The Gifts of Depression

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by Ashley Vaden, LMFT

 

“You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase:  make use of suffering.” These words, attributed to Henri-Frederic Amiel, hold a quiet truth that many of us resist. Depression, in all its weight and misery, feels like the enemy—something to escape, numb, or conquer. But what if depression were not an adversary, but a guide? An indicator or your next rite of passage?

 

Carl Jung reminds us that depression is not necessarily pathological. Often, it signals the need for profound change, a harbinger of transformation. Depression, when viewed through this lens, becomes less a punishment and more a messenger, carrying within it the potential for psychological renewal and creativity.

 

To “depress” means to “press down,” to force us into the depths of our own psyche. And though this descent is painful, is it purposeful. Depression pulls our energy and focus inward, away from the external world and distractions that we so often fixate upon. It demands that we stop looking outward for meaning and instead confront what lies within—the forgotten, the suppressed, the unconscious treasure of our own being.

 

James Hollis writes “It takes great courage to value depression, to respect it, not to try and medicate it away or distract ourselves from its misery. Down there is potential meaning split off from consciousness, but alive, dynamic.” Beneath the heaviness, beneath the despair, depression points us to what is hidden:  our instincts, passions, creative drives, and the fragments of our true selves. Depression serves as an opportunity to sift through our value system and determine what matters most. What we often experience as unbearable heaviness is, paradoxically, the weight of something alive struggling to emerge.

 

This descent into the depths is not a journey to be resisted. What we resist, after all, persists. The greatest treasures lie at the deepest places. Depression teaches us to dig, sift, and to descent without resistance, and unearth the psychological gold buried beneath. Yet, this does not mean identifying with depression or becoming lost within it. There is power in maintaining objectivity—in stepping back and observing it, not as something we are but as a part of us with something to teach.

 

In modern society, depression is heavily stigmatized, often seen as a personal failing or a condition to be cured quickly and quietly. We have little tolerance for its presence and even less space for expression. Thomas Moore in Care of the Soul challenges this perspective by suggesting that we reframe our relationship with depression entirely. Rather than pushing it to the margins of our lives, Moore argues that we create intentional spaces for depression—quiet, solitary sanctuaries within our communities. Imagine office buildings with dedicated rooms for solitude, , where people can retreat to sit with their feelings without shame or interruption. By making room for depression, not as an inconvenience but as a natural and meaningful part of life, we begin to strip away the stigma and embrace its potential to transform and renew us.

When we allow ourselves to sit with depression, to listen without judgement, it reveals its purpose:  to elicit dynamic change, to force a reorientation of the soul. It reminds us of what we have neglected within ourselves. Depression is not the end; it is the beginning of a renewal, a signpost pointing toward transformation and meaning.

 

So, when depression visits, as unwelcome as it may feel, consider this:  what lies beneath its weight? What treasure is hidden in the depth of it urges you to explore? It is in the descent, in the courage to feel and observe, that we begin to rise.

 

After acquiring my Master’s Degree at the University of Rochester, I returned to my home state of Kentucky. For the past 5 years, I have been serving adults, teens, and couples at The Mindfulness Center. I help clients heal and grow through means of self compassion and self-derived skills. I have felt especially drawn to attachment theory and Internal Family Systems, as I have found them to be the most empowering and effective modalities for complex trauma and relational distress. I hope to help people make use of their suffering and find purpose and meaning through life’s struggles.

 

To schedule an appointment with me click here.

PAUSE, Reset, taking a break, take a break

RESET: Hitting the PAUSE Button

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CAUTION: Big announcement!!!

Embrace the power of vulnerability.

Megan discusses the concept of embracing the power of vulnerability. This idea suggests that being vulnerable and open about our emotions and struggles can actually be a source of strength and connection with others. She explains that vulnerability is often seen as a weakness in society, but in reality, it takes courage to be open and honest about our feelings.

 

One of the key points made is that vulnerability allows us to connect with others on a deeper level. When we are willing to share our vulnerabilities, we allow others to see us for who we truly are, flaws and all. This can create a sense of empathy and understanding between people, as we realize that we are all human and we all have struggles.

 

Megan also discusses how vulnerability can lead to personal growth and self-acceptance. By being open about our emotions and experiences, we can learn to accept ourselves for who we are, imperfections and all. This can help us to build resilience and confidence in our own abilities, as we learn to navigate through challenges and setbacks with honesty and authenticity.

 

She emphasizes the importance of vulnerability in building strong relationships. When we are willing to be vulnerable with others, it creates a sense of trust and intimacy that can deepen our connections with those around us. By being open and honest about our feelings, we allow others to do the same, fostering a sense of mutual understanding and support.

 

Embrace rest when needed.

Embracing rest when needed is a crucial aspect of self-care and overall well-being. Megan Bayless-Bartley shares personal experiences where she recognized the importance of taking a break and allowing herself time to rest and recharge. By listening to her own needs and prioritizing self-care, she was able to achieve her goals and create a fulfilling life for herself and her family.

 

One of the key points Megan highlights is the importance of setting boundaries and recognizing when it is time to take a pause. In her own journey, she realized that after years of hustling and achieving, she was ready for a break. This acknowledgment of her own fatigue and the need for rest is a powerful example of self-awareness and self-compassion. It is essential to listen to our bodies and minds, and to honor our need for rest and relaxation.

 

Taking a break does not mean giving up or being lazy. It is a necessary part of the cycle of productivity and growth. Just as our bodies need sleep to recharge and rejuvenate, our minds and spirits also require periods of rest to maintain balance and well-being. By embracing rest when needed, we can prevent burnout, reduce stress, and improve our overall mental and physical health.

 

Find out the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT at the end of this Podcast Episode (S 4, E9) HERE!

 

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RESET: Set Yourself Up for Success

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Embrace vulnerability to find strength

 

In today’s fast-paced and competitive world, vulnerability is often seen as a weakness. We are taught to be strong, independent, and invulnerable in order to succeed. However, Megan argues that embracing vulnerability can actually lead to greater strength and resilience.

 

She begins by defining vulnerability as the willingness to show our true selves, to be open and honest about our thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It is about being authentic and allowing ourselves to be seen, flaws and all. She explains that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of courage and strength.

 

One of the key points is that vulnerability allows us to connect with others on a deeper level. When we are open and honest about our struggles and insecurities, we allow others to do the same. This creates a sense of empathy and understanding, and can lead to stronger, more meaningful relationships. By being vulnerable, we can build trust and create a support system that can help us through difficult times.

 

Megan also discusses how vulnerability can lead to personal growth and self-discovery. When we are willing to confront our fears and insecurities, we can learn more about ourselves and what truly matters to us. By facing our vulnerabilities head-on, we can develop resilience and inner strength that can help us navigate life’s challenges with grace and courage.

 

Affirmations shape our subconscious beliefs.

Megan Bayles Bartley discusses the power of affirmations in shaping our subconscious beliefs. Affirmations are positive statements that we repeat to ourselves in order to reprogram our thoughts and beliefs. Megan explains that our subconscious mind believes whatever we tell it, so by consistently feeding it positive affirmations, we can change our mindset and outlook on life.

 

She highlights the importance of talking to ourselves in the affirmative, using present-tense statements as if our goals have already been achieved. This technique is rooted in the idea that in the realm of quantum physics, time and space are fluid, and by aligning our thoughts with our desired outcomes, we can manifest them into reality.

 

She shares personal examples of affirmations that have worked for her, such as “I love and accept myself” and “life is fun and easy.” She encourages listeners to find affirmations that resonate with them and to incorporate them into their daily routines. Whether it’s writing them on sticky notes, setting reminders on their phones, or journaling before bed, the key is to consistently reinforce these positive beliefs. Megan also touches on the idea of vulnerability and self-acceptance. By embracing our flaws and imperfections, we can cultivate a sense of self-love and acceptance that serves as the foundation for personal growth and success. Affirmations, in this context, serve as a tool for building self-confidence and resilience in the face of challenges.

 

Check out this episode of the Shifting Our Shit (SOS) Podcast HERE!

blame, connection, gratitude

RESET: Gratitude Rewires the Brain

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Embrace change with an open mind

 

Change is an inevitable part of life. Whether we like it or not, change is constantly happening around us. It can be daunting and scary, but it is important to embrace change with an open mind. Megan discusses the importance of being open to change and how it can lead to personal growth and success.

 

She began by highlighting the fact that change is a natural part of life. From small changes like trying a new restaurant to major life changes like starting a new job or moving to a new city, change is constantly happening. Megan emphasized that instead of resisting change, it is important to embrace it and see it as an opportunity for growth.

 

One of the key points made was that embracing change with an open mind allows us to learn and grow. When we are open to change, we are more willing to step out of our comfort zones and try new things. This can lead to new experiences, new perspectives, and new opportunities. By being open to change, we can expand our horizons and discover new passions and interests.

 

Megan also discusses how embracing change can lead to personal growth and success. When we are open to change, we are more adaptable and resilient. We are better equipped to handle challenges and setbacks, and we are more likely to bounce back from adversity. Embracing change with an open mind can also lead to new opportunities and experiences that can help us reach our goals and achieve success.

 

Embrace gratitude for a positive shift.

 

Gratitude is highlighted as a powerful tool for shifting our mindset from negative to positive. Megan discusses how gratitude practices can help us focus on what we are thankful for rather than what we lack. By shifting our focus to gratitude, we can open ourselves up to more possibilities and opportunities in life. Gratitude allows us to see the good in our lives, even in the midst of challenges or difficulties.

 

She also touched on the importance of validating our emotions and allowing ourselves to mourn and process difficult situations. It is okay to feel sadness or disappointment, but when we are ready to move beyond those emotions, we can look for things to be grateful for in the midst of hardship. Gratitude can be as simple as appreciating the air we breathe or the roof over our heads.

 

Megan encourages listeners to create ongoing lists of things they are grateful for, both in the past and in the upcoming year. By focusing on the things we are thankful for, we can cultivate a sense of appreciation and positivity in our lives. Gratitude can also extend to recognizing the qualities and support of others in our lives, as well as acknowledging our own strengths and abilities.

 

LISTEN to this episode of the Shifting Our Shit (SOS) Podcast HERE!

worthy, let go, letting go, release

RESET: Letting Go of What No Longer Works

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Stay curious and keep learning

“Stay curious and keep learning.” These simple yet powerful words serve as a reminder of the importance of lifelong learning and curiosity in our personal and professional lives. In a world that is constantly evolving and changing, it is essential to embrace a mindset of curiosity and a commitment to continuous learning in order to stay relevant and adapt to new challenges.

 

Megan emphasizes the idea that curiosity is the key to unlocking new opportunities and expanding our knowledge and understanding of the world around us. By staying curious, we are able to ask questions, seek out new information, and explore different perspectives, which can lead to personal growth and development. Curiosity is what drives innovation and creativity, as it inspires us to think outside the box and challenge the status quo.

 

She also highlights the importance of keeping an open mind and being willing to learn from others. No one person has all the answers, and by engaging with diverse perspectives and experiences, we can broaden our own understanding and gain new insights. Learning from others allows us to expand our horizons, challenge our assumptions, and foster a sense of empathy and understanding towards those who may have different viewpoints.

 

Megan emphasizes the idea that learning is a lifelong journey that never truly ends. In a rapidly changing world, it is important to continuously update our skills and knowledge in order to stay competitive and adaptable. By investing in our own learning and development, we can position ourselves for success and growth in our personal and professional lives.

 

Release what no longer serves

Megan Bayles Bartley guides listeners through a powerful exercise to let go of should statements that no longer serve them. The exercise involves visualizing a shape, color, texture, temperature, and weight of the should statement, and then transforming it into a new object that better aligns with their current beliefs and values.

 

The concept of releasing what no longer serves is a key aspect of personal growth and self-improvement. It involves letting go of limiting beliefs, negative thought patterns, and behaviors that hold us back from reaching our full potential. By releasing these obstacles, we create space for new opportunities, growth, and positive change in our lives.

 

The guided visualization exercise offered in the podcast episode is a powerful tool for releasing what no longer serves. By visualizing the should statement as a tangible object and then transforming it into something new, listeners can shift their mindset and let go of outdated beliefs and expectations.

 

Ultimately, the message of the podcast episode is one of empowerment and liberation. By releasing what no longer serves us, we can create space for growth, transformation, and fulfillment in our lives. It is a reminder that we have the power to choose our beliefs, thoughts, and actions, and to let go of anything that no longer aligns with our true selves.

 

LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE OF THE SHIFTING OUR SH!T (SOS) PODCAST HERE!

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RESET: Embracing Growth Through Present Discomfort

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Embrace growth through discomfort.

“Embrace growth through discomfort” is a powerful concept that challenges us to step out of our comfort zones in order to achieve personal and professional growth. Megan discussed the importance of embracing discomfort as a means of pushing ourselves to new heights and reaching our full potential.

 

She explained that growth often comes from pushing ourselves beyond what we think we are capable of, and that this can only be achieved through discomfort. When we are comfortable, we are stagnant. We are not challenging ourselves or pushing ourselves to grow. It is only when we step outside of our comfort zones and embrace discomfort that we are able to truly grow and evolve as individuals.

 

Megan shared personal stories of times when they had to embrace discomfort in order to achieve her goals. She talked about the fear and uncertainty she felt, but also the sense of accomplishment and growth that came from pushing through those feelings. It was a reminder that growth is not always easy, but it is always worth it.

 

She also discussed the importance of seeking out discomfort in our daily lives. Whether it is trying something new, taking on a challenging project, or having difficult conversations, embracing discomfort is essential for personal growth. It is through these experiences that we learn more about ourselves, our capabilities, and our potential.

 

Shift “SHOULDS” to more empowering “COULDS”

Megan Bayless-Bartley discusses the importance of shifting to an empowering could in order to foster personal growth and self-empowerment. She emphasizes the negative impact of shoulds, which are limiting beliefs that often lead to feelings of guilt, judgment, and self-criticism. By replacing should with could, individuals can open themselves up to a wider range of options and possibilities, ultimately leading to a more positive and empowering mindset.

 

The concept of shifting shoulds to empowering coulds is a powerful tool for personal growth and self-empowerment. Shoulds are often rooted in external expectations, societal norms, and past conditioning, which can limit our ability to make choices that align with our true desires and values. When we constantly tell ourselves what we should be doing, we create a sense of obligation and pressure that can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

 

Megan Bayles Bartley suggests that by embracing coulds, individuals can break free from the constraints of “shoulds” (shoulding all over ourselves) and embrace a more balanced and fulfilling life. By acknowledging where “shoulds” may have originated from, whether it be societal expectations, family influences, or personal beliefs, individuals can begin to challenge and reframe these limiting beliefs. This process of self-reflection and self-awareness allows individuals to take ownership of their choices and actions, and to cultivate a sense of agency and empowerment in their lives.

Listen to Season 4, Episode 5 of the Shifting Our Shit Podcast HERE!

past, honor, celebrate, honor the past

RESET: Honoring The Past

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Reflecting on the past year, we begin to reset.

 

Megan emphasizes the importance of reflecting on the past year in order to reset and move forward. This process allows individuals to assess what worked well for them, what didn’t, and what goals or intentions they set for themselves. By examining these aspects, individuals can gain valuable insights and make informed decisions about their future actions.

 

Megan encourages listeners to think about three or four words that describe or sum up the past year for them. This exercise helps individuals to distill their experiences and gain a clearer understanding of the overall theme or essence of the year. For example, she shares that she felt a sense of balance in the past year, which was a goal she had set for herself. This reflection allows individuals to celebrate their accomplishments and identify areas for growth or improvement.

 

She also encourages listeners to consider what worked well for them in the past year. This could be anything from implementing a new routine or habit to achieving a specific goal. By identifying these successes, individuals can build on them and continue to incorporate them into their lives moving forward. For example, she mentions that she successfully slowed down during the summer and felt a greater sense of balance as a result.

 

Megan encourages listeners to reflect on what didn’t work well for them in the past year. This could include external factors such as economic challenges or personal responsibilities that hindered progress. By acknowledging these obstacles, individuals can gain clarity on what may need to be addressed or changed in order to achieve their goals. It is important to note that she emphasizes that these experiences should not be labeled as good or bad, but rather as learning lessons.

 

Megan wants individuals to consider the goals or intentions they set for themselves in the past year, even if they were not fully accomplished. This exercise allows individuals to reassess their priorities and determine which goals or intentions they still want to pursue in the future. It is important to recognize that progress is not always linear, and sometimes goals may need to be carried over into the next year.

 

She also highlights the importance of celebrating accomplishments, both big and small. By acknowledging and appreciating one’s efforts and achievements, individuals can boost their self-confidence and motivation. Megan encourages listeners to be proud of themselves for what they have accomplished and to show gratitude for their growth and progress.

Listen to this episode of the Shifting Our Shit (SOS) Podcast, HERE!

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Actions Speak Louder than Words

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Action Speaks Louder than Words: The Power of Intentions

In a world where words are often used to deceive, manipulate, or simply lack sincerity, the proverb “Action speaks louder than words” holds immense significance. This timeless adage emphasizes the importance of actions as a true reflection of one’s intentions and character. We will explore the profound impact of actions and how they can often surpass the power of words.

Actions Manifest True Intentions:

While words can be easily manipulated or insincere, actions have an inherent authenticity that cannot be easily dismissed. Actions are concrete manifestations of one’s beliefs, values, and intentions. They have the power to reveal the true character of an individual, as they require effort, commitment, and consistency. For example, a person who claims to be environmentally conscious but fails to recycle or reduce their carbon footprint demonstrates a lack of genuine commitment to their stated values. In contrast, someone who actively engages in sustainable practices and consistently supports environmental causes through their actions demonstrates a true dedication to their beliefs.

Actions Inspire Trust and Confidence:

Actions have the power to build trust and confidence in relationships, whether personal or professional. When individuals consistently follow through on their promises and commitments, their actions validate their words. This alignment between words and actions fosters trust and reliability, enabling healthy and meaningful connections. Conversely, when words and actions do not align, doubt and skepticism can arise, eroding trust and straining relationships. For instance, a leader who consistently makes grand promises but fails to deliver on them will eventually lose the trust and confidence of their team. In contrast, a leader who takes tangible steps to fulfill their commitments will inspire loyalty and motivate others to follow their lead.

Actions Drive Change and Impact:

While words have the potential to inspire, actions are the driving force behind meaningful change and impact. History is replete with examples of individuals whose actions have shaped the world. Mahatma Gandhi’s nonviolent resistance movements, for instance, demonstrated the power of peaceful protest and inspired a nation to fight for independence. Similarly, the actions of civil rights activists like Martin Luther King Jr. transformed society by challenging racial inequality and discrimination. These influential figures understood that their actions would speak louder than any words they could utter, and their legacies continue to inspire generations.

Actions Overcome Communication Barriers:

In a diverse and globalized world, language barriers and cultural differences often hinder effective communication. Actions can transcend these barriers and convey messages that words alone cannot. A simple act of kindness, a helping hand extended to a stranger, or a charitable donation can communicate compassion, empathy, and goodwill without the need for verbal communication. Such actions create a universal language that unites people from different backgrounds, fostering understanding and connection.

Resetting for success and mindfulness.

One area where this alignment between words and actions is particularly important is in the pursuit of success and mindfulness. In today’s fast-paced world, it is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, constantly striving for success without taking the time to pause, reflect, and reset. True success cannot be achieved without a mindful approach that considers not only the end goal but also the journey and the well-being of oneself and others.

One key aspect of resetting for success and mindfulness is the practice of practical mindfulness. This involves being present in the moment, being aware of one’s thoughts and actions, and intentionally slowing down to assess the situation before diving in. Megan acknowledges her own tendency to jump into things without reading instructions, leading to mistakes and inefficiency. By practicing practical mindfulness, she has learned to be more methodical and intentional in her approach, resulting in better outcomes and a gentler attitude towards herself and others.

She also highlights the significance of doing and being. Megan describes herself as a doer, someone who takes action and gets things done. She recognizes the value of being present, of just being in the moment without constantly striving to do more. This balance between doing and being is crucial for success and mindfulness. By taking the time to just be, to pause and reflect, individuals can gain a fresh perspective, see things with beginner’s eyes, and open themselves up to new possibilities and ways of thinking.

The concept of resetting for success and mindfulness is not about following rigid step-by-step guides or adhering to strict rules. Instead, it is about embracing flexibility, curiosity, and the rainbow of options. Megan encourages listeners to think differently, to challenge black and white thinking, and to explore new ways of approaching tasks and routines. By making small changes, such as sitting in a different spot at the table or taking a different route to work, individuals can cultivate a more malleable mindset and create momentum for positive change.

Megan emphasizes the importance of choice and the ability to change one’s mind. Success and mindfulness require individuals to honor themselves, to give themselves the space and time to reset. This may involve pausing, reflecting, and checking in with oneself. It may also involve acknowledging and expressing gratitude for the things one is grateful for in life. By focusing on what is going well and what one is grateful for, individuals can shift their perspective and approach to life, setting themselves up for success and a more mindful existence.

Listen to this Shifting Our Shit (SOS) Podcast episode HERE!

Practical Mindfulness for Everyday Life!

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Mindfulness is empowering and freeing.

Mindfulness is a practice that empowers individuals and sets them free from the burdens of stress, anxiety, and negative thought patterns. It allows individuals to awaken from the autopilot mode and become conscious of their thoughts, feelings, and actions in the present moment. By being aware of the present moment, individuals can choose how they want to think, feel, and act, leading to a sense of control and empowerment.

 

One of the key aspects of mindfulness is letting go of things that are beyond our control and not attaching unnecessary meaning to situations. This helps individuals to release the burden of trying to control everything and allows them to focus their energy on things that truly matter. By practicing mindfulness, individuals can experience a sense of calmness and peace in all areas of their lives.

 

Mindfulness is often associated with meditation, but it is important to note that mindfulness is the first and most basic step in meditation and other stillness practices. It is about becoming more aware of the present moment, cultivating a nonjudgmental mindset, and creating space for stillness. The approach to mindfulness could be practical, down-to-earth, and accessible to all individuals, even those who think they could never do it. Mindfulness can be integrated into everyday tasks such as driving, doing chores, and eating meals, making it a part of one’s daily life.

 

It is common for individuals to worry about their ability to sit still or quiet their mind during meditation or stillness practices. However, it is important to understand that the mind’s natural tendency is to wander. When the mind wanders, it is not a sign of failure or inadequacy, but rather an opportunity to practice mindfulness. By gently bringing the mind back to the intended focus without judgment, individuals can cultivate a curious and compassionate mindset towards themselves and their thoughts.

 

Practicing mindfulness allows individuals to be more compassionate with themselves and others. It encourages them to let go of self-criticism and high expectations, and instead embrace self-compassion and acceptance. This shift in mindset can lead to a sense of freedom from the constant need to prove oneself and a greater sense of self-worth.

 

Mindfulness is a practice that empowers individuals by allowing them to awaken from autopilot mode, be present in the moment, and choose how they want to think, feel, and act. It is a practice that sets individuals free from stress, anxiety, and negative thought patterns, and cultivates a sense of calmness, peace, and empowerment. By integrating mindfulness into daily life and practicing self-compassion, individuals can experience the freedom and empowerment that mindfulness brings.

 

Listen to Season 4, Episode 1 of the Shifting Our Shit (S.O.S.) Podcast HERE!

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New Year, New Boundaries

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Setting boundaries for personal growth.

Setting boundaries for personal growth is a crucial aspect of self-care and self-improvement. It involves recognizing our limits, understanding what is important to us, and establishing clear guidelines for how we want to be treated and how we want to treat others. By setting boundaries, we create a framework that allows us to prioritize our well-being, protect our energy, and cultivate healthy relationships.

 

Megan, Elizabeth and Britt discuss the limitations of New Year’s resolutions and how they often fail to bring about lasting change. They emphasize the importance of going beyond superficial goals and instead focusing on the deeper beliefs and values that shape our lives. Rather than simply making resolutions like going to the gym or spending less time on social media, they encourage listeners to examine their relationship with themselves, their friends, and their commitments.

 

Setting boundaries is a fundamental part of this process. It involves making commitments to ourselves and upholding those commitments without relying on others to do it for us. For example, if we want to spend less time on social media, it is our responsibility to set limits and create boundaries around our usage. Similarly, if we want to have more meaningful conversations with friends or family, it is up to us to initiate those conversations and prioritize quality time.

 

They also highlight the importance of setting emotional boundaries. They discuss situations where conversations become highly emotionally charged and unproductive. In such instances, it is crucial to recognize our limits and remove ourselves from the situation. By doing so, we give ourselves and others the space to calm down and process their emotions. This allows for more productive and constructive discussions to take place when everyone is in a calmer state of mind.

 

Setting boundaries for personal growth is not about controlling or manipulating others. It is about taking ownership of our own well-being and creating an environment that supports our growth and happiness. It requires self-awareness, self-compassion, and a willingness to communicate our boundaries clearly and assertively.

 

Set boundaries for self-care.

Setting boundaries for self-care is crucial in today’s fast-paced and interconnected world. It allows us to protect our mental and emotional well-being, maintain healthy relationships, and make time for personal growth and fulfillment. 

 

Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect. It demonstrates that we value ourselves and our needs. By establishing clear guidelines for how we want to be treated and what we are willing to tolerate, we create a safe space for ourselves to thrive. This includes setting limits on how much time and energy we are willing to invest in certain activities or relationships. It means saying no when we feel overwhelmed or stretched too thin. By setting these boundaries, we communicate to others that our well-being is a priority.

 

Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. It allows us to establish mutual respect and understanding with others. When we clearly communicate our boundaries, we give others the opportunity to respect and honor them. This fosters healthier and more balanced connections, as both parties are aware of each other’s limits and needs. By setting boundaries, we create space for open and honest communication, where both parties feel heard and respected.

 

Setting boundaries also creates room for personal growth and fulfillment. When we establish limits on how much time we spend on certain activities or with certain people, we free up time and energy for activities that align with our values and goals. This allows us to focus on our personal growth, pursue our passions, and engage in activities that bring us joy and fulfillment. By setting boundaries, we prioritize our own needs and desires, which ultimately leads to a more fulfilling and purposeful life.

 

However, setting boundaries for self-care can be challenging. Society often tells us that we “should” (shoulding all over ourselves) always be available and accessible, leading to feelings of guilt or obligation when we prioritize ourselves. Additionally, fear of conflict or disappointing others can hinder our ability to set and enforce boundaries. It is important to remember that setting boundaries is not selfish, but rather a necessary act of self-care. We cannot pour from an empty cup, and by prioritizing our own well-being, we are better equipped to show up for others.

 

Focus on self, set boundaries.

 

One aspect they highlight is the need to let go of how others take care of themselves and instead focus on our own well-being. This means not policing what others say or do, but rather taking responsibility for how we protect ourselves and what we allow into our lives. This can involve skills such as changing the subject, redirecting conversations, or reframing situations in a therapeutic language.

 

They also emphasize the importance of knowing our triggers and developing coping mechanisms to deal with them. They acknowledge that certain situations, such as significant changes in the workforce or personal life, can be challenging and anxiety-inducing. In these situations, it is essential to protect ourselves by setting boundaries and not succumbing to external pressures or expectations. They mention a senior in high school who is faced with the constant question of where he is going to college. Instead of succumbing to the pressure, he is taking his time to make a well-informed decision, considering factors such as finances and personal preferences.

 

A key point made is the concept of control and discerning what is within our control and what is not. Boundaries are framed around what we can control, which is primarily our own thoughts, emotions, and actions. By recognizing this distinction, we can focus on taking care of ourselves and not trying to control or change others.

 

Curiosity and vulnerability in conversations.

Curiosity and vulnerability are two key components of meaningful and transformative conversations. When we approach conversations with a genuine curiosity about others’ beliefs and perspectives, we create an opportunity for deeper understanding and connection. This curiosity opens the door for us to ask questions, listen attentively, and engage in a way that fosters empathy and mutual respect.

 

The women recount a conversation where one person asked a thought-provoking question about faith and belief. While the question may have caught the pastor’s kids off guard, it also sparked laughter and a shared understanding of the difficulty in discussing such topics. This highlights the vulnerability that comes with expressing our thoughts and beliefs, especially in areas that are deeply personal and often considered taboo.

 

Vulnerability in conversations requires courage and a willingness to expose our true selves. It means being open to the possibility of disagreement or criticism, but also the potential for growth and connection. The speaker in the podcast acknowledges that finding the vocabulary to describe or explain our inner thoughts and beliefs is hard work. It requires introspection and a willingness to articulate our ideas in a way that can be understood and engaged with by others.

 

Listen to this episode HERE!

 

 

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