversational, therapists can build rapport with their clients and create a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings.

This conversational approach was also evident in the podcast episodes. Megan and Rob engaged in casual, yet informative conversations about a variety of topics related to mental health and therapy. By adopting this approach, they were able to connect with their listeners and make complex topics more accessible.

As Megan and Rob move on to new endeavors, they will undoubtedly carry these values with them. By staying connected and being conversational, they can continue to make a positive impact on their clients and the broader mental health community. Their podcast serves as a reminder of the importance of these values and the power of connection and conversation.

The team at Mindfulness Center shares vulnerability.

The podcast episode centers around the upcoming season, which will focus on introducing the team at the Mindfulness Center. Megan and Rob plan to record conversations with each team member, allowing listeners to hear from them and potentially see them on video. The goal is to expand curiosity and learning among listeners by sharing each therapist’s unique approach and experience with therapy.

As mentioned, vulnerability is important in creating a safe and supportive environment. By being vulnerable themselves, they hope to encourage others to do the same. This vulnerability has allowed for natural compatibility and understanding between team members, much like playing doubles in tennis. It has also allowed for flexibility and growth among therapists, as they are encouraged to make their practice their own.

Megan started the group practice did so with the intention of using the synergy of the group to help everyone succeed. It was never about making herself look good, but rather supporting each therapist in doing what they do best. By taking care of the business side of things, she allows her team to focus on therapy with their clients. This support and trust among team members is evident in the way they speak about each other and their abilities.

The importance of vulnerability and connection cannot be overstated in the mental health field. Clients need to feel safe and supported in order to open up and make progress in therapy. By modeling vulnerability and creating a supportive environment among team members, the mindfulness center is setting a positive example for the broader mental health community. As Megan and Rob move on to new endeavors, they will carry these values with them and continue to make a positive impact.

How vulnerability, intuition, and support create connections.

In the podcast, Megan and Rob discuss the importance of realness, intuition, and support in creating a connection between therapists and clients. They emphasize:

  • The value of being authentic and not striving for perfection- this approach allows clients to feel comfortable and supported, which is crucial for effective therapy.
  • Intuition in therapy- when therapists are comfortable in their own skin and understand their strengths and weaknesses, they can better connect with clients on an intuitive level. This connection allows for deeper understanding and empathy, which is essential for creating a safe and supportive therapeutic environment.
  • Create a nice environment for clients- clients come to therapy to feel better and creating a calming and supportive environment can help them achieve this goal. This includes intentional office design, the language used on the website, and the overall vibe of the practice.

The episode emphasizes the importance of vulnerability, intuition, and support to create connections in therapy. By creating a supportive and authentic environment, therapists can help clients feel safe and supported, which is essential for effective therapy. These values are crucial not just for the Mindfulness Center, but for the broader mental health community as well. As Megan and Rob move on to new endeavors, they will carry these values with them and continue to make a positive impact.

Own who you are.

One of the key messages of the podcast is the importance of owning who you are. This means being true to yourself, embracing your quirks and idiosyncrasies, and not worrying about what others may think. Megan and Rob discuss how this applies not just to their own lives, but also to their work as therapists.

For example, Megan talks about how she used to feel pressure to conform to certain expectations in her therapy practice. She worried about being seen as “weird” or “out there” if she didn’t follow the traditional clinical model. However, she eventually realized that by embracing her own style and personality, she could actually be more effective as a therapist. Clients respond better when they feel that their therapist is authentic and genuine, rather than just following a script.

Megan also discusses how she had to set boundaries in her practice, such as not seeing couples anymore. While she was initially hesitant to do this, she ultimately found that it allowed her to focus on the clients she was most passionate about working with. By owning her own preferences and needs, she was able to provide better care for her clients.

The concept of owning who you are extends beyond just therapy, of course. It’s a message that can apply to all areas of life. By being true to ourselves, we can build stronger relationships, make more meaningful contributions to our communities, and find greater fulfillment in our work and personal lives.

However, it’s not always easy to own who you are. There may be societal pressures or personal insecurities that make us feel like we need to conform or hide certain aspects of ourselves. It takes courage and vulnerability to be open and honest about who we are, especially in a world that can be judgmental and critical.

When we feel safe and supported, we are more likely to be ourselves and embrace our true identities. This can lead to greater happiness, confidence, and success.

In conclusion, the podcast’s message of owning who you are is a powerful one. By embracing our own unique qualities and being true to ourselves, we can live more fulfilling and authentic lives. This message is especially important in therapy, where clients need to feel safe and supported in order to make progress. By creating a supportive and authentic environment, therapists can help clients own who they are and find greater happiness and fulfillment.

How to show up differently to see change.

  • Take responsibility for our own actions and emotions– this means being mindful of our thoughts and feelings and taking steps to improve ourselves.
  • Being true to ourselves– embrace our unique qualities and perspectives and not be afraid to be different. By doing so, we can attract like-minded people who share our values and beliefs.

We all face challenges and struggles, but by showing up differently, we can overcome them and find greater happiness and fulfillment. This means being open to new perspectives, taking risks, and being willing to learn and grow.

Gratitude shifts negative mindset.

One of the most effective ways to shift from a negative mindset to a positive one is through gratitude. By focusing on the things we are grateful for, no matter how small they may seem, we can shift our perspective and find joy in the present moment.

You can do a simple exercise of writing thank you notes to people we appreciate. This act of gratitude not only benefits the recipient but also has a ripple effect on our own emotional state. By expressing gratitude, we create a positive energy that can spread to others.

Gratitude is a powerful tool for shifting our mindset because it helps us focus on the positive aspects of our lives. It can be easy to get caught up in negative thinking, especially during challenging times. However, by intentionally focusing on the good things in our lives, we can train our minds to see the positive instead of the negative.

In addition to its emotional benefits, gratitude has been shown to have physical health benefits as well. Studies have found that practicing gratitude can improve sleep quality, reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, and even boost the immune system.

Overall, the podcast’s message of gratitude is a powerful one. By focusing on the things we are grateful for, we can shift our mindset and find greater happiness and fulfillment in our lives. Whether it’s through writing thank you notes or simply taking a few moments each day to reflect on what we are grateful for, incorporating gratitude into our daily lives can have a profound impact on our well-being.

 

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE SHIFTING OUR SH!T PODCAST

 

Self-Compassion, compassion, anxiety

Finding Peace and Joy in Everyday Life

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What would it take for you to feel more peace and joy in your life?

Perhaps a whole life overhaul? Perhaps not.

Someone asked me recently how to be less judgemental and negative. I gave her a few options to experiment with. Maybe they’ll be helpful for you too!

  1. Focus on all the things you can be thankful for – even if they seem small. Having a roof over your head, food in your belly, a car that runs. Find a handful of gratitudes every day. If they’re the same ones for a bit, that’s ok too. Perhaps with time, you can see more.
  2. Surround yourself with sensory things that feel good. For example, drink your favorite tea or coffee, wear your favorite shirt or shoes, burn that candle that smells divine, listen to your favorite songs, and surround yourself with your favorite colors. It seems trivial, yet it’s not!
  3. Use more adjectives to describe things, people, and events. See things from many angles. Instead of seeing things or people or situations in black/white terms (good/bad, right/wrong, etc.), use more descriptive adjectives to describe these things. Instead of a situation just being horrible and awful, perhaps it was also hard, taxing, and exhausting, and maybe there were some things to be learned from it.

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