Boundaries are Essential for Self-Care

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Boundaries are essential for self-care

Boundaries are essential for self-care. This is a statement that holds true in all aspects of our lives, whether it be in our personal relationships, work environments, or even within ourselves. Boundaries are the limits and guidelines we set for ourselves and others to ensure that our needs, values, and well-being are respected and protected.
Megan Bayless-Bartley, introduces the topic of boundaries by addressing the feeling of being stuck or unfulfilled in life. She acknowledges that it is normal to reassess what is working and what is not at midlife. This is an important realization because it highlights the need for boundaries as a means to reclaim our time, energy, and joy.
Elizabeth McCormick, a boundaries expert, emphasizes the importance of boundaries by stating that it is what she does all day. She further explains that boundaries require both offense and defense, just like in the game Sequence. This analogy highlights the proactive and protective nature of boundaries. They are not just about setting limits, but also about preventing others from crossing them.
Megan and Elizabeth also touch on the challenges of maintaining boundaries, especially during the holiday season. This is a time when we may be required to spend time and energy around people or in situations that may test our boundaries. It is crucial to have clear boundaries in place to protect our mental and emotional well-being.
The comparison between boundaries and the game of Jenga further reinforces the idea that boundaries require delicacy and balance. Just like removing blocks in Jenga, setting and maintaining boundaries requires careful consideration and thoughtfulness. It is about finding the right balance between asserting ourselves and respecting the needs and boundaries of others.
Boundaries are not selfish or restrictive; they are a form of self-care. They allow us to prioritize our own well-being and ensure that we are not constantly sacrificing ourselves for the sake of others. By setting boundaries, we create a space for self-care, self-respect, and personal growth. We give ourselves permission to say no when necessary, to protect our time and energy, and to establish healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Setting boundaries is self-protection

Setting boundaries is self-protection. This holds true in various aspects of our lives, whether it be in our personal relationships, professional environments, or even within ourselves. Boundaries act as a safeguard, ensuring that we prioritize our own well-being and establish healthy boundaries with others.
Boundaries are described as limits or lines that mark the extent of an area or subject. However, boundaries extend beyond physical spaces and also encompass emotional boundaries. These emotional boundaries are crucial in understanding where we end and others begin in terms of our thoughts, feelings, and energy.
Megan uses the analogy of a yard to explain the concept of boundaries. Just as we have clear boundaries that define our physical space, we also need emotional boundaries to protect ourselves. These emotional boundaries allow us to have a sense of self-awareness and identify our own feelings. Without this self-awareness, we may find ourselves constantly influenced by the energy and emotions of others, leading to a lack of personal boundaries.
Setting boundaries is a form of self-protection. Boundaries serve as a means to establish what is acceptable and what is not for ourselves. By clearly defining our limits, we can create a space where we feel safe, respected, and valued. This self-protection extends to our emotional well-being, ensuring that we do not allow others to manipulate or exploit our emotions.
Setting boundaries is not only about protecting ourselves but also about fostering healthy relationships. When we have clear boundaries, we can communicate our needs, desires, and limits to others. This open communication allows for mutual understanding and respect, strengthening the foundation of any relationship. Boundaries also prevent us from overextending ourselves or sacrificing our own well-being for the sake of others.
In a society where we are often taught to prioritize the feelings and needs of others, setting boundaries can be seen as selfish or confrontational. However, Megan challenges this notion by highlighting that it is our responsibility to take care of ourselves. By prioritizing our own well-being and setting boundaries, we create space for growth, self-discovery, and personal fulfillment.

Self-awareness is key for communication

Self-awareness is key for communication. The ability to recognize and understand our own feelings and desires is essential for effective communication and building healthy relationships. In a world filled with constant sensory input and distractions, it is easy to lose touch with our own needs and emotions. However, by taking the time to check in with ourselves and ask what we need in each moment, we can better understand our own desires and communicate them effectively to others.
The concept of self-awareness is further explored through the idea of emotional boundaries. Megan and Elizabeth discuss how emotional boundaries involve assessing what we need in a given situation and how we will show up. This requires us to regulate ourselves based on our own needs and emotions, rather than being solely influenced by how others are showing up. By being aware of our own emotions and needs, we can navigate social situations more effectively and respond in a way that aligns with our own well-being.
They also touch on the importance of feeling identification and being able to articulate how we feel in different spaces. This level of self-awareness allows us to better understand ourselves and communicate our needs to others. It also enables us to have more productive and meaningful conversations, as we can express ourselves authentically and seek understanding from others.

Hold space for others’ feelings.

“Holding space for others’ feelings” is a concept that emphasizes the importance of creating a safe and non-judgmental environment for individuals to express their emotions and thoughts. It involves actively listening to others without interrupting or imposing our own opinions and judgments on them. This practice requires self-awareness, empathy, and the ability to regulate our own emotions.
They discuss the idea of observing and slowing down in order to hold space for others’ feelings. They emphasize the importance of mindfulness, which involves noticing and acknowledging our own emotions and reactions without attaching judgment to them. By practicing mindfulness, we can create a space where others feel heard and validated, allowing them to freely express themselves without fear of judgment or criticism.
One aspect of holding space for others’ feelings is co-regulation. This involves being a non-anxious presence and providing support to others in times of distress. Instead of trying to control or fix their emotions, we can simply be there for them, offering empathy and understanding. This approach is particularly effective with children, as it allows them to feel safe and supported, helping them to regulate their emotions more effectively.
Megan and Elizabeth also discuss the importance of curiosity in holding space for others’ feelings. By being curious, we can seek clarification and understanding, rather than jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. Curiosity allows us to approach conversations with an open mind, fostering deeper connections and reducing misunderstandings. It also encourages us to ask questions and actively listen, demonstrating our genuine interest in others’ experiences and perspectives.

 

Listen to Season 3, Episode 2 (Part 1) HERE!

More about Elizabeth McCormack HERE!

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What Therapists Say About Their Own Therapy

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Therapists benefit from therapy.

Therapy is often seen as a tool to help individuals navigate through challenging times in their lives, but it is not just for clients. Therapists themselves can greatly benefit from therapy as well. Megan Bayles Bartley and Bridgette Allen discuss their personal experiences with therapy and how it has positively impacted their lives.

Therapist Bridgette Allen shares her own journey with therapy, starting in adulthood. She explains that something unexpected happened in her life, leaving her feeling lost and confused. Her husband was proactive in seeking help for her, and she was able to connect with a therapist friend who helped her find the right therapist for her needs.

Bridgette’s first therapy session was with a therapist who was not specialized in her particular issue. Initially, she felt disappointed, thinking that she had scared away the therapist. However, the therapist recommended another therapist who had experience in the area Bridgette needed help with. Bridgette took a leap of faith and met with this therapist, who made her feel welcome and comfortable.

Through therapy, Bridgette was able to see things in her life differently than she had before. It was like discovering that the sky was not just blue, but different shades of blue. This shift in perspective gave her strength and a newfound sense of worth. Bridgette emphasizes that therapy helped her see the beauty of life and the joy of always learning and growing.

Bridgette’s positive experience with therapy led her to consider pursuing a career in the field. Initially, she wondered if her own therapy experience would make her unfit for the role of a therapist. However, she soon realized that her personal experience with therapy was actually an advantage. It allowed her to empathize with her clients and understand the transformative power of therapy.

Just like anyone else, therapists can face challenges and struggles in their lives that can benefit from professional help. By going through therapy themselves, therapists gain valuable insights and tools that can enhance their ability to help their clients.

Therapists benefit from therapy in several ways. First, it allows them to gain a deeper understanding of the therapeutic process from the client’s perspective. This firsthand experience helps therapists develop empathy and compassion, which are crucial qualities in their profession. Second, therapy helps therapists identify and address any personal issues or biases that may impact their work with clients. By working through their own challenges, therapists can become more self-aware and better equipped to assist others.

Learning from clients is essential.

Learning from clients is essential for therapists. It is through their interactions with clients that therapists gain valuable insights, develop empathy, address personal issues, and practice self-care. Therapy is not only a tool for helping clients, but also a means for therapists to grow both personally and professionally.

One of the main benefits of learning from clients is gaining personal insights. Through their work with clients, therapists are exposed to a wide range of experiences, perspectives, and emotions. This exposure allows therapists to gain a deeper understanding of human behavior and the complexities of the human mind. By witnessing the struggles and triumphs of their clients, therapists can reflect on their own lives and gain insights into their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This self-reflection can lead to personal growth and a greater understanding of oneself.

Embrace growth through challenging relationships.

Embracing growth through challenging relationships is a key aspect of personal development and self-improvement. This concept is explored when Megan and Bridgette te te discuss their experiences working with clients, particularly those who possess Type A personalities. The speakers initially express apprehension and intimidation when working with such clients, but eventually come to appreciate the growth and learning opportunities that arise from these challenging relationships.

They acknowledge that working with Type A clients allows them to expand their own understanding of themselves and their capabilities. They learn to navigate the intense energy and high expectations of these clients, ultimately finding that they can thrive in such environments. This growth is attributed to the safe space created by the therapist, where clients feel comfortable and open to receiving guidance and support.

They also highlight the vulnerability that comes with seeking help and acknowledging that one cannot do everything themselves. They emphasize the importance of seeking outside perspectives and new ways of thinking to overcome roadblocks and initiate personal growth. By engaging with therapists, clients are able to hear their own thoughts and experiences reflected back to them, often in a new and enlightening way. This external perspective can provide the necessary insight and motivation for clients to make positive changes in their lives.

The discussion also touches on the benefits of therapy for couples. The therapists acknowledge that couples often come to therapy with the expectation that their partner needs to change. However, they encourage couples to shift their focus to their own behaviors and perspectives, recognizing that even small changes in themselves can have a significant impact on the relationship. By taking responsibility for their own growth and development, couples can create a positive ripple effect that influences their partner’s behavior and the overall dynamics of the relationship.

 

CLICK HERE to listen to this episode!

Learn more about Bridgette HERE!

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Meet Relationship Expert, Bridgette Allen, LMFT!

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The Impact of Therapy on Parenting

Bridget Allen, LMFT, is a therapist who brings positivity and extroversion to her work. She has a unique perspective on reassessing midlife and finding fulfillment. Megan asks Bridget about her favorite song that represents the day, and she mentions “Walking on Sunshine,” a song that often pops up for her. This choice reflects her positive outlook and serves as a reminder to find joy even on challenging days.

Bridget shares her background, growing up in Salmon, Idaho, and later moving to Pocatello. She mentions struggling in school due to difficulty maintaining attention, but also expresses her love for people and dancing. She recalls feeling limited by the idea of only meeting a small part of the population, which contrasts with her current profession as a therapist, where she gets to know and help numerous individuals.

Megan inquires about Bridget’s journey to becoming a therapist, and she reveals that she initially worked in retail management. It wasn’t until her son started experiencing difficulties in school that she sought therapy for him and realized that she identified with many of the issues he was facing. This experience opened her eyes to the field of therapy and ultimately led her to pursue it as a career. Bridget’s personal journey serves as an example of how unexpected events can lead to new paths and opportunities for growth and fulfillment.

Reassessing midlife for fulfillment is a normal and necessary process. Megan emphasizes the importance of taking the time to reflect, make changes, and seek joy and fulfillment in the second half of life. Bridget’s personal journey illustrates how unexpected experiences can lead to new opportunities and a sense of purpose.

Insightful therapy experiences shape careers.

Insightful therapy experiences can have a profound impact on individuals and shape their careers. 

Bridget mentions working with a therapist who provided valuable insight, not only for her child but also for her as a parent. This experience highlights the transformative power of therapy in gaining a deeper understanding of oneself and others. It also emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and seeking guidance when navigating complex familial dynamics.

For Megan, her decision to pursue a master’s degree and become a therapist was influenced by their own struggles with focus and attention. Through therapy and medication, she discovered a love for reading and studying, which ultimately led her to pursue a career in therapy. 

The women also touch on the importance of therapists seeking therapy themselves. While their programs did not require therapy as a part of their training, they acknowledge the value of having someone solely focused on them for 50 minutes. This experience provides a different level of insight and self-reflection, enabling therapists to better understand themselves and their clients.

When discussing the type of clients they enjoy working with, Megan and Bridget highlight the importance of helping individuals who have achieved success in various areas of their lives but struggle with specific aspects, such as relationships. These clients energize them because they are willing to examine their own parts and work towards growth. 

Patterns in relationships, childhood dynamics.

One of the main things discussed is patterns in relationships and how they are influenced by childhood dynamics. They acknowledge that people often choose partners who are different from them, but also highlight the tendency to unconsciously seek out individuals who resemble certain aspects of their parents or caregivers.

Individuals may be drawn to partners who possess qualities that they either admire or wish to change in their own parents. This can lead to a repetition of certain dynamics or behaviors from childhood, as individuals unconsciously recreate familiar patterns in their adult relationships. For example, someone who grew up with a parent who was emotionally unavailable may find themselves attracted to partners who display similar traits.

They also emphasize the role of self-awareness in breaking these patterns. By recognizing the similarities between their current partner and their parents, individuals can gain insight into their own behaviors and reactions within the relationship. This self-awareness allows them to challenge and change these patterns, ultimately leading to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Childhood dynamics are seen as a significant factor in shaping relationship patterns. They acknowledge that the family dynamic in which individuals grow up is the only one they have to reference, which can limit their ability to envision and seek out healthier dynamics in their adult relationships. However, therapy can help individuals expand their understanding of what is possible in relationships and provide them with tools to create the relationships they desire.

Therapy is portrayed as a valuable resource for exploring and understanding these patterns. Bridget mentions that therapy can provide a safe space for individuals to reflect on their childhood experiences and how they may be influencing their current relationships. By gaining insight into these dynamics, individuals can work towards breaking negative patterns and developing healthier ways of relating to others.

Listen to this Episode of the S.O.S. Podcast HERE!

Find out more about Bridgette Allen, LMFT HERE!

Couples Therapy & Sexual Intimacy

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Therapy experiences and their importance.

Therapy is a process that involves seeking professional help to address and resolve personal issues, emotional struggles, and mental health challenges. It provides individuals with a safe and supportive space to explore their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and work towards personal growth and healing. 

Many individuals reach a point in their lives where they question whether they have achieved all they set out to do and if they feel fulfilled. This feeling of stagnation or dissatisfaction is common during midlife, prompting individuals to reassess what is working for them and what is not. Therapy is a means to reclaim one’s time, energy, and joy, and make the most out of the second half of life.

Rob Giltner, shares his own experience with therapy. Rob reveals that his first encounter with therapy was forced upon him by his parents when he was around 10 to 12 years old. While the details are hazy, he acknowledges that his early therapy experiences were not positive. This negative experience has led him to develop a pet peeve when clients share their own negative experiences with therapy. He emphasizes the importance of finding the right fit with a therapist and encourages clients to seek a new therapist if they are not comfortable or satisfied with their current one.

The conversation then delves into the role of parents in determining whether a child needs therapy. Both Megan and Rob agree that parents might not force their children into therapy unless there are clear signs of negative behavior or emotional struggles. They emphasize the importance of open communication and support within the family, as parents can often play a significant role in addressing their child’s issues without the need for professional intervention.

Rob also highlights the privilege of being surrounded by therapists in his professional life. He mentions the benefit of having supervisors who are therapists, as they provide guidance and support that can be personally transformative. Additionally, he acknowledges the therapeutic nature of the relationships within their own therapy center, where compassion, honesty, and authenticity are valued. The creation of a positive and supportive environment among therapists contributes to their overall well-being and enhances the quality of care they provide to their clients.

Communication and compromise in relationships.

We know the importance of finding a therapist who is helpful and supportive. Rob shares that he eventually found a therapist who was beneficial to him, but he only sees them sparingly. He also mentions the positive influence of being around the mindfulness center, which rubs off on him and provides additional support.

There is great importance in having a support system during challenging seasons of life. Seeking premarital therapy before getting married, can help couples navigate potential issues and strengthen their relationship. Megan discusses libido in relationships. They share a story they heard about a priest telling a wife that she should have sex whenever her husband wants, due to his higher libido. This story horrifies them, and they express their disagreement with such a perspective. They then delve into a discussion about how to navigate differences in libido within a relationship.

They highlight the importance of open communication and being able to talk about difficult topics such as libido. They acknowledge that discussing sex can sometimes be taboo in relationships, but it is crucial to address these issues. They mention the need for both partners to be able to share their needs and wants, while also being open to accepting their partner’s influence. They emphasize the importance of teamwork and compromise in finding solutions that work for both individuals in the relationship.

Sexual intimacy changes over time.

Sexual intimacy is a crucial aspect of any romantic relationship, but it is not static and unchanging. Sexual intimacy changes over time. Megan and Rob discuss the normalcy of couples having different libidos, as they are two separate individuals with different experiences and needs. It is natural for sexual intimacy to evolve and shift as the relationship progresses and as individuals go through different stages of life.

They mention that early on in a relationship, couples tend to be more sexually intimate. This can be attributed to the excitement and curiosity that comes with a new partnership. There is a dopamine rush and a sense of investment in getting to know each other. Megan and Rob emphasize the importance of curiosity in a relationship, as it fosters exploration and the creation of shared meaning. Trying new things and stepping out of one’s comfort zone together can strengthen the bond between partners.

However, as time goes on and life’s stressors and responsibilities increase, sexual intimacy may change. They mention factors such as having children or work demands that can shift the focus away from sexual intimacy. Stress can affect performance, and the need for safety and emotional vulnerability can also impact a couple’s ability to be sexually intimate. They describe sexual intimacy as fragile, vulnerable, and delicate, requiring caution and care.

It is important to note that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to a healthy sex life in a relationship. What works for one couple may not work for another. They caution against comparing oneself to societal expectations or rigid standards set by popular culture. They stress the need for couples to define their own normalcy and determine what constitutes a healthy sex life for their specific relationship. This requires open and honest communication between partners.

Discussing sex can be challenging and uncomfortable for many couples. However, they highlight the value of being open and honest with each other, especially for therapists who understand the importance of addressing sexual intimacy in relationships. They emphasize that the brain is the largest sex organ, and how individuals think and feel about sex can greatly impact their sexual experiences. Hormonal changes, such as menopause or aging, can also affect sexual intimacy.

Couples therapy for healing and growth.

Couples therapy is a valuable tool for healing and growth within relationships. The work that is involved in couples therapy and the benefits that can be gained from it are huge. There are many accomplishments that can be achieved through couples therapy,  it is not a one-size-fits-all approach and may not be suitable for every couple.

Some couples may only need therapy for maintenance purposes, where they can discuss their concerns and leave with clarity. However, the focus of this particular therapy is on couples who have experienced significant loss, struggle with communication, or feel disconnected from each other. This therapy aims to help couples reconnect, repair their relationship, and heal from past wounds.

Couples therapy is collaborative in nature. The therapist works closely with the couple to develop a plan that aligns with their specific needs and goals. This collaborative approach ensures that the therapy is tailored to the couple’s unique circumstances and challenges.

Just as one exercises their body at the gym, couples are encouraged to practice their communication skills and relationship-building exercises outside of therapy. This practice helps to reinforce the skills learned in therapy and allows couples to make progress in their relationship.

Accountability is another important aspect of couples therapy. Some couples may need external accountability to stay on track with their goals and commitments. The therapist provides this accountability and helps the couple set measurable goals to track their progress. If the goals are not being met, the therapist helps the couple explore the reasons behind it and find alternative approaches.

While the work involved in couples therapy may sound stern and rigid, the therapist assures that it is also soft, comforting, and healing. The therapy incorporates art, music, metaphor, and other creative approaches to make the process more engaging and effective. The therapist places a strong emphasis on creating a comfortable and safe environment for all participants, ensuring that everyone feels heard, seen, respected, and loved.

Listen to this Episode HERE!

Learn more about Rob HERE!

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Meet Couples Therapy Expert Rob Giltner, LMFT!

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In Shifting Our Shit (SOS) Podcast Season 2, Episode 8, Rob Giltner’s passion for couples is evident as he discusses his work as a therapist. Rob’s interest in couples therapy stems from his personal experiences and natural inclination towards being a “feeler.” His ability to understand and navigate powerful emotions makes him well-suited for helping couples navigate their own emotional landscapes. This empathy and understanding are crucial in creating a safe and supportive environment for couples to explore their relationship dynamics.

 

Rob’s journey to becoming a therapist started with his recognition of the mindful perspective and the importance of relationships. As he grew older, he developed a deeper understanding of emotions and their impact on individuals and their relationships. This understanding likely fueled his desire to pursue a career in therapy and help couples build healthier, more fulfilling connections.

 

Being a male therapist in a field often dominated by women is noteworthy, as it brings a unique perspective and representation to couples seeking therapy. Rob’s ability to connect with both male and female clients is a valuable asset, as it allows him to address the needs and concerns of both partners in a relationship. His presence in the field challenges stereotypes and promotes inclusivity, making therapy more accessible and relatable for all couples.

 

Rob’s passion for couples is further highlighted by his commitment to prioritizing social health and fostering connections among individuals. He recognizes the challenges of maintaining social relationships as one grows older and believes in the importance of creating opportunities for people to come together. This dedication to building community and supporting social well-being extends beyond his therapy practice and demonstrates his genuine care for the well-being of couples and individuals alike.

 

Passion for working with couples.

From the beginning of the episode, Rob mentions his ability to connect with emotions and suggests that he has a natural affinity for understanding and empathizing with others. This sensitivity likely plays a significant role in his ability to connect with couples and help them navigate their relationship challenges.

 

Rob emphasizes the importance of relationships in his own life, including family, friends, and romantic partnerships. He recognizes the value of these connections and the impact they have on personal growth and well-being. This recognition likely fuels his passion for working with couples, as he understands the transformative power that healthy and fulfilling relationships can have on individuals and their overall happiness.

 

Rob’s interest in relationships deepened during college when he took a class on the subject. This experience sparked a desire to learn more and led him to seek out additional resources, such as reading and watching videos. This eagerness to expand his knowledge and understanding of relationships demonstrates his dedication to his craft and his commitment to providing the best possible support to couples.

 

Rob’s parents played a significant role in supporting his passion for working with couples. They connected him with couples therapists they knew, highlighting their belief in his abilities and potential in this field. This support likely reinforced his passion and provided him with valuable insights and experiences that shaped his approach to therapy.

 

Rob’s decision to pursue graduate school immediately after completing his undergraduate degree further exemplifies his dedication to his chosen path. He did not hesitate to continue his education and further develop his skills and knowledge in couples therapy. This commitment to continuous learning and growth is essential in a field that requires therapists to stay up-to-date with the latest research and therapeutic techniques.

 

When asked about his specific interest in working with couples, Rob admits that it was not something he initially considered during college. However, upon entering seminary, he quickly realized that couples therapy was his true calling. While he acknowledges that his skills and expertise have expanded to include individual work, his passion for couples remains unwavering. He describes couples therapy as his “jam” and something he thinks about in his spare time. This level of enthusiasm and dedication is a testament to his genuine passion for helping couples build healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

 

Rob’s ability to connect with couples and ease their concerns is evident in his approach to therapy. He compares therapy to getting an oil change in a car, emphasizing the importance of regular maintenance and addressing wear and tear in relationships. By using this analogy, he normalizes the idea of seeking therapy and encourages couples to see it as a proactive step towards maintaining a healthy and thriving relationship. This approach helps to alleviate any fears or stigmas associated with therapy and fosters a sense of hope and possibility for couples seeking support.

 

Relationships are complex and rewarding.

Relationships are complex and rewarding. Rob discusses the intricacies of relationships and the challenges that individuals face when navigating them. He highlights the importance of recognizing the individuality of each person within a relationship and how this can contribute to the complexity of the dynamic.

 

Rob emphasizes that relationships involve multiple variables and that these variables can greatly impact the overall health and success of the relationship. He acknowledges that relationship stress can have a significant impact on other areas of our lives and emphasizes the importance of protecting and repairing these connections.

 

One aspect of relationships that Rob finds particularly intriguing is the puzzle-like nature of working with couples. He describes the process of therapy as a collaborative effort, where he acts as a guide rather than pushing individuals in a specific direction. He enjoys the challenge of helping couples navigate through the maze of their relationship, finding solutions and resolutions together. This process can be both present and empathetic, as well as intellectually stimulating, as he works with couples to solve the puzzle of their relationship.

 

While therapy can often involve heavy and difficult topics, Rob finds great joy in witnessing couples overcome challenges and find their way out of the maze. He describes this process as euphoric, relieving, and hopeful. It is a moment of triumph and growth for the individuals involved and a testament to the resilience of their relationship.

 

Rob also introduces a spirituality component to his work, acknowledging that there is often a sense of sacredness and intimacy in the vulnerability that couples bring to therapy. He values the perspective of spirituality and recognizes that it can play a significant role in the healing and growth of relationships. He encourages couples to explore this aspect if it resonates with them, but also acknowledges that spirituality can take many forms and can be unique to each individual.

 

Listen to this Episode HERE!

Learn more about Rob HERE!

Meet Anxiety Expert, Jennifer Komis, LMFT!

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Jennifer Komis is a marriage and family therapist who specializes in anxiety and panic disorders. She is also passionate about pet-assisted therapy and works for the Humane Society. Jennifer grew up in Wisconsin and Kentucky, and she got into therapy due to her personal experiences and the influence of her therapists.

Jennifer pursued both a Master of Divinity and a Master of Family Therapy at Presbyterian Seminary. Initially, her focus was on the Master of Divinity because she wanted to work within spiritual communities to advocate for animal welfare. She quickly realized that becoming a therapist would be a more nuanced way to help people. She changed her focus to the Master of Family Therapy while maintaining the Master of Divinity to be able to speak the language of the people she would be assisting.

Jennifer’s interest in animals has always been present, and she has always had cats as pets. She is deeply passionate about pet-assisted therapy and believes in the healing power of animals. In addition to her work as a therapist, Jennifer also works for the Humane Society as a director of marketing. Through her work, she strives to ensure that animals are cared for internationally.

Jennifer’s love for animals and her belief in the power of therapy led her to combine her interests in spirituality and counseling. She is dedicated to helping individuals who may have been hurt or are struggling with deeper meaning in their lives. Jennifer’s goal is not to provide all the answers but to be a supportive presence and help her clients explore their own answers.

Slowing down reduces anxiety.

Jennifer Komis discusses her journey into the world of animal shelters and how it led her to want to make a difference. She emphasizes the need for awareness of the needs that animals in Kentucky have and the importance of mobilizing community members to help. Jennifer and her family and friends started volunteering for a local animal foundation, and they have since fostered cats, kittens, and dogs. This experience has been inspirational for Jennifer, as she has witnessed the resilience and adaptability of these animals, which has taught her a lot.

Jennifer is passionate about the topic of anxiety and panic disorders. Jennifer has written a series of blogs on anxiety and expresses her desire to communicate important information about anxiety to the general public. There is the misconception that a person’s life needs to be constantly in motion and filled with high expectations in order to be successful. Jennifer wishes to convey that there is an alternative, slower path that can lead to a better and more mindful way of living. Slowing down can actually optimize one’s functioning and diminish anxiety. This countercultural message challenges the notion that faster is always better.

Jennifer knows that slowing down allows individuals to respond rather than react in their lives, which can lead to personal growth and fulfillment. She believes that this message is valuable for her clients at The Mindfulness Center, as it helps them become their best selves in various aspects of their lives, such as their careers and family relationships. Jennifer emphasizes that faster is not always better and hopes to convey this message through her blogs.

Jennifer also touches on the importance of self-awareness and being mindful of one’s own desires and boundaries. Instead of constantly feeling the need to do things out of obligation or pressure, Jennifer encourages individuals to take a step back and evaluate whether they truly want to engage in certain activities. By doing so, individuals can gain clarity and make choices that align with their own values and preferences, reducing feelings of anxiety and overwhelm.

Rest is resistance, chronic illness.

One of the key themes that Jennifer Komis explores is the concept of rest as resistance. In a society that values productivity and constant activity, taking time to rest and recharge can be seen as a form of resistance against the pressures of capitalism. Komis argues that rest is not only necessary for our physical and mental well-being, but it is also a way to push back against societal expectations and prioritize our own needs.

Komis points out that our bodies often send us signals when we are not taking enough time to rest. Chronic headaches, stomach aches, and other psychosomatic symptoms can be a result of holding onto stress and not giving ourselves the opportunity to slow down. By paying attention to these signals and listening to our bodies, we can begin to understand what they are trying to tell us. Perhaps our body is urging us to slow down and take a break, to prioritize self-care and rest.

The idea of rest as resistance is particularly relevant in a capitalist society that values constant productivity and hustle. Komis highlights the importance of recognizing that we need periods of rest and rejuvenation in order to function at our best. Just as nature follows cycles of rest and growth, so too could we. In fall and winter, before the spring and summer of productivity, we could take the time to rest and recharge. Similarly, in a 24-hour period, we have the nighttime for sleep and rejuvenation. These natural cycles remind us that rest is an essential part of life.

As individuals reach their 40s, Komis suggests that they often experience a shift in mindset. Referred to as the “fuck it 40s,” this stage is characterized by a desire to prioritize one’s own well-being and do what is best for oneself. After years of grinding and pushing through, individuals reach a point where they realize that the current way of life is no longer working for them. This is a natural progression towards recognizing the importance of rest and self-care.

Komis also touches on the topic of chronic illness, which many individuals at The Mindfulness Center have experienced. She acknowledges that the cultural pressure to constantly be active and productive can contribute to chronic illness. By not allowing ourselves to rest and recover, we put our bodies under immense stress, which can lead to physical and mental health issues. Komis and her colleagues at The Mindfulness Center have personally dealt with chronic illness and have found healing through mindfulness and self-care practices.

Listen to this SOS Podcast Episode HERE!

Find out more about Jennifer HERE!

Anxiety Expert Jennifer Komis Shares Her Therapy Journey

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Mindful living improves mental health.

Mindful living improves mental health. Jennifer discusses the impact of anxiety and chronic illness on the body. Jennifer shares her personal experience with Lyme disease and how it led her to adopt a more mindful approach to life.

Before being diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2018, Jennifer was constantly on the go, prioritizing productivity over rest and self-care. She rarely allowed her body to rest or heal, always pushing herself to do more. However, her experience with chronic illness taught her the importance of rest and self-care. She realized that her constant forward motion was contributing to her symptoms.

Jennifer emphasizes the significance of living mindfully to decrease anxiety and improve overall health. By adopting a more mindful approach, she now exercises less, eats healthier, and prioritizes sleep. Surprisingly, she finds that she is physically healthier despite doing less. This serves as a powerful reminder that taking care of your mental and emotional well-being can have a positive impact on your physical health.

Societal pressures contribute to stress and anxiety. The societal expectation to work out intensely, eat super healthy, and constantly push oneself is constantly having us on the go. There is great importance in finding moderation and not beating oneself up for indulging in treats or missing a workout. Optimal health and well-being don’t need to be solely focused on physical achievements but could also consider mental and emotional well-being.

She discusses how she was not believed by doctors and had to seek alternative treatments. She knows the challenges individuals with chronic illnesses face when searching for the right healthcare providers who will listen and provide appropriate treatment. Jennifer echoes this sentiment, emphasizing the need for support and validation from physicians and researchers.

They shed light on the importance of mindful living for mental health and emphasize the need to prioritize rest, self-care, and moderation in daily life. By practicing mindfulness, individuals can reduce anxiety and improve their overall well-being. 

Open-mindedness in healthcare choices.

One aspect of mindful living is the importance of being open-minded when it comes to healthcare choices. We discuss our own experiences with functional medicine and how we find it fascinating. There is a need for healthcare providers who have an open mind and are willing to explore different approaches to treatment.

Traditional medicine may sometimes have a narrow focus and may not always have all the answers. Looking for providers who are open to alternative practices and have had success with them can be beneficial for individuals dealing with chronic illness or anxiety.

There are various healthcare practitioners who have been found helpful, including therapists, massage therapists, energy healers, functional medicine doctors, and acupuncturists. There is also an importance of combining Eastern medicine with traditional medicine for a holistic approach to healing.

In their work at the Mindfulness Center, Megan and Jennifer focus on helping clients identify and make conscious their unconscious thoughts and assumptions. They encourage clients to sit with their energy in the present moment, rather than constantly driving it forward or backward. This approach allows individuals to be more restful and present in their lives, reducing anxiety and stress.

There are always choices.

Megan and Jennifer emphasize the idea that there are always choices available to individuals when it comes to their healthcare and overall well-being. They begin by discussing the importance of deciding which thoughts to hold onto and which ones no longer serve a person’s current phase of life. This suggests that individuals have the power to choose their thoughts and beliefs, and that they can actively let go of thoughts that are not beneficial to them.

They then discuss the concept of attachment to certain thoughts and the need to learn how to let go. They use the example of being 16 years old and needing to be faster for a state competition. At that age, it may be possible to achieve that goal, but as a person gets older, their capacity may change. 

Keith, Williams, MAMFT, Licensed Therapist, couples, adults, therapist, counseling

Do All Therapists Get Their Own Therapy?

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Therapy can benefit everyone.

 

Therapy can benefit everyone, regardless of their background, experiences, or personality traits. While Keith Williams admits that he has not yet pursued therapy for himself, he acknowledges that many of his mentors and colleagues would consider it necessary for therapists to undergo therapy.

 

Williams has found solace and healing through being in service to others. He believes that helping others puts his own problems into perspective and allows him to access his true self. While this may provide some therapeutic benefits, Williams recognizes that it does not replace the formal therapy experience. He acknowledges that he may not be as effective as a therapist without having undergone therapy himself.

 

Therapy is not solely for individuals who have had significant struggles or challenges in their lives. Megan questions whether Williams has had a charmed life, implying that therapy may not be necessary for someone who hasn’t faced major hardships. However, Williams counters this notion by sharing that he has indeed faced struggles that have brought him to his knees. He emphasizes that therapy is not just for those who have experienced trauma but can be beneficial for anyone seeking personal growth, self-awareness, and a deeper understanding of themselves.

 

Williams also discusses his brief experience with family therapy, which was not positive. However, he recognizes that the fit between therapist and client is crucial and that sometimes a negative experience can still provide valuable lessons. We know the importance of finding the right therapist and not giving up on therapy if the first attempt is not successful.

 

Megan describes Keith as grounded and settled, suggesting that therapy may not be necessary for someone with his demeanor. However, Williams acknowledges that therapy can benefit individuals with different personalities and dispositions. He believes that therapy offers a sense of purpose, mission, and humility, and helps maintain a balanced perspective on life.

 

We know that therapy can benefit everyone, regardless of their life experiences or personality traits. While individuals may find solace and healing through other means, such as being in service to others, formal therapy provides a unique and valuable opportunity for personal growth, self-reflection, and emotional well-being. It is important for individuals to recognize the potential benefits of therapy and to seek professional help when needed. Therapy is not limited to those who have experienced trauma or significant hardships; it is a tool that can benefit anyone who wishes to lead a more fulfilling and joyful life.

 

Therapy can be transformative.

 

Megan and Keith begin with a discussion about their introspective nature and whether they are more introverted or extroverted. Megan denies being introspective, but Keith disagrees, stating that he can see the reflectiveness in the her. This exchange highlights the importance of self-reflection and internal processing, which are key components of therapy.

 

The conversation then shifts to Keith’s approach in therapy, with Megan describing him as boisterous and humorous. He acknowledges this but also emphasizes the value of being wild and pushing boundaries in the therapy room. They mention Carl Whitaker, a therapy hero known for his unconventional and wild approach, as an inspiration. This is the transformative potential of therapy, as it allows individuals to explore different aspects of themselves and challenge their beliefs and behaviors.

 

Keith also believes in the importance of improvisation in therapy, as there is no way to predict what clients will say or feel. He describes therapy as exhilarating and emphasizes the need for therapists to be present and adaptable.

 

Keith has training in hypnosis and therapy, which he describes as priceless in terms of personal growth and development. He expresses his amazement at how there is always something new and exciting to learn in therapy.

 

Megan then asks Keith about his own experience with therapy and what it would take for him to seek therapy. He reflects on his tendency to only make changes or take risks when something substantial happens in his life. However, he expresses openness to suggestions and acknowledges that he may benefit from therapy if approached by the right person.

 

Premarital counseling is beneficial.

 

Premarital counseling is beneficial for couples who are preparing to get married. We know the positive impact that premarital counseling can have on a relationship. The couple interviewed in the podcast had undergone premarital counseling before getting married, and they credit it with helping them build a successful and lasting marriage.

 

One of the benefits of premarital counseling is the opportunity for therapy without even realizing it. The couple mentions that their premarital counseling sessions can be considered a form of therapy. This suggests that premarital counseling can provide couples with the tools and skills necessary for a healthy and fulfilling relationship, even if they do not initially recognize it as therapy.

 

The couple’s long-lasting marriage of 29 years is also attributed to the premarital therapy they received. They acknowledge that the therapy they underwent before getting married must have played a role in their successful marriage. There is great effectiveness of premarital counseling in helping couples navigate the challenges and conflicts that may arise in a marriage.

 

The couple expresses gratitude towards the therapist they worked with and credits them with creating a safe and supportive environment for their therapy sessions. They also mention the importance of having a free consultation with a therapist before beginning therapy. This allows individuals to determine if the therapist is a good fit for them and if they feel comfortable opening up and sharing their concerns.

 

In addition to premarital counseling, we also touch on the broader benefits of therapy. Therapists have experience working with individuals, couples, families, adolescents, and children, as well as addressing issues such as chemical dependency. This demonstrates the wide range of issues that therapy can help individuals and couples navigate, highlighting the benefits of seeking therapy.

Check out Keith’s bio or schedule  a FREE 10-minute consult with him HERE!

Listen to this Episode of the Shifting Our Shit (S.O.S.) Podcast HERE! this Episode of the Shifting Our Shit (S.O.S.) Podcast HERE!

couples therapy, couples counseling

Meet Marriage Therapy Expert, Keith Williams!

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Unleashing the Power of Therapy: A Journey of Passion and Fulfillment

 

In the realm of therapy and self-discovery, Keith Williams, a dedicated therapist at a mindfulness center, takes us on a remarkable journey. His story illustrates the transformative potential of pursuing one’s dreams and passions. It serves as a testament to the importance of self-reflection at any stage of life.

Passion as a Guiding Light

Keith’s journey into the world of therapy began with a dream he nurtured since his teenage years. Inspired by the deep connections he formed during his youth, Keith recognized the profound impact that human relationships can have on our lives. This realization ignited a passion within him to explore the intricacies of the human mind and the dynamics of interpersonal connections.

 

The Journey to Self-Discovery

 

The conversation between Keith and Megan offers valuable insights into the power of self-reflection, especially during midlife. It encourages individuals to evaluate their life’s trajectory, identifying what serves them well and what no longer aligns with their aspirations. This process of introspection can lead to a renewed sense of purpose and happiness in the later stages of life.

Embracing Change and Finding Fulfillment

Keith’s story reminds us that it’s never too late to recalibrate our lives and seek greater joy. It encourages us to shift our perspectives and make the necessary changes to live a more meaningful and satisfying life. His journey exemplifies the transformative potential of embracing midlife reassessment.T

 

Passion for Helping Couples Thrive

 

One of the highlights of Keith’s journey is his unwavering passion for helping couples thrive. His dedication to this field is evident in his words and experiences. Keith’s path to becoming a therapist took a unique route, with significant life experiences and a non-traditional educational journey.

 

A Personal and Professional Influence

 

Keith’s fascination with working with couples stemmed from personal and professional influences. The loving marriage of his parents served as a positive model, contrasting with the absence of such examples among his peers. Witnessing the significance of a healthy and loving partnership sparked his interest in assisting couples navigate the complexities of relationships.

 

Diverse Experiences and a Non-Formulaic Approach

 

While Keith initially aimed to specialize in couples therapy, his career took a different path. He spent 18 years working with children and families in crisis, indirectly addressing couples’ dynamics through his work with children. This diverse experience equipped him with invaluable exposure to various challenges.

Keith’s approach to couples therapy is described as non-formulaic and creative. He recognizes the uniqueness of each couple and tailors his approach accordingly. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, and he adapts to the specific needs and dynamics of each relationship.

 

Finding Fulfillment in Uncomfortable Work

 

Keith acknowledges that his profession involves hard work, discomfort, and occasional awkwardness. However, he firmly believes that these challenges are integral to personal and professional growth. They offer opportunities to learn and gain profound insights, ultimately contributing to the betterment of the couples he works with.

 

Embracing Change for Personal Growth

 

Keith’s decision to transition from a demanding role in acute child psychiatric care to private practice marked a significant life change. His sense of mission in keeping families together was undeniable, but the emotional toll and constant on-call schedule eventually prompted him to seek a change. The transition wasn’t easy, but it exemplifies the idea that embracing change can lead to greater personal fulfillment.

 

A Continual Journey of Growth

 

Keith’s journey into therapy was far from linear. He highlights that he’s still evolving as a therapist, constantly learning and growing in his profession. His willingness to adapt and evolve is a testament to his commitment to personal growth and his unwavering dedication to helping others. Keith Williams’ journey serves as an inspiring reminder of the importance of pursuing one’s passions and the fulfillment that can be derived from assisting others. It illustrates that change, though uncomfortable at times, can be incredibly rewarding. Ultimately, his story is a testament to the transformative power of embracing one’s calling and making a positive impact on the lives of others.

Find out more about Keith HERE and listen to this Episode of the Shifting Our Shit (S.O.S.) Podcast HERE!

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Therapist Elizabeth McCormack shares what she’s learned personally about boundaries!

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Therapy is essential for growth.

Hitting a plateau or feeling unfulfilled is a common experience at midlife. It is normal to reassess what is working and what is not, and to want to reclaim one’s time, energy, and joy. 

Megan believes that therapists benefit from undergoing therapy themselves. Clients can only go as deep and as far as their therapists have gone.  This sentiment is echoed by Elizabeth McCormack, who shares her own experiences with therapy.

Elizabeth reveals that she had her first therapy session in high school, a time when she was going through the challenges of coming of age and dealing with the complexities of her parents’ divorce. However, she quickly realized that the therapist she saw did not understand her experiences as a young teenage girl, and she discontinued therapy after a few sessions.

Despite this initial negative experience, Elizabeth later pursued therapy during graduate school when her father passed away. She felt that it was necessary to work through the unresolved issues in her relationship with her father. She also has continued therapy on and off in different settings, depending on the circumstances she was facing.

Elizabeth emphasizes the importance of the therapeutic relationship and finding the right therapist. She advises her clients to give therapy a few sessions and to trust their instincts. If they feel uncomfortable or do not trust their therapist, she encourages them to find someone else. She believes that 80% of the effectiveness of therapy is dependent on having the right therapist.

She also acknowledges the challenges of finding the right therapist, especially during times of transition or relocation. Elizabeth shares her own difficulties in finding a therapist when she moved from state to state. She recognizes that moving is one of the most challenging life experiences and that therapy can be crucial in helping individuals navigate through these transitions.

The essential role of therapy in personal growth and fulfillment is crucial. Therapy provides individuals with the tools to navigate through challenging periods, work through unresolved issues, and manage stress and anxiety. Ultimately, therapy is a valuable resource for individuals seeking personal growth, fulfillment, and a greater sense of well-being.

Transitioning in therapy is therapeutic.

Transitioning in therapy is therapeutic because it allows individuals to learn new things, gain a different perspective, and re-narrate their story. The process of transitioning from one therapist to another provides an opportunity to explore and process past experiences, trauma, and emotions. It allows individuals to reflect on their journey and gain a deeper understanding of themselves.

One of the benefits of transitioning in therapy is the chance to learn new things. Each therapist has a unique approach and perspective, which can offer fresh insights and techniques. By working with different therapists, individuals can expand their knowledge and gain new tools for personal growth and healing.

Transitioning in therapy also allows individuals to re-narrate their story. As they move from one therapist to another, they have the opportunity to reflect on their past experiences and how they have evolved over time. They can examine their childhood, teenage years, and any traumatic events that have shaped their lives. By re-telling their story, individuals can gain a new understanding of themselves and their emotions.

It allows individuals to focus on the present and future. While it is important to acknowledge and process the past, therapy also encourages individuals to look forward and set goals for personal growth. Therapists at the Mindfulness Center, for example, are solution-focused and help clients identify where they want to be headed. By exploring the past, individuals can gain insights and knowledge that can help them navigate their current challenges and move forward in a more fulfilling way.

Therapy can be particularly beneficial for high-functioning individuals who are experiencing a point of stagnation or feeling stuck. Therapy provides a space for them to talk through their challenges and gain support from someone who understands and empathizes with their experiences. Trust is an essential component of therapy, and individuals can trust that their therapist has either been through similar experiences or has helped others overcome similar challenges.

Shift, boundaries, independence, growth, connection.

One of the key themes is the need to shift. Elizabeth emphasizes the importance of recognizing when something needs to change and taking action to make that shift. This can apply to various aspects of life, including work, relationships, and personal growth. By paying attention to how one feels and questioning their actions and motivations, individuals can identify areas where change is needed and take steps to make that shift.

Setting boundaries is another important aspect discussed in the podcast. Over-functioning, whether it be at work or in personal relationships, can lead to feelings of burnout and dependency. Elizabeth encourages listeners to examine their own behavior and question whether their helping is truly beneficial or if it is keeping others dependent on them. Setting boundaries allows individuals to maintain their own independence and encourages others to take responsibility for themselves.

Independence and personal growth are so important. The importance of allowing children to make mistakes and learn from them, even if it means experiencing discomfort. This same principle applies to adults as well. Personal growth often comes from trying new things, making mistakes, and learning from them. It is important to embrace discomfort and navigate through it in order to grow and develop as individuals.

Connection is another key theme, particularly in the context of couples therapy. Elizabeth mentions the Gottman model, which focuses on building a strong friendship and connection within a relationship. This involves actively listening, showing interest, and being present for one’s partner. By prioritizing connection, couples can strengthen their relationship and improve overall satisfaction.

Effective communication is key.

Effective communication is key in all aspects of life, especially in relationships. Megan discusses the importance of resolving conflict, understanding each other’s needs, and maintaining a strong emotional connection.

One aspect of effective communication is the ability to resolve conflict. Megan acknowledges that it is common for couples to have recurring fights or unresolvable issues. However, she emphasizes the importance of addressing these conflicts instead of letting them simmer. By having open and honest conversations about their concerns, couples can work towards finding solutions and improving their relationship.

Another aspect of effective communication is the need for open dialogue about expectations and desires. Megan mentions that many couples struggle with feeling unsatisfied in their sex lives or have different expectations regarding love and intimacy. By openly discussing these topics and seeking a third party’s perspective, couples can gain insight into what is normal and find ways to improve their relationship.

Megan and Elizabeth talk about the significance of fostering connection and maintaining a strong emotional bond. They note that it is important for couples to be friends and to continuously work on their friendship. This involves prioritizing quality time together. By nurturing their emotional connection, couples can strengthen their relationship and navigate challenges more effectively. 

If you want to learn more about boundaries, communication, and therapy join us on this episode of shifting our shit as we talk with Elizabeth. 

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